Page 43 of The Tape Job
“… there’s nothing they can do.”
“I thought you said it wasn’t bad news?” I remember yelping these words, surprised she could even understand me.
“Well, I’ve had a good life. I’ve got a wonderful husband, two boys that I love more than life itself, and you. A daughter I didn’t know I needed until… there you were. I’m counting that as an excellent life, and nothing close to being bad news. We all have our time, and now is mine.”
I don’t remember what happened next, apart from the familiar smell of Liam engulfing me and cradling me in his arms as I sobbed. He wasn’t even supposed to be there, but he was, and I’d never been more grateful to see him in my entire life.
I had so many questions I wanted to ask, so many things I knew I needed to say to her; but I couldn’t stop the tears, even for a moment. I remember thinking how selfish I was acting because she wasn’t even my mom. I should be the one consoling Liam, not the other way around. But I was beside myself, and I completely shut down.
It took me hours to calm down. Liam and I laid on his bed, holding each other for what felt like forever. Just like when his Gramps passed away, he’d acted like he was invincible.
What hit me the most was the look on Jack’s face when I gave Lois the final hug goodbye before Liam drove us back to the airport. His usual gaze towards his wife resembled the one I recognised from Liam’s expression towards me. Complete, undisputed, true love. However, it took me a few days to realise that something was different this time. And it broke me. It shouldn’t have, but it did. And I’ll never forgive myself for my actions.
Returning to Liam’s room on campus, I waited for him to leave for the gym before I packed up my things. As I shoved things into my bag, a scenario played out in my head. I didn’t want Liam to feel the way Jack was feeling right now: helpless, scared, lonely. Leaving seemed like the only solution. A way to spare him from future turmoil.
Except when he got back, I told him we were done. And he looked at me exactly the same way I’d seen his dad lookat his mom. Heartbroken. I felt lost and helpless, my world crumbling around me. Looking back, I realise how dumb it was; but in the moment, I genuinely thought I was doing what was best for us. For Liam.
I got a call later that week from Jack to say she’d gone. I got on the first flight I could to Toronto, and this time, it was me holding Liam as he sobbed into my chest.
“I wonder if he brought his Leafs jersey with him,” Jen muses as something else flicks onto the screen. “Ryan has packed all his Jets stuff up. Would you believe it?”
I highly doubt he came without his Leafs jersey. Just like he’s probably brought his Marlies jersey, too, and his Boston U sweater—then I remember that’s what I have in my closet: both home and away. I was always so proud to wear it. If he was home, I was wearing his away jersey, and vice versa. And I loved that after every game, even with the swarm of girls outside the dressing rooms, he’d come straight to me.
“We used to have sex in his Boston U sweaters all the time,” I tell Jen. I’m usually against kissing and telling, or even any talk of sex outside of Liam, but now I feel like I want to share.
“What?” she says, eyes wide.
“Yeah, always me wearing just the sweaters. Never him,” I grin, allowing myself a giggle, too.
I leave the bit out about the heels, though.
“Speaking of wearing sweaters, I’ve not seen Becca down the rink in a while.”
“Yeah, I think they’re done with each other, but she’s not even talking to me about it. And Danny doesn’t seem overly bothered this time.”
We cut the conversation short when my phone vibrates on the counter. I rush over to it, disappointed that it’s Bella’s name—not that I’m expecting to hear from anyone else.
I let it ring off and then text her instead, making out like my voice is too horse to chat.
Bella
Liam is avoiding my calls. I need to sort out some dates for the live mic session. Help!!
“Did you tell Ryan how I feel about Bella?” I frown at Jen, walking back over to the sofa with my phone.
“It may have slipped out, yes,” she says. “Sorry.”
Between Ryan and Liam, news travels fast.
“I’m guessing Liam’s avoiding her because he feels like he’s doing me a service,” I say, showing Jen the message I had from Bella.
“Oh, shit.”
“I guess I’ll have to call him and square things away. It’s the least I can do considering Bella is pretty much doing my job for me at the moment.” I pull Liam’s contact information onto the screen. “I’m going to call him here if that’s okay? I need the moral support.”
Jen nods, and I hit dial. My heart is thudding in my chest.
Liam
