Page 87 of My Favorite Mistake

He spun the tumbler again as he nodded.

“You know, Connor, the whole reason I took this job was because I was terrified that not getting another job immediately would force me to eat into my savings.” He gestured at the bartender yet again, and she raised her eyebrows, but decided it wasn’t her place to police his alcohol consumption. “I have all this money saved up because I’ve been looking for a house. You know, likemyhouse. The house I live in for the rest of my old spinster life.”

She laughed, but he didn’t. He merely picked up the new glass and sipped it.

“Anyway,” Liza went on, perfectly fine with talking to herself and pretending he was listening. “I always thought the house would be somewhere in or around Austin. But honestly, the music industry is in a flux there. There are a lot fewer traditional bands than there used to be. It’s gotten so trendy, and they’re getting away from their roots. Working for Jimmy has shown me that there are still a lot of deep roots here, and I want to be a part of that in my professional life. So, this week I talked to my landlord about buying the house.”

Connor coughed on his drink, and she patted his back.

“Are you okay?”

He coughed a few more times and then rubbed his eyes before looking at her. “You’re gonna buy that house?”

“Yeah. I love that house. I love that it’s right across from that school because I love seeing all the kids arrive in the morning. I have some great restaurants right on my street. It’s a great little community within a community. And the house itself is a treasure. It’s old and wonderful, and I just feel like it’s the one I’ve been waiting for.”

He stared at her, jaw gaping, and then made a low growling noise in the back of his throat as he dropped his forehead on the bar.

“What?” Her brows drew together. “You don’t like that I’m buying the house?”

“No…” he whined as he picked up his head. He looked at her through semi-glazed eyes, and she pursed her lips.Thatdidn’t take long at all.

“Why not, Connor?”

“Becauseyou…”He held out his palms toward her. “You…”

“I…” she prompted.

“No,I…” he tried to say but then slumped, defeated, and dropped his forehead back on the bar.

Poor drunk pumpkin,she wanted to say, but she wouldn’t patronize him like that when he was already drunk and obviously in a weird mood. “You what?”

“I dunno,” he mumbled into his sleeve.

“You don’t want me to live here.”

“I just wanted…” He exhaled long and loud. “Things.”

He wantedthings. Liza’s heart twinged with an ache as she considered thethingshe might have been referring to. Those things she’d wanted so badly, too. And maybe he really did believe that he’d loved her. Maybe part of him was still attached to thosethingsthey’d hoped for long ago.

Liza rested her chin in her palm again, angling her head closer. “You can still have things, Connor.”

“Can’t have the things I want.”

Want. She tried not to let her mind trip on his use of the present tense, but her mouth betrayed her. He was approaching sloshed, so he might not remember the conversation later anyway. “Why not?”

“‘Cuz. I’m not…good.”

She rubbed his back. “Didn’t I just point out a bunch of good things that you’ve done? Should I list them again?”

Connor turned his face toward her, laying his cheek on his forearm and giving her a long look through glazed eyes. “You’re too nice, and you just…you don’t know, Lizzie. You weren’t there, and you have no way of knowing that I’m not good.”

Ohcrap.

If he was calling herLizzie,he really was approaching gone. She combed her fingers through the side of his hair. “You could tell me.”

“Ican’t. I don’t like it.” He attempted to lift his head, struggled, and then planted his chin on his arm. “Every time I even think about it, I want to run until I drop dead or throw myself in the river.”

Drunk or not, that was alarming. “Connor, no matter what you did, it could never be so bad that you need to hurt yourself.”

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