Page 98 of Friendzone Hockey
No. Not at all. No one tells you how much love ruins you. Slowly eats away all your sanity. There was the Stacey before Dash, and now there’s this after version. Just a shell of who I was, existing for him.
“I have to talk to you about something, but if you say it’s a bad idea, I won’t do a thing.” Even being here in this capacity isn’t my usual MO. I’m not the kind to ask for parental permission like it’s the eighteen hundreds, but this is different. Plus, I wouldn’t even be here if I thought it was a bad idea.
Dash and I are a good idea.
I’ve ruminated on Casey’s words for an entire week. I’ve watched Dash with different eyes. I don’t want anyone else touching him anymore.
He frowns. God, I hate that frown. The man’s become something of a father figure to me. His frowns have the ability to make me question all my life choices.
I’m standing, and he’s leaning back in his chair behind his desk. It’s all waaaaay formal. I’m never gonna get this out if I don’t just say it.
“I’m in love with your son. I want to marry him.” Okay, maybe that was a bit much, but it’s all true.
Then I wait.
I wait out the silence.
I wait out Travis’s contemplative stare and his fingers tapping the desk.
I wait out the fact that my heart’s threatening, with every beat, to pound out of my chest. I’m in real danger of a heart attack here.
“Shouldn’t you date him first? Or have you been this whole time? It’s hard to tell. You two are, uh, close. I don’t wanna assume, but?—”
“Are you saying me dating Dash would have been, okay?”
“Why wouldn’t it have been? If there’s anyone I want with my son, it’s you, dumbass.”
“What the fuck, Travis? All our conversations. You warned me not to date him.”
“Yeah, years ago. But he’s been dating men for a while now, and I’ve been cool with it. Why couldn’t you be one of them?”
“First of all, you have not been cool with it. Second of all …” I trail off, too furious to speak. I don’t know who I’m angrier with, him or me. I’ve been wrestling with this for so long, and Travis was a major part of that struggle, but at the same time, it’s not up to Travis to come to me with something like that. It would be weird for him to randomly suggest dating his son. It’s also not a thing Travis talks about with us regularly.
“Okay, I admit I’ve had a hard time with his choices in men. He has a type, they’re all big enough to crush him. But my kid smiles ninety percent of the time now. He’s a helluva hockey player for the Orcas’ farm team, and he’s living a healthy, joy-filled life.”
Oh my god. Oh my fucking god. I broke Mom’s number one rule. I’m the one trapped in the past, only seeing Dash’s anguish. I’m such an idiot. Everyone’s moved on but me.
“Our relationship was rocky at best, but now?” he continues. “We’re best friends. So, I’ve done something, and I was thinking of you because I wanted to show you first. You’re a lot of the reason he’s okay now. You don’t know what a gift you’ve given me. Here, look.”
He pushes the document across the table. “You’re gonna end the conservatorship?”
“Yep. I only petitioned for it in the first place because I was afraid he’d … y’know.”
He can’t even say it. I get it. I can’t even think it. We had our own suicide watch going for him.
“I have enough faith he’ll be fine. You becoming his partner, that’s the best news I could hope for.”
My insides smile. “I, uh, haven’t asked him yet. I haven’t even told him how I feel.”
He laughs. “Good luck with that.”
Step two. Let Dash know how I feel. Do I want to pull Dash aside and tell him he’s mine, the end? Sure fucking do. But that wouldn’t be fair. I spent a long time telling him we couldn’t be together, so much so that I may have missed my chance.
Fuck, I don’t know if he’s even into me anymore. Things are too muddled to tell. I need to test the waters a little.
During the off-season, we have an annual hockey boys Hibachi cookout at Kits Beach. We’re not the only ones. The beach is lined with various groups and families, taking advantage of the nice weather and finally able to bust out their trusty, portable Hibachi grills. It’s also why you gotta go early to get your spot.
So, I’m thinking, me and Dash. We’ll borrow Jack’s truck and take all the gear down to secure a picnic bench. And he’s been wanting to try the new sushi place on Cornwall, so we’ll stop in and get a few rolls to-go for an early lunch on the beach. Wecan set up, eat sushi, and be alone together while we wait for the others who will bring the rest of the food and drinks.
