Page 18 of Keg's Revelation

When Ry finally looked at me, his expression was unreadable. “Do you think I love motorcycles because of him?”

“Well, I’m not sure it falls under traits that are passed down to children, but you never know.”

“He was really cool and nice when he talked to me before he got mad and was yelling at you.”

“He was angry with me. So were you, Ry. You shut down, where Reed was vocal with his anger. You’ll have to make your own decision about Reed, Ry.I can tell youwhat type of person he is, but it isn’t a guaranteeyou’ll seehim that way. To be honest, he could have changed. I doubt it, but today was the first contact with him I’ve had since he was nineteen, and I was a couple months shy of seventeen. I wish I could tell you how to feel about him, but I can’t. All I can say is give him a chance. You both had a bomb dropped on you today, huh?”

“My middle name is after him, isn’t it?”

“Yes. When you were born, I named you Ryker Reed Newhouse. Then your last name changed to Allen once your dad and I were married.”

“Mom?”

“What is it, Ry? You can ask me anything.”

“Did Da...Derek know about him?”

“Yes, and Derek may not have been biologically your dad, but he loved you as if he was. It’s okay to still refer to him as your dad. You understand?”

“Then what do I callhim?”

“Oh, sweetie, it’s up to you. I’m not in a position to tell either you or Reed how to deal with this. I’m the cause of it. My decisions, right or wrong, have done enough damage to the both of you. I’ll be here, but it will be up to you and him on where you go.”

“Why did you do it?” And there was the question I waited for.

“I could blame everything on being seventeen years old and leave it at that, but you deserve so much more from me. How about I start at the beginning? When I’m done, if you have more questions, I’ll answer them the best I can.”

I took Ry’s nod as a go-ahead. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, I began to explain. Not sure exactly where to start. There aren’t many teenage boys who’d want to hear how their young parents fell in love, and it wasn’t enough. And Reed and I were in love, it was why it hurt so much when it ended.

“You know a little. Like I moved in with Gran and Gramps when Nana and Pappy Jacob moved to Raleigh. And then, I moved in with Nana after her car accident. Reed and I had dated before I moved, and since I didn’t know if I would be back or even when, we ended our relationship. After a few months with Nana, I found out I was pregnant with you. I was torn on telling Reed because of the breakup. I wasn’t sure how he would take the news. I was young, Ry. It isn’t an excuse, but when you’re young, you look at things differently and make decisions that you probably wouldn’t if you were older. If I were in the same situation now, I would pick the phone up and call Reed. Leaving the decision his if he wanted to be part of the baby’s life. Instead, I kept him out of the equation without considering his feelings. Sometimes, though, I would look at you and question my choice. But in my mind, time had passed by and I felt it was too late. Using that as an excuse when, in truth, I was scared to face Reed. Not because I was afraid of what he would do, it was because I didn’t want him to hate me. It amounts to being selfish.

“You weren’t even three when Derek came into our lives. You took to him immediately, and it scared me. I started wondering if I cheated you out of a father/son bond, which again, had me questioning not telling Reed about you. And your dad...Derek fell hard for you, too. I won’t say it made it easier on me, it did make me feel that maybe I had made the right decision. Then when he asked me to marry him, he also asked to become your dad, legally, not just because of the marriage. He wanted you to share his name, too. I agreed, and he was listed on your birth certificate. You were four.

“I finished college and then went straight into veterinarian medicine. Looking back, I’m not sure how we juggled it all: young, married, both of us still in school... We even added Reagan to the family before graduating from NCSU College of Veterinary Medicine. But we did it all.

“Looking back at how busy we were with everything, at some point, I stopped worrying. You were getting older, and by then, it didn’t seem as important. You were happy, Derek loved you, and you loved him, and I guess a part of me didn’t want to be the reason for it all to crash around you. As your parent, it’s my job to protect you, and in doing so, I’m the one that’s caused you the most pain. I can’t go back and change it, but I promise I’ll help you adjust in any way you need me to,” I finished and waited for Ry to absorb everything I told him.

“If we hadn’t moved here, would you have ever told me about my real dad?”

Grownups underestimate how much a child comprehends.

“I’m not sure, Ry. I’d like to think I would have eventually because in my heart I knew it was wrong not to. Once the decision to move back was made, I also knew at some point, I’d have to come clean. There’d be no way of avoiding Reed forever, and it would be only a matter time that we ran into him. Him seeing you, your looks, your age... He’d realize the timing fit. So, I was prepared to tell him and you, I was just trying to grow the courage.”

“I overheard you and Nana arguing.”

I frowned. “What?”

“You and Nana were in the kitchen, and I was coming from my room. I heard you discussing us moving here. She tried talking you out of it. I thought it was because she’d miss us being so far away. Then she said that you’d be a fool to think the truth would stay buried if you moved back. I didn’t understand what she meant.”

I thought back and tried to remember the conversation. It was after Gramps had called about wanting to retire. To me, it was perfect timing, the kids and I needed a change. The decision to take over his practice and move back to Washington was made during the call. My mother showed up shortly after, and I’d caught her by surprise telling her of my decision. I told her it was for the best. It would be the final step in healing from the loss of Derek. A clean slate for the three of us to form a life without him, leaving the constant memory of him every time we walked into the house. We’d argued, and Ry was right with what he’d overheard. She and I had dropped the subject when he walked into the kitchen. It never crossed my mind he’d heard any of the argument.

“She was talking about my real dad finding out, wasn’t she?”

Yeah, adults didn’t give kids enough credit.

“Yes.” What else could I have said? He’d deserved the truth from me.

He ran his hand over the model, then set it on the nightstand by his uneaten food. “I’m hungry now.”

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