Page 65 of Shameless in Vegas

I can only hope that she takes my words to heart because tomorrow is going to be the ultimate fucking trust fall. I need her to know that even though she came into my life with the explicit intention of betraying me in every way possible, I am ready and willing to catch her before she hits the ground.

Natalia says nothing, but she’s looking at me through exhausted eyes that are spilling tears down her temples and into her hair, and I think that’s something. When she wraps her hand around the nape of my neck, that’s something. When she pulls my lips to hers and kisses me, and when a tiny sob slips out of her mouth and into mine, that’s something, too.

She deepens the kiss and reaches to start removing my shirt, and I don’t even bother trying to redirect her intentions or try to stop her. Her lips gravitate from mine to my chin, to my neck, and every part of me aches and burns to bury myself in her; to wrap her around me and wrap myself around her, so close and so tight that there’s no end to me and no beginning to her.

I don’t know if it’s that I’ve never experienced anything so polarizing and intense, but I’m overwhelmed by a sense that if all this shit goes south, and I lose her for real—like I’m sure I probablywill—I’m never going to be the same again. I will be left with an excruciating, gaping, Natalia-shaped hole in my heart, and it’s never going to heal.

And that’s the reason I’ll follow my baby sister’s lead and never get married for real.

How could I possibly ever hitch my friggin’ soul to another person’s when I’ve already lost it to one that’s just going to disappear forever?

I’m so lost in her right now that I barely notice stripping off my clothes and climbing under the sheet to brace my body above her, my hips between her thighs, and our lips so entangled that we’re gasping on each other’s breath. It’s only when I lower myself to close the distance between us and she tenses up from pain that I come back to reality.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” I murmur against her lips. “I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

Natalia abruptly pulls back her face and looks at me with deadly seriousness. “Youwill never hurt me. I know that.”

We’re once again caught in double-speak. It’s notjustabout my body agitating the physical injuries covering her torso. It’s also about the fact that the same mother fuckers who nearly murdered my sister and my parents have beaten Natalia into submission and turned her into a human killing machine. It’s about the fact that Ihavenever andwouldnever lay a finger on her in that way. And now she knows it.

So, now, I think she trusts me enough.

“No, I won’t,” I underscore as she wraps her hand around my cock and guides me to her hot, slick entrance. “Nunca. Créeme. Te quiero.”

Never. Trust me. I love you.

The pleading words in our native tongue seem to chip away at her further, and she whimpers another tiny sob against my neck as I carefully, but purposefully thrust into her and retreat, over and over and over.

She quietly cries the whole time, and the nagging ache that’s been panging my chest since I first found the secret phone intensifies to the point that my heartbreaks.

“Te quiero,” she returns the words, and maybe I’m a fool, but I believe her.“I love you, Joaquin. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

The words and her quiet sobs continue through our simultaneous, explosive climax that has me holding her so tightly against me that I’m lifting her off the mattress, and she goes limp in my arms. She continues to silently cry, and I pull out of her, rolling over onto my back and bringing her with me. Holding her against my chest, I stroke my hand up and down her back, my fingers grazing over the hot, tender welts that flank her spine, and I’m rendered speechless.

“Joaquin,” she says after several beats of silence.

“I’m here,amor.”

Natalia lifts her head to look me dead in the eyes. “On my life, I will never hurt you either.”

Double-speak.

The execution she was sent into my life to carry out. The deadly revenge she was assigned by the cartel to rain down upon me.

She doesn’t even know that I know about any of it, but she’s telling me right now that, despite the consequences it likely means for her, she’s prepared to abandon her mission.

And maybe I’m a fool, but I believe her.

SIXTEEN

NATALIA

IT’S FOREIGN TO ALLOW myself to break down in such a manner, let alone with an audience, let alone in the arms of a man.

But then again, I have never loved anyone before. And I’ve certainly never fallen in love with someone whom I am mere hours away from leaving forever.

So, I’ll let it slide.

Just this once.

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