Page 6 of Friendzone Hockey
Next time.Next time, I’ll sit at the bar. But fuck, how am I supposed to show my dad I’ve moved past everything enough to work here if I can’t even sit at the damn bar?
All I brought was my phone to pass the time. Maybe that says how much faith I have in myself doing this. Fuck. Maybe Ishouldn’t have done this. Feathers of panic are already fanning the flames in my chest.
Stacey’s not even here yet. Do I have the right day?
Smack!
No, wait. There he is. Did he just walk into a wall?
Chapter
One
THEN
July
Stacey
Iclose my eyes and lay a hand on the wall, as if that was where I could find her pulse. Breathing in phantom scents of honey and cherry blossoms, a memory rushes past my senses, Mom reading, curled up in her favorite position on the bed. Like always.
“Which one are you?”
“Stacey.”
“Are you looking after your brother?”
“Yeah, Mama.”
“What’s his name again?”
“Casey. He’s my twin.”
“I knew that. I feel like I knew that.” She touched her nose.
“I know, Mama. Keep reading, okay? I’ve got everything under control.”
I open my eyes. She’s not there. Just all her stuff. It shouldn’t be here either, but for the life of me, I can’t bring myself to get rid of it.
You haven’t handled shit, Stacey.
Yeah, I know.
But I keep thinking that if I leave it all, that if I don’t move a thing, don’t touch a thing, I could open the door to this room and she’d be there like she always was. She’d be reading, and I’d bring her tea and cookies. I’d lay a hand on her cream skin, and she’d reach for my fingers and squeeze them.
When she forgot things, I used to think it was the worst thing. My mind would imagine all the other things she might forget. Would she stop knowing who I was? Would she even remember her name? Would she forget everything that made her my mom?
“I’m sorry,” she’d say. “I’m going to get better. I’ll get better soon.”
No, she wouldn’t.
“Of course you will, Mama.”
“Look after things for me until then, won’t you?”
“I will, Mama.”
“Good.” Her serene smile burst with triumph.
