Page 4 of Devil

I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes closed. Why, of all days, didshefeel the need to go over this? I opened my eyes and with another deep breath, “Yes, Mom, I am. I’ve dated several men since Lance. Shit, until right before I moved back here, I was engaged. I would still be engaged or married if I hadn’t broken it off with Matt. Before that, I dated Steven who cheated with someone I thought was a good friend. Did I pine over that?” I didn’t give her a chance to answer, “No, I didn’t. So, what has brought this on about Lance?” I stopped what I was doing to turn to look at her. She paused what she was doing and shifted to face me.

“Then how come you haven’t seen Sami or Carly since they both moved to Black Hawk? You haven’t even been anywhere with Mac either.” Mom’s raised eyebrows let me know she noticed more than what I gave her credit for.

“Been a little busy with the bakery and you. We’ve talked on the phone and even had lunch a couple times when they’ve come into town. I haven’t been to Black Hawk because they’re both getting settled in. Mac is busy with her practice, so her free time is limited.” It was mostly thetruth,but I could tell by her expression that she wasn’t buying it.

“Bullshit!”

“Ma!”

“Fool yourself, Bailey, but don’t pull me into your denial.” We worked insilence,and as I washed and dried, she put the leftovers away and wiped everything down.

When we were finished, I went to my bedroom and changed into sweats and a t-shirt before I made my way into the living room. Mom was already there sitting in the recliner with her feetup,and the TV was on showing the news. As I sat down on one side of the couch, I noticed a glass of iced tea sat on the end table. The gesture might seem small tomost,but I was supposed to be taking care of her, which at first she was too weak and hadno choiceother than to allow it. Not so much as she gradually began to build her strength back after the treatments stopped. Mom wasn’t out of the woods yet, but each day that passed with her in remission, the odds of beatingher cancerwould grow.

I picked up the entertainment magazine off the coffee table and flipped the pages while I ran every detail from my encounter with Lance through my head. I had no clue what had been going through his mind because I had been dealing with my thoughts at the time. But after my mom made the statement about Sami and Carly, it was all I could think about. Yeah, I was hurt overeverything,but I moved on—I survived. The hardest part was needing my best friend, then remembering he was the reason for some of the hurt.

After Ilaidthe magazine on the table, I settled backintothe couch, curling my legs up on one side of me just as the news ended.

“What do you want to watch?” I asked like I did almost every night since I moved home.

“You choose,” Mom said as she tossed the remote to me. I caught it, and before I pulled up the guide to see what was on, she continued. “You shouldn’t be sitting home with your mother; you should be out with friends having fun. Better yet, a man.”

I stopped scrolling and turned to look at her. “Ma, really? Are we back to that, again?” I lifted my eyebrows at her.

“I’m going to tell you what I think, whether you want to hear it or not.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you will,” I sighed.

“You don’t want to go visit Sami and Carly because you don’t want to take the chance of running into Lance at the Black Hawk compound. The three of you hung out frequently until they took up with Kane and Russell. And I know Mac is a new addition to your little group, but you aren’t even staying in contact with her. Now you spend your entire time either at the bakery or here. Sweetie, I’m so thankful to have had you around to helpme,but I am feeling better, and frankly, your hovering is getting on my nerves. If you and I have learned anything over the last several years, it is life is short.”

“I really am not avoiding Lance, Ma. I’ll be going to Black Hawk to attend a birthday party for Sami’s little girl, Ally. Which she invited you also if you’re up to it. Plus, Sami hasn’t been working as much at the strip club because of moving. Once she gets settled in, she will be in town more often. As for Carly, she is stillrecuperating,and I don’t think she is supposed to be back to work at the station for at least a month. Mac has been busy too. I will see a lot more of her once I get the results of my RN test. As soon as my score is in, I will have an interview and talk with her. And as far as Lance goes, well, he’s the one who avoids me. At least that was the case until this evening when he came in with Ally to pick up dessert for dinner at Sami’s house,” I said that all in onebreaththen went back to scrolling on the TV.

“Why didn’t you say anything when you came in?”

I sighed, “Because I didn’t want to have this conversation with you. It wasn’t a big deal. I’ll admit it was awkward at first, but I got through it. You know, young love and all that bullshit. Lance went his way, I went mine. Yes, I was a mess when he didn’t come around when his trainingfinishedor any other time he made it back to town. But I survived that too. The part that hurt the most was not a single word when James died or even Dad. James was a friend to all ofthem,and we heard from each one except Lance. Their fathers came to both funerals. Hell, most of the Black Hawk MC came.

“Besides, what did you think when I started dating others when I finally went to college? I moved on. Let’s not forget that I was engaged not that long ago.” I clicked on an HBO original movie that looked interesting and then placed the remote on the table beside me before my mom said anything in reply.

“Yes, I do remember all that. I also remember the guys you dated when you went away to college,” she shook her head, “losers. Every single one of them.”

I laughed at the expression on her face more than at her words. “They weren’t that bad. You liked some of them.”

“No, I really didn’t. You seemed to likethem,so I wanted you to be happy. I went to bed most nights and prayed it was just you sowing your wild oats. And my worse fear was that on one of your visits you were going to announce you were pregnant.” Momtooka drink of her own tea before she continued, “That one,ummm... Draper. Good God, Bailey, could that boy even add? Ioften wonderedhow he even had gotten accepted into college.”

“Be nice.Hewent to school on a baseball scholarship. They supplied tutors for him. He did get his degree and graduate. That was how I met him, I was one of his tutors.”

“His tutor in what?”

“Math.” We both burst out laughing. I missed this with my mom. After James and my daddied,we had become closer, using each other to lean on.

“You told me you broke your engagement with Matt because you didn’t love him enough. I never said anything then because it was the beginning of my medical problems. But did you feel that way because some part of you still loves Lance?” Mom asked and sat patiently as she waited for me to answer her.

“A part of me will always love him, Ma. He was the first male, outside of thefamily, I felt that way about. But like you said back then, we were young. He and I do need to make some effort toward at least being comfortable around each other because we will run into each other more since I’m friends with Sami and Carly. Maybe he realized thattoo,and it’s why he came to the bakery, to show that he can handle being around me.Doesn’t really matter, though. We’re adults so I think we can act accordingly,” I left off that I hoped we could, especially after being close to Lance today. But there was no way I was sharingthatwith my mom, so I went on, “Besides, you’re getting back to work, and I’m waiting to hear back on my NCLEX exam, all is good.”My mom chuckled.

When my mom had called with the news about having cancer, I hadn’t thought twice about what I needed to do for her. Dropping out of school and being with her while she went through the fight of her life was a no brainer. However, when the school called and told me after lookingateverything that I was in reach of my degree, I’d been ecstatic.

I was lucky I was so close to finishing my nursing classes when my mom wasdiagnosedbecause they let me finalize everything over the computer and with more than enough clinical hours, it had worked out fantastic. Working as a registered nurse was in reach. I’d graduated witha mastersinnursingand now waited for the results from my RN certification exam.

“Oh, sweetie, at your age you should know that men never act accordingly. And we won’t even get into a discussion on them acting like adults. Well, at least not when they want something.”

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