Page 78 of The Alternate Captain
“No need, I’ve got loads of stuff here,” he says, holding a bag up.
“I need shampoo.” It’s the first thing that pops into my head.
What I’m actually doing is meeting with Justine, my therapist, but I don’t need Ryan knowing about her.
“Right—well, can I use your kitchen? I’ll clear up after myself.”
I guess there’s no harm in him cooking here, so I agree, reaching for my keys and my phone to shove them into the pocket of my jacket.
Ryan moves into the kitchen and starts rummaging around in my drawers, and I figure I’ve got a few minutes to spare since I’ve got him alone, so I walk back to the living area and stop at the threshold of the kitchen.
“Hey, quick question. Have you heard the guys discussing supplements?” I ask.
“Supplements? Like legal ones, right? Or are we talking about something else?” He pauses on his way to the fridge.
I tell him about the voicemail Wes left me regarding Matt.
“Fuck. That guy is something else. But I haven’t heard anything. Though things like that aren’t discussed in the dressing room, out in the open.”
“Well, no. But keep an ear out, will you? Thanks, bud.”
I pat him on the shoulder before heading out, barrelling down the stairs two at a time.
Justine’s smile calms me.I don’t know how she does it, but she has some sort of magic way about presenting herself that makes me feel relaxed and at ease. But I guess that’s part of her job.
Her office is above a bakery in a former terraced house. It’s a pretty bizarre set up, but I’ve got used to it, even the narrow staircase that creaks with every single step I take.
“How have you been, Johnny?” she says, gesturing for me to take a seat opposite her.
The chairs are squishy and comfortable, and it feels like I’m sitting in an old lady’s front room. She leans back in her chair. Her body language is unguarded, as if she’s talking to an old friend. I wonder how long it took her to get into that habit.
“It’s been a while since we spoke last,” she says.
Where do I even start?
“Fine, I guess. I’ve had a lot going on. My dad is coming to visit. I saw Sarah, and I’ve completely pushed my sister’s feelings away. And there’s the stuff with Kelly—”
Justine shifts in her seat to sit up straight. I told her all about Kelly last time. And how things went from chatting via an app to being ghosted, to finding out she’s one of my teammates’ sisters. An emotional rollercoaster, to say the least.
“What’s troubling you right now?”
The thing at the forefront of my mind is my date with Kelly. And how I reacted after seeing Sarah.
As I recount the evening to Justine, she nods encouragingly as I talk. Standard, really. Part of me wishes she’d interrupt and tell me what I was supposed to do instead, but apparently, this is all about reflective listening and finding my own way. Bullshit.
“I don’t remember the last time I had a date, not one like that, anyway. It was easy, and it was fun and—it wasn’t even supposed to be a real date,” I say. I don’t dig into the details, but I tell Justine about how I bumped into her friend and agreed we’d both go out. “And Sarah was there.”
“How was it seeing Sarah?” Justine asks.
“It knocked me a little. In hindsight, I recognise that I was overwhelmed. I did try my steps to calm down and then Kelly hugged me, and it was... odd.”
“Odd, how?”
I talk Justine through the events, and she listens, nodding at intervals.
“It felt really calming. Like she was soothing me. It sounds completely stupid, right?”
“Not at all, Johnny,” Justine assures.
