Page 17 of Friendzone Hockey
But he should be mine. He belongs to me. No one else should have their fucking hands on him.
I gesture up and down his body. “I’m not talking to you like this.”
There’s a flash of something in his eyes, and I don’t miss the tightening of his jaw. Then he rubs a hand over his face, erasing the tension.
“What do you want from me, Dash?”
Everything I can’t have.
I spin the wedding ring on my finger ironically, swallowing down the lump of anger and betrayal. And yeah, that’s rich coming from me when I’m the one getting married, but he started it. He rejected me first. Fuck, though. I’m letting the gremlins take over. I can’t do that. I promised myself I wouldn’t do that.
“It’s just…” My voice cracks. “You left me. You were away from me all fucking season. I looked forward to seeing you, Stace, but you left before I could get in the door. Couldn’t get out of here fast enough.”
Oh man, Past Me is rolling over in his grave right now. He had plans to be chill about this. He had plans not to say a fucking thing about this. Now Me’s kiboshed those plans straight to hell.
The moment Stacey breaks is a horrible thing. I know how much the man never wants to hurt me, but he did, and that sinks in like acid for him. “Dash, I didn’t mean … I thought …” He looks around as if maybe someone’s thrown him a life raft to pull him out of the sinking ship that is us.
I want to claw at my eyes, tear them out so I don’t have to watch his heartbreak. But what was I supposed to do? I’ve never been good at hiding big feelings from him. “Sorry. Maybe I needsome sleep, I dunno. I can’t do this right now. See you in the morning, okay?”
He nods, utter dejection about to crumble him. I’m sure he’ll be fine. His little pool boys can pick up the pieces. I can’t. I head to my bedroom, breathing heavily behind the door, dropping the bat in the corner, and twisting my engagement ring some more. I should call Syd. Hearing his voice—that’ll help me calm down.
I do love Syd. I do. I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him. What I feel for Syd’s exciting because with him I have a real chance to move on.
But I don’t fool anyone, even myself. I’m not going to call Syd. There’s only one thing I want to do right now.
I dig through my closet. Way at the back, I have one of Stacey’s old Wildcats jerseys. I haven’t gotten my hands on one of his Vancouver jerseys, something I’d hoped to remedy this off-season. I get naked and slip into it. Then I crawl into bed.
It’s a weird thing I do, sure, but Stacey’s … Stacey.
He helped me get over the hardest time in my life. I might have developed something close to hero worship for him. He exists in a special place in my head as my hot mercenary angel. I’ve compared everyone I’ve ever dated to him, and no one’s measured up. The comfort alone. Stacey’s held me through more cryfests than I can count. I’ve lived half my life in those big arms of his.
Text Syd,a little voice says.
Syd’s away. Off on another business trip. He’s into buying apartments worldwide and renting them out—residentially and commercially. He’s out of town checking out a few prospects. He asked me to come with him, but I didn’t, thinking I’d spend time with my friend, have our last summer together before I’m a married man.
The thought makes me ache all over, and not in the fun way. Things will change. They’re already changing.
As much as I love Stacey for being Stacey, it’s because he’s him that we didn’t end up together. I don’t like to think about the time I made a huge fool out of myself, throwing myself at him. I’m lucky that because we’re such good friends, it didn’t ruin our friendship, but it could have.
I’ll always be the guy he mentored after my life went to shit. I’ll always be his boss’s son—even though my dad’s not his boss anymore. He’s made that crystal fucking clear. He’s too much the “always does the right thing” kind of guy to ever step outside of that.
You have Syd. Remember that guy?
I do.
I love Syd. I’m being crazy, and the blame solely rests on the shoulders of the blond sluts next door.
I send Syd the kiss emoji. I get a message almost immediately.
Syd
Do you need me, my love?
My love.I smile.
Me
Nope. Just sending you love.
