Page 146 of The Alternate Captain
I mean, I think I am. I don’t really know what love is, but I’ve seen it.
It’s the way Liam and Vicky put each other before anyone else.
It’s the way Ryan thinks about Jenna’s favourite things and puts his all into making her dreams come true.
It’s the way Jani, our first line centre, looks at a basket of bread when we’re eating at a restaurant.
And I haven’t forgotten about when Kelly said she loved me—but I don’t know what to do with it, because I can’t bring myself to believe I’m capable of love.
I drop my head and kiss her on the lips, locking in the moment with a good memory—her in my arms where it feels like she belongs.
Then I spend the entire movie thinking about it, and trying to find the right thing to say to let Kelly know how I feel—but the issue is, I don’t even know how I feel. Not ever.
But I do know that when we’re in bed together, later that evening, and I’m looking right into her eyes as I move into her... there’s a feeling that runs deeper than any physical connection I’ve ever had. And when she comes, my name on her lips as she lets go completely—when she’s giving herself to me, there’s a reason why I’m able to do the same thing back.
A reason why I’m able to give myself to her completely, like I’ve never been able to do before.
Because I’m in love.
He still hasn’t toldhim.
And I feel sick with worry because we’re now seeing in a New Year. A New Year that was supposed to start with no secrets.
Except Johnny maintains the guise that he hasn’t found the right time yet.
And I finish telling Tom all about it just as carnage ensues at the New Year’s Eve party which he is throwing in our student house.
And if there’s anything I’ve learnt in my nineteen years, it’s that I can’t deal with it. I’m physically incapable of confrontation with strangers—even ones that burst into our home.
Not only does Darren show up with a plus one, but someone Tom fooled around with before Christmas turns up with a load of his friends.
“What are we going to do?” Marie asks, eyeing the crowd of delinquents that settle themselves in the corner of the living room.
One of them picks up the lamp and swings it around by the cord, and my stomach tenses with queasiness.
“I’d call Jake, but he’s away with the team,” Marie says, worrying her lip.
She’s onto something, because her rugby-playing boyfriend would definitely get them removed.
She exhales and looks at me, saying, “Can you call your fella?”
“No. But I can call my brother.”
Mike, Hutch, Danny, and, of course, Johnny turn up twenty minutes later, all dressed in post-game suits that have girls staring with eyes like pucks as they filter in.
Honestly, this is like something out of James Bond, because all of them are donning expressions that say‘I mean business.’
“What the hell is going on?” Mike says, coming to a stop next to me.
“It’s Johnny,” Tom shouts at the top of his voice, turning his head to project his speech over the music. And since I take longer than a second to answer, he’s hell-bent on getting a response. “Kelly? Didn’t you hear me? Johnny’s here.”
“Yes, Johnny is here,” I say.
I see him. And he sees me. Our eyes lock for a moment before a smile creeps across his face.
Bloody Johnny and his handsome face. Honestly, I could scream at him right now.
“Who the hell are those guys?” Mike says, breaking the gaze between me and Johnny.
