Page 152 of The Alternate Captain
“I’m just going to take a leak, Kel. I’ll be back soon.”
I watch him disappear through the double doors of the event space.
“What’s going on then, Kel? Tell me because I can see it written all over your face.”
But the scenarios play in my head. What if Mike disowns me? Doesn’t want to associate with me any longer—and Johnny? What if he refuses to play on the same team as him?
It could ruin Mike’s career—his chance for Team GB.
It could ruin Johnny’s career, too.
“I need to go,” I say to Auntie Julie, and I turn on my heel and amble out of the room towards the reception desk.
Because I need to cry in peace.
A dishonest man shouldnot be a leader. I know this, which is why I ask Coach for a quick word before practice. I’m a dishonest man who is really fucking heartbroken.
I’ve been on edge since Kelly texted me, telling me that Bettsy needs to be okay with it. I mean, I get it, but also, I don’t. Because what if Bettsy isn’t okay with it? Because that part doesn’t bear thinking about.
“Everything okay?” he asks. “With therapy and whatnot?”
“Yeah, not bad, thanks, Coach,” I say, trying to soften the blow. “But I was wondering if I could ask a favour?”
I’m gearing myself up. Because the longer I go without talking to Bettsy, the longer I can live in the illusion that everything is okay, and nothing has to change.
Coach narrows his eyes at me. “What kind of favour? Because the last—”
“No, nothing like that. I’ve just been thinking about some things, and I wanted to ask you to relieve me as captain for a little while. I have a few things I’m working on... with Justine—” I lie. More dishonesty, but I can’t even bring myself to tell him the truth. I’m a coward. “—and I just need some thinking space.”
Coach stands up from his desk and moves himself around to where I’m standing, perching himself on the edge for a moment before he stands again, shaking his head.
“What’s going on with you, Johnny? Help me understand.”
And then I cry. Because I’m a fucking wreck.
I end up telling Coach all about Sarah and her antics, and then about my dad, but that’s only half of it, really … I tell him there’s more.
“Johnny?” Coach prompts after a long stretch of silence, reminding me I’m in his office.
“I think I’m—it’s about a girl,” I blubber, staring ahead at the notice board behind Coach’s desk.
“Ah, Christ. I thought these days were over when I moved away from junior hockey. This is above my pay grade, you know.” He drops his head into his hands before standing abruptly.
“I know, Coach. But I’m in a mess. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.”
“I don’t think I want to hear any more about it,” he says. “Do whatever you need to do, because we’re right on the cusp of winning the Challenge Cup and the league title. What the hell are you playing at? I’d expect this sort of thing from Betts, but come on, Johnny.”
I visited Justine this morning, and she did not help the situation one bit. All she gave me was her full-of-crap reflective listening.
“Koenig—what’s your plan?” Coach says.
“Give Danny the ‘C’ for the time being. And I’ll sort my shit out, I promise.”
“The hell—is it that serious?”
“I can’t go out there and lead a team of guys when I’m carrying a huge secret, Coach. Just please. Let me have some space and I’ll fix it.”
“Okay, I really do not want to know any more,” he says, tightening his jaw. “But you’re fixing it, right?”
