Page 108 of The Tape Job
“Shall we watch the video?” I ask. I’m pulling out all the stops now, hoping to encourage him. I even give him a gentle kiss along that special spot on his neck, but he turns me down.
“Nah, let’s just cuddle. Isn’t our show on soon?”
Now I’m mad. Mad because I want to cuddle him, and I want to watch my show—which is now, officially, our show. But I’m also mad because every single day I live with that ache inside me that cannot be sated. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t enter my mind to use his morning wood to my advantage, but that would cross a major boundary.
Sulking, I turn off the light, turn on the TV and find myself in my favourite place: Liam’s arms, despite my frustration. He’s twisting a strand of my hair between his fingers, and he’s gently kissing my head in intervals. Then I hear him take a breath.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” I say, adjusting myself slightly so I can look at him.
“Did you run up that debt coming to see me? Last season, with the Marlies?”
Shit. I have a feeling he already knows the answer to that.
“I found the ticket stubs when I was looking for your bills. I mean, I was also looking through your underwear drawer, but yeah,” he says.
“It wasn’t all on that,” I admit. “I saw a counsellor too. It wasn’t for very long, but I thought it would help deal with my emotional instability. It helped, but I got scared. I mean, I can blame my parents for it, but I can’t rely on anyone else to help me fix it, can I?”
He says nothing, but he pulls me closer and kisses my forehead. “You know I’ve got you, right?”
He doesn’t need to elaborate. I know exactly what he’s saying, and I appreciate him so much.
“Lee. I know we’ve been through a lot, but I know there’s one emotion … one I’ve always been grateful for not being able to control. I’m not expecting you to feel the same as I do or anything … but I love you and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”
Silence again. But he kisses me—and that says it all.
Chapter 28
Liam
“Has anyone seen that show where they get two strangers to get married?” Bettsy says to no one in particular. We’re in the dressing room getting ready for tonight’s game.
I know exactly what show he’s on about, but I don’t want to admit it’s quickly become our show. I pretty much know all the participants by name because I watch it every night while Vicky’s tucked into my chest. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Why? Are you thinking about doing it?” Danny laughs.
“Actually, yes. But not for those reasons. They send you on an all-expenses-paid holiday,” Bettsy says, pulling on his shoulder pads.
“That’s called a fucking honeymoon, Betts,” I say, half laughing. “And it’s after you get married.”
“I’m just saying it’s a good idea.”
“Or, you could just pay for a holiday and not have the hassle of arranging a divorce afterwards,” Hutch says.
“Do they actually get married? Because I’d bet that it’s all for show and they just pretend for the camera. You’d need to consummate that shit.”
“Not even an all-expenses holiday could convince me to sleep with you, Betts,” Danny says. “What’d you reckon, Johnny? Would you do it?”
“Do what?” Johnny says, apparently only half-listening to the conversation. Since the impromptu fun we had after Ladies’ Night, dragging Johnny out for a game of friendly 3v3 hockey, he seems a little more like himself, but still not regular old Johnny.
“Get married to someone you’ve never met.”
“Nah,” he says, turning away. “I’m never getting married.”
“Everyone says that, but they do. Look at Ryan here.”
Since Ryan and Jen’s quick wedding, everyone has been finding the opportunity to crack a joke. But it’s only because everyone wants what they have. Even me. A pang of jealousy sears through me because I want to be in that position with Vicky. The thing is though, I know we’re both afraid. Afraid of the judgement we’d probably get from everyone else. The speculation of when we’ll be splitting up again—not that we’re officially back together now or anything.
