Page 50 of Extended Bridge

“I know. You never have. I want to tell you I appreciate your seeing me for me. You know about my mother. Hell, you’ve even met Lissa, who refused to give it up in high school because she was saving it for marriage, yet was crawling all over me the other day like a long-lost lover.” He shudders. “You’re aware of my unwitting role in Darren’s death. And you still let me touch you. It means more than I can express.”

His honesty washes over me. It’s time for me to share some of my own truths. “Being with Darren was exhilarating and intoxicating. Flying to meet you guys, getting backstage passes. Being treated like his VIP. I was high on the life.” I flick a piece of lint off my leggings. “I did love him. I wouldn’t have had sex with him if I didn’t.”

“I understand.”

I doubt he does. “I also remember watching the band back then. All the groupies. The innumerable number of women you each took into whatever rooms or alcoves were available. I’m not wired that way.”

He kisses the top of my head. “I believe you. You did changeDarren in that respect, you know. Once you two were dating, that was it. When women approached him, he’d show them your picture.”

My palm flies in front of my face. “Oh. I didn’t know that. Well, he told me he’d show my photo, but not about the other.” Back then I didn’t want to know if he was faithful, so I pretended to be an ostrich and never asked.

Bennett nods, dropping his chin to his chest. “I think what we have is special. I want to explore where this relationship could go. But I don’t know how to compete with a ghost.”

Mindful of his injury, I restrain myself from straddling his lap. Instead, I rub my palm over his tatted arm. “You’re not in competition. I did love Darren.” I catch his gaze. “But?—”

My heart races.

“But it never was the way it is between us. With you, I can give you physical therapy the same way I helped him heal. Only, you throw your all into the exercises and challenge yourself to improve, following my suggestions. Darren also was successful at therapy, but I never got the feeling he exerted more effort than was minimally required.” I turn my head. “He had the help of pain meds, on which he relied too much. Obviously.”

Bennett shifts in his seat.

I don’t let him say anything. “It’s more than that, though. I was younger and your rocker lifestyle is way too easy to get caught up in. Once Darren rejoined the tour, we only spent snippets of time together. I wanted more from him than he was able to give emotionally, which I overlooked.”

“We were living the high life,” he starts to explain.

“I know. Jetting from place to place, staying in fancy hotels, being catered to by everyone was new at the time. I understood it, even enjoyed your lives vicariously.”

Dare I share this next part with Bennett?If we’re going to have a shot, he needs to know. “Truth is, I was beginning to want to go to a deeper level with Darren. Dig deeper. Whenever I tried to bring up a topic—whether it be about his absentee father or my grandmother orfuture goals, whatever—he’d change the subject to something lighter. We were total opposites. It was starting to wear on me.”

“Oh, Jenna.” He opens his arms and I lean against him.

“I loved him, Bennett, I did. But I felt it was more superficial than I needed, and he didn’t—or couldn’t—dive deeper. He was very happy to hide behind his jokes. He excelled at living large.” I take a deep breath. “Guess that’s really what killed him in the end.”

Bennett kisses my forehead. “Darren was full of life, always looking for whatever was next. Next song or next experience or next city. I never knew him to be too introspective.”

“Agreed.”

“I know he was smitten with you. Like I am.” Bennett’s lips meet mine for a brief second. “I need you to tell me I’m not competing against his long shadow.”

“You’re not. I don’t care what the media or even Darren’s mother say, you’re a very different man than he was. I loved his attitude”—as soon as I say “love,” Bennett’s body tenses. I gaze into his eyes. “You have to admit he had ajoie de vivreunlike most other people.”

“Yeah.”

Time to woman-up. I refuse to let this man slip from my fingers. I move so our thighs are touching. “As I said, he was my opposite in most respects. You. You’re a different man. More introspective. I think you’re harboring deeper pains than you’ve shared.”

Bennett’s head bounces backward, but his mouth remains closed.

“Tell me, if I asked you where your mother lives, would you answer me?”

I hear him audibly draw air into his body. “Yes.” He pauses. “She’s?—”

My fingers cover his lips. In a low tone, I say, “I didn’t ask where, onlyifyou’d tell me. Reveal this horrible pain you’ve been carrying around with you, all by yourself. When you’re ready, please share. Until then, all that matters is you’d answer the question.” I wait for what I’ve told him to sink in. “Darren wouldn’t even acknowledge a problem. I asked him, several times, to tell me abouthis father and he switched topics. Or cracked a joke. See the difference?”

He turns and brings his arms around my body, squeezing so hard my eyes water. I don’t free myself, because I need his strength as much as he needs mine.

“I would tell you anything, Jenna. All you need to do is ask.”

“I’d prefer you bring me inside on your own terms.”

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