Page 74 of The Import Slot
“Yeah, good luck,” he says, hanging up.
Jenna
“Youknow,sometimesIcan’t even look at Ryan. It’s too much. I have to remind myself that they are different people,” Vicky says sadly.
I can’t imagine how she must feel, having to look at Ryan’s face almost daily. I am all about looking at Ryan’s face daily, but I can empathise.
She’s getting ready to head out to do the photography and cover the social media accounts for the game tonight. I’m already in my pyjamas because I’ve had enough of today, and as soon as my bed is here, I’m in it.
“Can I ask why you called the wedding off?” I ask.
Vicky gives a thoughtful look before taking a deep breath. “It was all too much. There was a time when we’d split up, just before he went to Toronto; I didn’t want him to throw his hockey career away for me. I didn’t want to serve as a distraction and I didn’t want the lifestyle, Jen. He’d always be away, always be fighting off women. So, I told him to go without me.
“He talked about quitting entirely, but I didn’t want him to resent me. I just wanted to see him succeed, like Ryan. But then he acted like he had years of work to do in months. There’re photos online of him with a different woman every night. He didn’t care. He was just out to party.”
“What?” I say.
“Yeah. It was a lot. I can’t blame him though. We weren’t together. He was free and single, and there was some stuff with my dad that just made it all—I couldn’t hack it.” She pauses for a moment before taking a breath. “I had an anembryonic pregnancy that devastated me and sent me into depression. What I didn’t consider is that it broke Liam too. We hadn’t told anyone about it, so when it happened, we only had each other, and then the arguing started. It was nobody’s fault, but we took it out on each other.”
“Oh, Vicky, I’m so sorry,” I say.
“He was so supportive when we found out I was pregnant. We were young, but he was brilliant. He was in his last year of college. It wasn’t good timing, but we were excited to make it work.” Vicky pauses. “Thirteen weeks it took Jen. Thirteen weeks to realise that it wasn’t a viable pregnancy. Thirteen weeks of vomiting, nausea, feeling horrendous, but he was there.
“Things calmed down when he was in Toronto. Maybe the space helped, I don’t know. We reconciled, but it was all too much, so I called it off. Liam was due to come here to play so we could start our life together. It’s all my fault that Ryan had to give up his dreams for all this.”
“Well, Liam could have still come,” I say.
“Yes, he could have. There’s a low chance that he’ll get called up. I think that was his way of getting Ryan to agree,” she says. “Jen, please don’t mention all this to anyone. I know it’s a lot to ask, especially regarding Ryan, but he loves you. He’ll understand.”
“What?”
“Oh, come on, I’ve known him since we were kids. It’s obvious. I’ve never seen him like this before. I don’t even think he’s had a girlfriend, come to think of it.”
“I’m not his girlfriend. We haven’t even—”
“It’s only a matter of time; mark my words.” She winks. “I need to head out. I’ll see you later.” She grabs her bag and coat, giving me a little wave before the door shuts behind her.
I stand at the counter for a moment, listening to her footsteps walk away. Is he really in love with me? From what I overheard earlier, we were categorically ‘just friends’, and that being said aloud makes my heart feel like someone has ripped it out of my chest.
I need space to think, and I need to work out what I want.
I pull out my work laptop to concentrate on that, but I stare blankly at the screen, my mind not even capable of it right now.
I replay the conversation we had about just being friends. But that didn’t stick, did it? And now I feel embarrassed that I’ve put myself in this situation.
I’m not asking him to marry me or anything, but I guess I’d like to know that he wanted a similar commitment to me. Oh fuck, I don’t know. I can hardly ask him to commit when he’s leaving soon.
I check the time, seeing that the guys would be ready for warm-ups now, so I go to text Ryan, but he beats me to it.
Ryan:Why aren’t you at the game?
Jen:The delivery of my bed is late.
Ryan:I’ll come and see you after the game.
I hesitate for a moment.
I need to think this through properly because every time he’s near, I can’t resist him, and any logical thought goes out the window.
