Page 85 of The Alternate Captain
I relax into the conversation after that, using the prompt card to fire off questions as I move around the room. If I ask my dates questions, it means I have little talking to do myself. I use the time to think about Kelly—and what my next move is.
I text Kirsty as soon as I get home and after an hour of back and forth, I’ve got a plan. Kirsty is a lifesaver.
“Thesecame for you.”Tom’s standing in our kitchen, presenting me with an enormous bouquet.
He’s holding it in his arms like he’s cradling a baby, a swoony grin plastered all over his face.
I move closer, eyeing the wonder in his arms, confused at first, until I realise they aren’t real flowers. They’re made of paper, score sheets of music crafted into roses.
“Oh my God,” I say, dropping my bag.
“There’s a card,” he says, pointing to a small envelope taped to the cellophane. “And please don’t take it back to your room to read it. Do you know how much effort I’ve put in to restrain myself? A woman delivered them earlier today and I swear to God it’s like you’ve been at work forever.”
I take my work fleece off and drape it over the back of a kitchen chair.
“Is that how long you’ve been nursing them?”
“Well, no, but they must have sprayed something on them because they smell divine.”
He passes the bouquet to me carefully, as if he’s handing me a baby.
I sit down and pluck the envelope from the plastic, turning it over in my hands a few times before examining the paper roses.
“La Gazza ladra,” I whisper.
“If he knows that’s your favourite piece, then...”
Of course he’s talking about Johnny. I remember telling him how obsessed I was with this after I watched a movie with my brothers that we shouldn’t have been watching—it was the last good memory I had with Jeremy. There are few classical pieces I enjoy, but this is one of them.
I try to angle myself away from Tom as I slip the card from the envelope, tucking it into my chest as I read.
I’m sorry. Really fucking sorry. And I’m terrible with words, so I hope these do a tiny amount to show you how sorry I am.
I really like you, Kelly. And yes, I’m emotionally unavailable, but I want to try not to be. As for leading you on? I’m hoping you’ll give me another chance. I can explain everything if you are willing to listen. If you aren’t, I understand.
I’ll call you shortly after you’re due home from work. If you don’t answer, I’ll leave you alone.
J x
“What does he mean he led you on?” Tom cranes his neck to read the card.
“Shush, Tom,” I say, waving my hand to swat him away while I read it again.
“No. I need to hear the full story,” he says, pulling up a chair and sitting right next to me.
“I told you everything,” I say.
“Did you?”
“Yes.”
Tom raises an eyebrow at me.
The emotion swells through my chest, and I sniff hard to hold back the tears.
All I want is the Johnny I knew before. The one I spent three months getting to know before I deleted the app.
Maybe this is my fault. Maybe I pushed him too far to open up.
