“So what is it that you don’t know about?”
“You know how I feel about relationships and love.”
“This man has already shown you more care than Fabian ever did. You know I’m not lying. I hated that you were blind to the emotional abuse you were suffering through with that man. He was never really there for you if you think about the times when you needed help. The nigga was pathetic. This man is showing you care like you’re already his woman. I wouldn’t take that lightly if I were you. I told you that if the right man came along, you would have to eat your words. Hopefully, they taste okay.”
I shoulder bumped her as she laughed. “He’s really sweet. He’s supposed to call me later. I didn’t shut him out. I told him about what led me to getting my leg amputated when he asked. You know that’s usually hard for me. How am I gonna date aman and expect a relationship with him, knowing I have cancer? When I told him, his eyes widened in surprise but only because he didn’t know I was dealing with so much. The way he handled me didn’t change.”
“That man is going to be your forever. I can feel it, Az.” She grabbed the to-go container from the table and opened it. “I should have known you got some kind of seafood pasta. You were at a whole steakhouse and got pasta.”
She rolled her eyes and closed the container. I laughed. Honestly, I was glad she didn’t want it, because it was so good. I couldn’t wait to eat it for dinner along with the eggroll I’d gotten from Chozen’s appetizer plate. Noticing my baby hadn’t made his way to the front room where we were yet, I asked, “Where is X? Is he napping?”
“No. He went to the store with your daddy. That boy thinks he has to follow his papa wherever he goes. The only way your daddy can leave here without him is if he’s asleep. They had to go to the hardware store. We have a rotten plank of wood in the hallway, and he’s going to replace it.”
I nodded. My daddy was a decent carpenter. I wished he was a mechanic these days though. I felt like my car was on its last leg. I couldn’t afford preventative maintenance. It cost damn near a hundred dollars for an oil change. It used to be like forty dollars when I first got the car seven years ago. I couldn’t afford for this car to go down though. There was no way I could afford a car note. I could barely pay the bills I had now. If it weren’t for SNAP benefits, I didn’t know how we would afford food these days.
“He’s probably going to try to help him replace the wood.”
My mama chuckled then stood. “Let me go check my meat before I burn it. You had my damn attention for a minute, talking about Noah’s fine ass.”
I slowly shook my head as my phone chimed. Had I known Xavier was going to leave with Daddy, I wouldn’t have rushed away from Chozen. We could’ve talked longer and gotten to know one another better. I felt like I’d known him a long time already though. He’d taken on his uncle’s last name but kept his mama’s last name as well. Chozen Amir Long Scott. I knew the particulars, but what I knew I wanted to learn was what made him tick.
He was so sexy, and he was a fool if he thought I didn’t notice his erection when I left today. I felt like that was why he allowed me to leave so quickly. He was doing his best not to make me uncomfortable. If he only knew. The last thing I felt was uncomfortable. With all the tribulations in my life, the last thing I was worried about was sex. After today, it was at the forefront of my mind. His hands sliding down my body when he lowered me to my feet earlier nearly set my ass on fire, despite how emotional I was feeling about his act of kindness.
Checking my messages, I saw it was from him. I knew it would be, because Fabian never messaged. He was a fucking deadbeat, and I wished I had chosen someone better to be fruitful with. A slight smile made its way to my lips as I opened the message.Just thinking about you. I enjoyed your company today. I can’t even function at work. Good thing RJ isn’t here.
I chuckled and responded immediately.I was just telling my mama how great my day was. That was because of you. RJ can’t be that bad. I don’t see him as a micromanager. LOL!
I bit my bottom lip, then stood from the couch only to fall back down. My hips and back were killing me suddenly. I closed my eyes tightly and started praying. My eyes popped open, and it was like a ton of bricks fell from the sky and landed right on my head.The multiple myeloma is getting worse.When I was first diagnosed with it, I read up on symptoms that I’d just brushedoff. One of those symptoms was bone pain, especially in the hips, back, and ribs.
My phone chimed with what I was sure was a response from Chozen, but I couldn’t even look at my phone right now. All I could think about was my illness. This couldn’t happen at a worser time. I was just getting started with school again. I refused to let this shit hinder me. After taking deep breaths, I checked his message.
That nigga ain’t a micromanager, but he would surely be fucking with me about how much I’m feeling you already. It’s done in love though.
I smiled slightly then tried to stand again, only to fall back to the couch. Maybe that was the pain I was feeling earlier, thinking it was because of my prosthesis. It could very well be peripheral neuropathy, which was another symptom. My other leg was hurting, too, but I figured it was only hurting because I was putting even more weight on it to avoid dealing with the pain in the other. It was amputated right above my knee, taking the nerve endings with it, but it could very well hurt at the site because of the prosthesis.
Trying to stand again, I got my bearings and made my way to the kitchen to see Mama putting food in containers. She did that as soon as she was done cooking so she could wash the pots. She knew they wouldn’t eat it all, even after giving me a plate to take home. She typically cooked every other day, making sure there would be enough for two days.
She turned to look at me and immediately frowned. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“You’re lying. I can always tell.”
I lowered my head and sat at the table. “I think my cancer is getting worse. My hips and back were hurting so badly a minute ago, I could barely stand.”
“You are going to have to go to the doctor. Worry about bills later. Pay your light bill for sure, but worry about everything else after your health. Please, baby. I need you to take care of you. If you don’t, you won’t be here to pay bills.”
I lowered my face to my hands as I heard my phone chime again. Chozen was too good of a man to have to deal with this shit, but I would definitely let him know what was going on. He needed to make an informed decision. I didn’t think he would withdraw his friendship, but it could make him change his mind about wanting a relationship with me. Just by the way he stared at me earlier, I could tell he wanted to kiss me. As happy as I was feeling, I probably would have let him.
Feeling my mama’s hand on my back, rubbing it in a circular motion, coaxed the tears right out of me. I was already worried, and I wasn’t sure if that was even what it was. It could be something less serious. I lifted my head and smiled at her as I heard my dad’s truck pull into the driveway. I had to put on a front for my baby. She was well-aware of how I faked it for him. One day I would be where I was supposed to be, physically, mentally, educationally, emotionally, and financially. I could use improvement spiritually as well. So my plan would have to be to fake it until I make it.
My mindset would have to remain as positive as possible. This was going to be a hard journey, but it was something I not only had to do for my own well-being but my son’s as well. I briefly thought about Chozen and what he could add to my life as far as happiness went, but I had to be happy on my own first.
My mama went back to what she was doing, just as my baby ran through the back door. “Mommy!”
“Hey, baby! How are you? I heard you were at the hardware store. Are you going to build something?”
“I sure am! Papa bought me a tool belt!”
