Page 19 of Asher's Answer
“I had no idea, Ash. I would have warned you if I did.”
“I know,” I answer. “And I know that it doesn’t change anything; him knowing about me being…”
“Little?”
I think we both know I was going to say something derogatory. But I nod. “I just…I panicked and then I couldn’t stop panicking and now I’ve humiliated myself and ruined your get-together with your friends-”
As usual, Charlie’s got me in his lap midway through my freakout. He’s rocking me gently and pressing kisses to the top of my head and I’m struck by the thought that I’m not just falling for this man, I’m actually in love with him. What a great time to have that revelation.
Well done, Scanlon. Idiot.
“You haven’t ruined a damn thing, little lamb,” he’s gentle and reassuring. “They all understand.”
I shake my head. “You can do so much better than a broken little prone to stupid panic attacks.”
“Hey, stop it.” The gentleness is gone from his tone. This is one hundred percent Daddy admonishment. He manhandles me in his lap, turning me and forcing my chin upwards. “Look at me, Asher.”
I do as he asks because I can’t ignore that tone.
His blue eyes are soft and full of emotions that I’m too afraid to put a name to. “Baby, you’re not broken. And panic attacks happen to everyone.” When I scoff, he frowns. “Do you know how many cops have PTSD or other anxiety disorders? Or marines, or fire-fighters, or any other first responders or members of the armed forces?” I swallow and shake my head. Charlie keeps talking. “Or any career, really. Anxiety isn’t limited to any one kind of person, and it doesn’t mean you’re broken if you’re struggling with it.” He presses his forehead to mine. “But if you genuinely feel this way, I want to help you. I think…I think maybe you should talk to someone. A professional.”
I want to argue that I don’t need therapy, but when I open my mouth to do that, the words die on my tongue. With my panic receding, I go back over the situation downstairs and conclude that there was no real reason to react like I did. My issues are in my head and pushing them down or pretending they don’t exist isn’t going to make them go away.
“Okay,” I agree quietly, much to Charlie’s surprise. “I think you’re right.”
When he finally coaxes me back downstairs, I’m tense with embarrassment but nobody treats me any differently. I still apologize to the table for my freakout, but everyone scrambles to shut the attempt down quickly. I eventually relax back into conversation, quietly thanking Emma for her diversion, and she shrugs and says she likes to dip into her little headspace at random anyway. I can relate to that, and it helps me relax a bit more.
As the evening starts to end and people start leaving, I note that Ted’s hanging around and resign myself to having to talk to him after all. I’ve avoided him for the afternoon, but I also know that he’s my Daddy’s best friend and not talking to him isn’t going to help anything.
While Charlie talks to Spencer about arranging a playdate for me and Emma -who has slipped back into her little headspace quite happily and is swinging Spencer’s hand between them while sucking her thumb- Ted pulls me aside.
“I really am sorry for earlier, Ash,” he says, and I blink at him.
Objectively, he’s a handsome man. His brown hair is on its way to gray, and he fits the whole ‘silver fox’ ideal well. He’s not as well built as Charlie or Josh, but he’s still tall and broad shouldered with a toned stomach and a butt that looks pretty damn good in those jeans of his. Not that I was looking, of course. His eyes are brown, more amber than Josh’s darker brown orbs, and warm as he looks at me. It settles any of my remaining nerves.
“Why are you sorry? I’m the one who lost it and made a scene.”
Ted shakes his head. “Without any warning, your boss wandered into a gathering where you were supposed to feel safe and relaxed. In your place, I’d have felt apprehensive as well.” He reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. “But in some ways, this is a good thing. If you’re ever in need of a safe space at work for any reason, come to my office. I can get you comfortable and call Charlie.”
I can’t help but well up with affection for him because it’s such a thoughtful offer. I doubt I’ll ever take him up on it, but just knowing that he’d do that for Charlie’s sake tells me he’s a good guy. “Thank you,” I say, because there’s not much else I can. “I appreciate that.”
Then he goes to hug Charlie goodbye and, once he’s gone, it’s just the two of us left and I slip into my little headspace a lot quicker than usual. Daddy seems to understand.
“It’s been a big day, huh, little lamb?” he asks, holding my hand as we climb the stairs.
“Yup,” I agree, the stress and panic melting away the deeper I sink into my little space.
“How does an early bath sound?”
I practically bounce on the balls of my feet. “Bath time!” I love bath time. There’s something super relaxing about the combination of warm water and bubbles. Plus the splashing! Splashing makes everything better.
“Okay, bud, go potty and I’ll get the water running.”
I walk over to the toilet, not even blinking at the fact that Daddy’s still in the bathroom, and then frown down at my jeans. Suddenly, the button and zip seem like a lot of work. Biting my lip, I squirm.
“Ash, you okay?”
I don’t even hesitate. “Help?”
