Page 48 of Shameless in Vegas

He’s sounderstanding.

He’s sopatient.

He’s such agood person.

I want to fuckingcry.

How am I supposed to do what I have to do if he keeps saying stuff likethat?

“Joaquin, I…” I attempt, “I don’t know what I—”

“You’re overthinking everything, and you have baggage, and I get it.” He kisses my forehead. “But it really is just as simple as I said. I love you. I’m not going anywhere. And you have all the time you need to sort through your feelings. Now.” He swats my assagain, which is still annoying enough that it helps to ground me. “Go with Lili, and maybe grab yourself a coffee refill because you still look a little sleepy.”

I’d much rather dothatthan dwell on what he said, because dwelling on it will only deepen the crack in my facade. I nod compliantly. “Okay.”

Joaquin breaks away from me to trudge through the sand and shoot the breeze with Colin and Elle, and I follow Lili as we start up the long, winding path of stone steps that leads to the house.

“I know you probably think I’m pathetic,” Lili mumbles almost immediately.

I cut a bewildered glance at her and then look back at the large paver stones as we step carefully. “Huh?”

“Like, that I’m so hung up onhim,” she clarifies.

“Oh. Right. Colin.” I swap my coffee to my opposite hand and sweep my hair over one shoulder and off my sweaty neck. “I don’t think you’re pathetic. It just seems like—”

“I mean, it is kind of pathetic,” she goes on, not really hearing me. It’s clear she just needs to vent, only needs a listening ear, and that’s actuallyideal. WhatIneed is to quickly come up with a reason to get away from her for five minutes to go check the phone, since this is literally the first time in a week that Joaquin isn’tright there.“I’ve known him since I was a kid, and he’s basically our adoptive brother, so it’s totally understandable that he’s never seen me as anything but a little sister type, butstill.”

She sighs listlessly as we crest the top of the steps and start the long walk up the tree-lined path that leads to the rear entrance of the house.

“Well, I mean, Lili,” I say, forcing my brain to tap dance between making conversation and coming up with an excuse to go back to Joaquin’s room. “Feelings are… you know… complicated. And Colin’s very nice and handsome, so it’s understandable that—”

“And it’s not like I’m nothappythat he’s so happy with Elle. Iamhappy for them,” she interjects, and an idea suddenly bursts into my mind.

The oldest fucking trick in the book.

When in doubt, blame your period.

Men fear it. Womendon’t questionit.

“I really do love Elle, and I love that they found each other. I just…” She sighs again, and I offer her a sympathetic smile.

“You just can’t help how you feel.” I pat her back as we approach the large French doors. “That’s totally understandable. I think what you need is—” I silence myself and fake a contorted expression. “Uh oh.”

Her thick, dark brows draw together. “What’s wrong?”

I force a laugh and cross one leg over the other. “I think I miscalculated my… you know…cycle.”

Her brows lift as her mouth forms a perfect, plump circle. “Ooohhh…” Dropping her head backward, she utters a sympathetic groan. “That sucks. Of course it’s on the day we decide to go to the beach.”

I laugh again and wave my arm as she pulls open one of the doors. “It’s okay. I’ll just go upstairs to take care of it and change.” I gesture in the direction of the kitchen. “If you want to wait for me, I can help you carry the drinks.”

“Oh, no. Don’t worry about it.” Lili strolls toward the kitchen. “I was going to have Eleanor whip up something fun and have one of the staff bring it down to us.” She gives her hair a toss. “I mostly just needed a moment to pull my pathetic self together, so thanks for letting me vent.”

I offer a perfectsisterlygrin. “Anytime.”

Andnow, it’s mother fuckinggo time.

Glancing behind me, I take quick, long strides down the hall and toward the main staircase, and thenrunup the stairs, leaping over them two at a time. Despite the lingering grogginess still clouding my brain, the clarity of focused drive settles over all of my senses, and I check my surroundings as I stealthily sprint down the hall to the bedroom.

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