“Chozen, I don’t want to feel like a user. I didn’t say you could be around so you can?—”
“Azari, I want to be your man, baby. What man do you know allow their woman to struggle, especially if they have the means to keep her from doing so?”
“There are plenty men?—”
“Nah. That’s not men. That’s boys trying to be men. Like a middle school boy thinking he could hang with high schoolers. I’m all man, and I’m gonna take care of you. I meant everything I said on that card. Did you read it?”
“Yeah.”
“Where is it?”
I leaned over and couldn’t control my facial expression. I winced from the pain in my hip, and I believed he noticed. When I had the card in my hand, he said, “First, if something is uncomfortable or painful, please don’t do it, especially if I’m sitting right here, woman. Now, I want you to read it out loud.”
My eyebrows went up. There was no way I would be able to keep my emotions in check if I read this card aloud. I couldn’t keep them in check reading it silently. “Why?” I asked.
“Because I want my words to sink in. I want you to feel me, baby. I want you to be mine, Az.”
I took a deep breath and pulled the card from the envelope, my hands trembling. Closing my eyes briefly, I did my best tosubdue my emotions. My eyes were already watering just from what I knew the card said.
“Azari, you are so special to me. I don’t know why, but my heart is calling for you. My soul craves you. It’s not that I feel sorry for you. I was feeling you before I knew anything was wrong in your life. I just want to be for you what you are to me. Your presence makes me excited to live life to its fullest. You have to be the one God made for me, because I swear, I wasn’t actively searching.”
I closed my eyes again, and a slight smile made its way to my lips. When I reopened them, Chozen was staring at me, waiting for me to finish. “I feel like I’m suffocating without you. I’m worried sick, baby. Let me be there. Let me help you through whatever it is you’re going through. I promise, your heart is safe with me, no matter what obstacles present themselves. You just have to let me be there. I need you, and despite your silence, I know you need me too. Please call me. Chozen . . . to be yours.”
The tears were falling down my cheeks uncontrollably as he tenderly swiped them away. When my eyes lifted to his, he said, “I want to be here.”
I nodded as he closed in the distance between us and kissed my lips. As he was about to pull away, I brought my hand to his cheek, holding him to me. I slid my tongue to his, and he reciprocated, then slowly brought his hands to either side of my face. My eyes were closed, but I could feel them roll to the back of my head. As badly as I was hurting, I still wanted to know what it felt like for him to make love to me. His kiss was so passionate. I didn’t want it to end.
When he pulled away, he said, “Your kiss softens me even more. Damn, your lips gotta be as close to God as I’m gon’ get here on Earth.”
He took my breath away with his words. My lips were dry and damn near cracking, and here he was comparing them to God’s.Going back to my plate, he twirled the fork, gathering noodles, then stabbed a shrimp at the end and brought it to my mouth. My eyes were glued to his as I accepted the food.Jesus.
I noticed my mama standing in the doorway with a smile on her face, watching us. Once I finished chewing and swallowing my food, I said, “What’s wrong, Mama?”
She smiled bigger. “Just seeing you look better warms my heart. He’s got to be the one if he can pull you out of your stubbornness.”
I slightly rolled my eyes as Chozen chuckled. Grabbing the water bottle, I took a sip, then told Chozen I was done. I couldn’t force any more food down. I was grateful to be able to get any of it in. When she walked away, I brought my gaze to his. “Thank you, Chozen.”
This week had been slightly rough. Azari was feeling worse and hadn’t made it to class. I was on my way to her house to pick her up for her doctor’s appointment. Yesterday, I’d lain in bed with her for hours, holding her in my arms, listening to her silent tears. My hearing was still on point, even when she wasn’t saying a word. I could hear her pain, her uncertainty, and her worry. I wanted to assure her that everything would be fine, but I didn’t want to keep rehashing things I’d already said. It was my job to just be there.
So, because I’d gotten the numbers together for RJ, and JC Architectural Firm had gotten the job, he gave me the week off to be everything I needed to be for Azari. Besides leaving for class, I was by her side every step of the way. I’d even spoken to her professors and let them know what was going on. They were extremely understanding and had emailed her assignments. Most of the notes were on the Blackboard app. I just had to makesure she had access to it. Despite how she was feeling, she was still getting her work done.
She didn’t want to have to withdraw from school all over again. Her determination to continue made any excuse I had for not wanting to go to class seem ridiculous. If she could fight through how she was feeling to get her work done, then surely, I could get my work done as well. Her parents had been keeping her son, but after her appointment today, I would be meeting him for the first time. I had to pack clothes, then I would be heading to her place to spend the weekend with her.
As I packed, my phone rang. I knew it was someone from the family, because they were the only ones who called. Most times, I called Azari before she had a chance to call me. I was quickly noticing that she wasn’t much of a phone person. She would much rather talk in person. That made sense because she wasn’t a very talkative person. Quiet moments weren’t as awkward in person as they were over the phone.
Grabbing my cell, I saw it was Aunt Candace. “Hello?”
“Hey, baby. How’s everything?”
“Hey, Aunt Candace. Things are okay. Tough but okay.”
“I understand. I know you have your hands full, but I wanted to make a trip out there to help any way I could, even with Azari and her son. Although we haven’t met, I know things have to be hard on her mother too.”
“That’s sweet, Auntie. I’ll run it by her.”
“I’m coming anyway, because I need to lay eyes on you. I know how private you are. You’ll tell me you’re okay, even when you really aren’t. I’ll be flying out tomorrow morning. If RJ needs me for anything, I can work at the office out there.”
“Okay. What time so I can pick you up?”
