Page 173 of Loving the Legend
“Maybe watch your man around this one,” Tevin says, nodding to Malik. “While we’re sharing shit, confessing, and whatnot, I kinda have something I need to get off of my chest.”
I nod. “The floor is yours.”
“I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression for years. I’ve kept it on the low, but hearing Arnaz talk about depression andsuicide made me wonder how many more of us struggle. You know?” he says, scratching his arm.
Idris, Kaleb, and Malik nod, but they’re speechless.
“Thanks for sharing that with us. I suffer from depression too. Ever since my parents…It gets really bad sometimes. Sid and Adam encouraged me to try therapy. It helps,” I say.
Tevin meets my gaze. “Word? I didn’t know. I see a therapist too. I’m on Lexapro.”
“My mom suffers from clinical depression. She has for as long as I can remember,” Malik says.
“Yeah? What was that like growing up?” I ask.
“Rough,” he says, shifting in his chair. “She withdrew a lot…always exhausted…sad. She was diagnosed with clinical depression after I joined the league, but it was there all of my life.”
I shake my head. “I can’t imagine what that was like. It must have been really difficult.”
“Thanks, man. Yeah, to this day, we don’t really talk about it. She’s a closed book.”
“My parents are closed books too. It’s something about that generation. They’ve learned to suffer in silence,” Kaleb says.
“Real talk,” Idris chimes in.
“I know we don’t always know how to talk to each other about this stuff. It’s taken me years to finally go to therapy. I’m here, though, if you ever need to get shit off your chest,” I offer.
“Me too,” Kaleb says.
“Me too. What’s therapy like?” Idris asks.
I look to Tevin to answer, but he nods for me to respond.
“Well, I guess it’s different for everyone. I’m relatively new at it. Despite my best intentions, it can be painful to face hard truths and shit. It feels alright, though, in the end. For what it's worth, the way therapy is depicted on TV is trash. Y’know thecold therapist who just nods at whatever the person is saying for an hour? That’s garbage."
“Word? Glad you said that. It looks hella whack on TV,” Idris replies.
“You don’t have to be depressed to seek therapy. We all have shit to work through. Know what I mean? It doesn’t hurt to have a confidential and qualified ear. It’s like a slow-release vitamin. Over time, you realize it’s working because that thing that used to fuck you up doesn’t anymore. And when new things fuck you up, there’s someone to help you avoid falling off the deep end. It won't solve all your problems, but it helps,” Tevin adds.
“That’s real,” I say, reaching for a slice of pizza now that my stomach is finally chill. My phone vibrates. I take a quick bite before digging it out of my pocket.
My love: You good?
Me: Yep. Pretty sure Malik has a thing for you. Your side?
My love: He has good taste. Just left Arnaz’s. You were right. I’ll fill you in when you get home.
Me: Can’t wait. Should be done here soon. Love you.
My love: Love you too
The guysand I talk for another hour before we all head out. I’m grinning from cheek to cheek when I pull out of the drivewayto make my way home. Coming out to them went way better than I imagined.
CHAPTER THIRTY
MONTHS LATER
How is it that we run out of ice or beer every time we host? I squeeze into one of the last remaining parking spots and climb out of the car. I’ve been gone less than thirty minutes, yet the cars in our garage have doubled from when I left.
