Page 30 of Loving the Legend
“You get that from me and your dad. The Washington men are notorious charmers.”
We both laugh.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“You can ask me anything, you know that.”
I clear my throat. “How’d you know you were gay?”
I think the question catches him by surprise because he's silent for a few beats.
“It’s a long story, but I found out in my early twenties. Believe it or not, I was set to marry a woman. I knew it wasn’t a right match all along, but for some idiotic reason, I proposed. Well, I’m not being fair. My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum and said she wouldn’t keep being strung along. I didn’t want to lose the friendship, so I proposed. I was miserable about it. Your dad pulled me aside a month before the wedding and asked me what I was doing. He said anyone with the gift of sight could tell I wasn’t interested in being married to her. I told him I felt nothing other than platonic feelings toward women. He point-blank asked me if I was gay. I swear the question set off all sorts of lights in my brain. It’s like I knew the answer the second he asked the question.
"I asked him, 'How can I be if I’ve never been with a man?'
“'Do you think there’s a virgin alive today who could be straight?' he asked.
"I said, 'Of course.'
“'Dummy, you’re a virgin when it comes to men. That doesn’t mean you can’t be gay,' he replied.
“I asked him if he thought differently of me.
“‘You being gay makes more sense to me than you marrying your girlfriend.’ He told me who I love could never change theway he feels about me, and if anyone gave me flack, to tell them his big bro would kick their butts.”
“He was always protective of you.”
“He always had my back.” He clears the scratch out of his voice. “I felt like the luckiest son of a bitch having him as my big brother. I still do.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. I felt the same way.”
“You and your mom were his world. He was crazy about you.”
It’s nice to hear, but it hurts. “You’re killing me.”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to think for a second that you aren’t loved. Now, why did you ask me about being gay?”
I almost sayno reason,but I have a sneaking suspicion that if I don’t tell Adam, I’ll never tell anyone.
“I’ve been curious...”
“Curious?”
“Yeah, about what it would be like to be with a man.”
“Ah! Would this have something to do with The Wonder Kid?”
“Maybe.”
Adam’s silent on the other end.
“Okay, fine, it’s more than a maybe,” I blurt out, making him chuckle. “It doesn’t make sense. Sometimes our gazes lock, and it's so intense that my brain times out. We both like reading, and he seems endlessly curious, which is so attractive, and talking to him is the easiest thing in the world.” I think about how mentioningThe Count of Monte Cristoduring the interview encouraged him to look into it. It’s something I would do. “Then there’s the physical attraction…fuck. It’s like my body can’t control itself when he’s around. He looks at me like I’m this fascinating person that he wants to take apart and study.”
Feeling dizzy from pacing around, I sit on the edge of the bed and rest my head in my hands.
“That definitely sounds like a lot more than amaybe, kid.”
I release an exasperated sigh. “But, he’s seeing this gorgeous actress who he claims it’s just casual with. She popped up out of the blue last night, and they were all over each other. So, there’s a very real chance it could all be one-sided. I’m not sure.”
