Page 108 of Hold Still

“Yeah, well, kinda surprised myself, too. When Aiden brought me the article, I was pissed at you. Why didn’t you tell me anything about this?”

I swallow over the huge lump lodged in my throat. Looking at Ozzy, it hits me that I have to share my burdens with him if our love is going to flourish. And I so desperately want it to. In a quiet voice, I confess, “I don’t share personal things I should be able to handle on my own.”

His chin ticks upward. Taking a deep breath, I continue, “I’m not sure how much you know.”

“I need to hear it from you.”

I tell him about getting together with Matt and then how it went into a downward spiral when drugs got involved. How he abused me, and I didn’t leave. Shame washes over me, but I keep going. Through that awful night and what happened to Daddy.

“Daddy made me promise I would take care of Mom. I loved him so much. I wanted it to be me who bled out and not him. I feel like I’ve had a gaping wound ever since.” I end my story with a sob.

Ozzy wraps me in his embrace, his chin on top of my head. “Shh, it’s okay now. I’ve got you.”

He rubs my back as my tears flow. Tears about Daddy. About what happened afterwards. Knowing my story doesn’t end on that night, I force myself to say, “The trial was awful. Mom was too broken to go to most of it, but she did hear me testify. I think that was a turning point for her. Her early-onset dementia ramped up about then, but I was too wrapped up in my own misery to really notice. I took my inheritance and bought a condo in town. I had to start my own graphic design business because I was fired after I stopped going to my job when everything went down with Matt.”

I swipe the back of my hand over my nose. “My graphics were rote. Uninspired. I didn’t land great clients, but picked up enough little projects to keep the lights on.”

Ozzy continues to rub my back, remaining silent. Encouraging me to share. “I stopped my party-girl ways, Ozzy. I did. I stayed inside. I volunteered at a battered women’s shelter. Still do.”

His arms still for a moment, then continue their soothing movements. “I’d like to make a donation,” he murmurs.

“They’d appreciate it.” I suck in a breath and continue, “Every once in a while, though, I would let loose, simply because I had to. Sometimes I would go out with Shelia to concerts at the Jade, but I would always keep the banter light between her and me. I didn’t open up. To anyone.”

“We hooked up back then.”

I nod, my forehead hitting his chest. It’s now or never. “You were, you were the only guy I hooked up with after Matt. When you took an interest in me once, I thought it would be a one-time fling. And I really needed the validation. When you came back to town, I’d try to catch your eye.”

His arms run up and down mine. “I always saw you, even back then. I felt something pulling me toward you and wanted to be with you, but fought against it. Sometimes, I’d cave and get another fix. Most times, I picked another woman so as to show myself you didn’t mean that much to me.”

My lips lift at his admission. “I thought you wanted variety. But, I always wanted to be on the menu.”

He kisses the top of my head. “Tell me more about your mother.”

Closing my eyes, I recount her continued downward spiral. “A few months ago, I received a call from Becky, our neighbor, that she was roaming around the neighborhood. It was then I knew I had to put her needs above mine. I looked into home nursing care, since I had promised Daddy never to put her into a nursing home. I guess he recognized something in her even back then.” My voice trails off.

“And then you moved.”

I clear my throat. “When I found out how much the care would cost, I put my condo up on the market and started staying overnights at the house. I closed on the condo right after Rose’s bridal shower. I immediately put the funds into an account and hired Elaine. She’s the best thing to come out of this whole mess.”

“She was pretty great today.”

I tilt my head back, and he tells me about his fight with Matt. I kiss his knuckles, lip and eye. “I’m glad you’re okay.” I pause. “And that Matt’s back in jail.”

One dark brown eye bores into me. “McKenna, who have you shared all this with?”

I force a smile. “You.”

He shakes his head. “That’s today. I mean, who’s been helping you with all of this?”

“I saw a therapist for years. She helped me sort through all my emotions, and to place blame where it belonged—on Matt. She didn’t let me off the hook, though, and together we worked through the abuse.”

“I’m glad you got the help you needed.”

My eyes stray to the pool. “And, Elaine knows most of it since she’s been taking care of Mom. We talked about you.”

His eyebrows raise, highlighting his black eye. “Why didn’t you tell Rose? You two seem close.”

I shrug. “Not her responsibility.”

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