“Azari, I didn’t want to just take him without checking with you. I didn’t come here to start confusion. I just wanted to see if you were okay. Despite how and why we broke up, I still care about you and what happens to you.”
“He can go, but as you saw last week, he’s with my dad. I don’t want him to have to constantly be around me while I’m feeling like this. He deserves to be able to be a kid without having to worry about me.”
“Okay. I’ll bring him back Sunday evening. Is there anything you need for X? Is there something I can do to make the load easier?”
She frowned at him again. “You left me because you didn’t want to be with me because you were going to have to take care of me. Now you’re asking if I need anything extra? Hell naw. Keep the same energy you had when you left. I have a real man now. If you’re done, I have an appointment to get ready for.”
He bit his bottom lip, then turned and left without a word. I knew he was swallowing the words of venom he probably wanted to spit. That was why he was biting his lip. I was surprised he didn’t ask to talk to her privately. After he left, Az’s motherwalked into the room with her food. “Jackass,” she said under her breath.
She set the bowl of pasta on the tray along with a bottle of water then left the room. Az didn’t say thank you, so I yelled it out for her. She slid her hand over her face and said, “I’m sorry, Mama. Thank you!”
“You’re welcome, baby!” she yelled back.
They were both irritated by his presence. I liked how she flaunted me in front of him, though, saying she had a real man. That shit had my chest puffed out. I picked up the fork and began feeding her.
“My aunt wants to come spend time out here and help with whatever either of us need. She’ll be here tomorrow. I have to pick her up from the airport. I told her that I didn’t know how you would feel about her being in your space since you didn’t know her, but I would run it by you.”
Az smiled slightly. “She’s the woman that played a part in the man you became. I won’t mind her being in my space. Chozen, you have been nothing short of amazing, and I still don’t understand why you chose me. I’m grateful you did though.”
I leaned over and kissed her lips, not totally understanding why I felt the way I did either, but like her, I was totally grateful for her presence in my life as well.
“Ireally hope I’m feeling okay when homecoming rolls around. I want to experience that at an HBCU. Just from watching YouTube videos, I know it’s gonna be fire,” I said to Chozen on our way to the doctor’s office.
“Yeah, me too. I really want to experience that with you. It’s only a couple of weeks away, right?”
“Yeah. Just from watching all the hype, them dancing to Lil Jon, Ying Yang Twins, and ‘Swag Surfin’’ videos from last year got me hype about this year. I need my body to cooperate.”
“We gon’ pray that it will.”
I was doing my best to stay in good spirits before my appointment, and I was doing my best to keep Chozen’s mind off it too. While he was trying to hide it, I could tell he was just as worried as I was. I appreciated his strength in this moment, but I refused to let him suffer in silence, even if it was only for a few hours.
Turning to him, I grabbed his hand. I closed my eyes for a moment, because even just that slight shift of weight on my hips was damn near debilitating. “Chozen, it’s okay to feel nervous or scared. I know this isn’t a normal situation. You don’t have to hide it from me. I feel those things, and it would make you inhumane to not feel it too. You don’t have to be a pillar of strength. I get it, baby.”
He glanced at me then brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. I wanted to make love to him so bad. I was willing to endure the pain just so I could feel him inside of me. This man was the real deal and the full package. He was sweet, caring, loving, and a protector. I could see that side of him when Fabian brought his stank ass to my place earlier. The frown on his face said that just that quickly, he didn’t play about me. I couldn’t imagine he possessed a confrontational or violent bone in his body, but had Fabian gotten out of pocket, I would have seen it front and center.
“I am worried, but not without hope. I have hope that you will come out of this shining bright. I’m just nervous about what you may have to go through to get there. I don’t ever want you to think I’m not strong enough to handle what you’re going through. I just hate to see you in pain. Even whenyouthink you’re hiding it, I can see it. I will always be your pillar of strength, no matter how weak I may feel. That’s what a man does. I know if there ever came a time where I needed to lean on you, you would be there, showing strength you may not even have. Let me be that for you, baby. Although we’ve only known each other for a short while, I will sacrifice myself to make sure that you’re good.”
My eyes nearly rolled to the back of my head. I needed him so badly, and I’d be damned if I was going to go another day without him. I did my best to squeeze my legs together to controlthe stirring I felt below, but the friction against my clit only made it worse. He glanced at me and asked, “Are you okay?”
I shook my head, keeping my eyes closed. When I felt the car come to a stop, I opened them to see we were at a traffic light. Chozen was staring right at me, and his eyes were filled with concern for me.
“I’m not hurting any worse, Chozen. I’m somewhat embarrassed to say now, for some reason.” I lowered my head and closed my eyes yet again. “I want to experience you sexually, Chozen.”
My body had begun trembling with nervousness, and that alone was irritating my hips. His hand slid across my cheek, then he grabbed my hand, pulling it to him. When I felt the material of his slacks, I gripped the hardness that I felt as he emitted a deep groan.
“I wanted you from day one, Azari.”
My exhale after what he said indicated I’d been holding my breath without even knowing it. I opened my eyes and stared at him as he drove through the green light. His skin had a slightly red hue, but the bulge in his pants was what was calling my attention.Jesus Christ.Hopefully they gave me some strong pain meds, because my mouth was nearly salivating like those vampires’ mouths were in the movieSinners.
He glanced at me, and a slight smile formed on his lips. “If I didn’t know any better, I would think you wanted to do something in this car.”
“It’s a shame you don’t know any better. I would do it in a heartbeat as soon as you parked in that parking garage, if I were physically able to. I do want to experience you soon, Chozen.” I took a deep breath and chose to voice my thoughts. “There may come a time when I can’t. I don’t want to wait that long to experience all of you. I’m more than sure he will give me pain meds.”
“I’ll give you whatever you want, Az. I’ve told you that. I surely don’t have a problem with that. I would love to give you more if you let me.”
I frowned slightly. I knew he meant things of monetary value. The last man I trusted refused to offer monetary help, but then his bitch ass wanted to offer that very thing when he saw Chozen. I knew better than to compare him to Fabian’s trifling ass. Taking a deep breath, I asked, “What type of ‘more’ are you speaking of?”
I needed specifics. However, at this point, I would probably allow him to do anything except move me away from my family. This man had gained my trust in such a short amount of time. He glanced at me as he turned into the parking lot of the doctor’s office and headed to the parking garage.
