Page 68 of Friendzone Hockey
“No one should. Nothing has to change, Stacey.” My stomach heaves again, but I fight it down this time. There’s nothing left in me to expel.
Stacey sighs. “Shh, c’mere, Dashie.”
He pulls me into his arms. I melt into him, becoming part of him. This is where I’ve wanted to be for the past week, but my stubborn ass wouldn’t allow it. Familiar fingers wind throughmy hair, distracting me from everything. My churning stomach fades into the background.
“You’re getting married, Dash. That changes everything.”
“B-But, it hasn’t.” Syd and I were long-distance, which is what almost ended us until he made time for me. He’s rich, he doesn’t need to work, he does it to fill his time and because he likes it. He took a huge step back and moved to Kelowna to be closer to me during the season, which was so fucking sweet. That’s how we rekindled things.
Last off-season, Syd and I weren’t that serious, but this off-season, well, I guess engaged is serious. I didn’t think this through. It’s not that I don’t know there’s etiquette to this kind of thing, but Stacey’s always been in a box, he’s outside of the regular rules. I thought I was for him too.
“We haven’t been together in person since Christmas, which was well before you were engaged. I didn’t think it was something that had to be said. I just assumed that we’d naturally drift to, uh, a more appropriate friendship.”
“More appropriate? We’re totally appropriate. It’s the way we all are. I’m like this with Dirk, too, and Casey and Jack.” Well, not so much Jack anymore since Merc. And I guess I’ll have to tone down the cuddle sessions with Casey now that I’ll have Sutter around to growl at me.
Oh.
Oh, I get it.
Our thing kind of ends as we pair up. Dirk doesn’t have a pair yet. I’m the one being paired off.
“Okay, maybe we’re more than what’s considered comfortable to some, but that’s us because of all that’s happened. Our future partners can understand it or hit the dirt, remember?”
He’s still running fingers through my hair. “Yeah, I remember what we said, but we were a lot younger. I don’t thinkwe need to hold ourselves to ideas we had before we knew much about life.”
“But—”
“Dashie?”
“Yeah?”
“If I were Syd, and I found you lying like this with your friend—innocent though it might be—I’d drop his ass somewhere in the Amazon and then I’d proceed to show you where you fucking belong. You wouldn’t ever be in another man’s arms again, that’s for fucking sure.”
A body-wide shiver sweeps through me. Good Lord. Has Stacey always been like this?
I grip him tightly. Hot as that was, I know it also means that he’s saying something else.
“Is this goodbye?”
“What? Never. We just have to change things a little bit. I’m always gonna be here for you, Dash Nolan.”
That doesn’t bring the comfort it usually does. It leaves a hollow dark stain that spreads through my veins. I’m gonna puke again, and it’s not the hangover this time. Sure, we’ve always been best friends, but there was a little something special about us that I could never name.
It’s that something extra he’s saying has to go.
Fuck. I don’t wanna cry. That’s so not fair. He’s only saying what needs to be said. He’s only doing what I should have been the one to do. But I’m so damn selfish. I wanted my cake and to eat it too.
I keep my eyes closed, pretending hangover, which is not that much of a stretch since I’m hungover as fuck. It’s just, it’s not the hangover that’s choking me up.
“We can talk more another time,” he says. Or never. “Go back to sleep, Dashie. I’m not going anywhere till I’m sure you’re okayand you’ll need to be in top form for all the appointments we have today.”
Appointments? Shit. Dammit. I forgot about those. I lined up everything for today as a solution to the time crunch, getting as much as I could planned before the hockey season starts. Me planning this during the season would be a hopeless cause. My and Syd’s compromise was that he travels with my hockey schedule, but he gets to do more of the work he loves in the off-season, so this is on me.
I wanted to show him that I could take care of everything. Just because I’m not a very good adult, doesn’t mean I can’t get shit done. And I can learn. I’m hellbent on learning. Syd’s so mature, and yeah, I guess that comes with age, but it’s also something I should get on top of if I’m gonna be his husband.
“I should get in the bath.”
“Maybe, but you’re not going to,” Stacey says. “You’re going back to sleep. I’ll make sure you’re up in plenty of time to get ready.”
