Page 157 of Friendzone Hockey
“Taking care of someone isn’t just a thing I like to do, it’s a need of mine. It’s always been there, even before Mom died. Iliked to look after her too. A lot of people don’t like being looked after the way I wanna look after you. Allowing me to do so as thoroughly as I need to is a fucking honor.”
Tears well in his bottom lids. “Really?”
“Yep. A need, Dashie. I need it. So it’s utter bullshit that you need me more than I need you. I need you at least as much.”
“I don’t know about that. I need you in order to function, Stace,” he whispers as if he’s afraid to admit it. “Like, it’s not as if I can’t get by without you. Clearly, I can. But it’s this odd form of slowly withering as if you own half of my life force and the only way to feel whole is to be near you long enough to regenerate.”
I get a flash of his face near Christmastime during our video call. He was like death warmed over.
“It’s the same for me, Dashie. The same feeling. I was withering without you.”
“Isn’t that bad? To rely on someone for continued existence. Even you’ve said it’s bad.”
“I did think it was, but I was working off someone else’s paradigm.”
“You said you didn’t do that.”
“Can I claim temporary insanity?”
He shakes his head, smiling. Fuck, he’s adorable.
“I believed, for a second?—”
“For too long,” he interjects.
“For too long,” I agree. “That loving you so much was wrong. But I don’t regret my actions—all of my actions,” I amend, when I get a glare that could melt a hockey puck. “Waiting was the right thing to do given the circumstances. As hard as it was, I’m glad you got the opportunity to find yourself separate from me, and to date other people.”
“I’d believe that last part a little more if your fingers weren’t digging a hole through my arm.”
“What? Oh.” I maaaay have been gripping him a little tighter. “Basically, I’m begging for mercy. I’ve never met a soulmate before. I had no idea that this is what it was supposed to feel like.”
“You fucker. How did you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Turn a conversation that was supposed to be about my lack, into one where you’re begging for my forgiveness, plus being super romantic and shit?”
Is that what happened? I honestly don’t know. What I said is how I feel. “I guess while you’re over there feeling unworthy of me, I’m over here feeling unworthy of you.”
He laughs. “Oh god, we’re a pair.” He rests his head in the crook of my shoulder. “I don’t know if I’ll ever feel worthy of a man like you, but I’m selfish enough never to let you go. You’re fucking stuck with me, Alderchuck.”
“That’s what this means,” I tell him, holding up his ring hand. “Mine forever.”
Chapter
Twenty-Nine
NOW
Dash
It’s been a week of bliss. Utter fucking bliss. That conversation we had succeeded in getting me through a whole week. Fucking Stacey Alderchuck, the romantic. I know he’s amazing, never doubted that, but experiencing the romantic side of him is new.
“Has Sutter ever taken you on a date?” I ask Casey. He and Jack made themselves comfortable at my bar top an hour ago. Stacey had to ask my dad something about the Robin situation, and I told him I was more than happy to have nothing to do with that. It was the truth, but also a little bit of a test. Would he call me on it like he used to? Or would he happily be my mercenary angel?
With the swagger he walked outta here with, I’d say mercenary angel. He legit looked like he was off to fight a war for me. I wanted to drag him back and jump his bones. Fuck. Later. I get to do that later.
And forever.
