Page 155 of Loving the Legend
I’m a basketball player, and I’m gay.
Unless closeted, you can’t possibly understand the toll it takes to deny who you are because it isn't safe to be out. I’ve suffered from chronic depression and suicidal ideation since I was a teenager. I’ve always known that I was gay, but I learned quickly that if I wanted to pursue my dream of playing basketball, I’d have to hide that part of myself until I’m close to retiring from the league.
Sid King is right.
If you’re a player in the league, you hear homophobic stuff often, and it has to stop. It’s not okay. It’s unwelcome behavior that leads to mental distress and humiliation, which no one should have to endure, especially in a professional environment.
Today, I pledge my support in helping to make the league a safer place for all people, especially for my LGBTQIA family.
Sid, thank you for your bravery in standing up for those of us who are too terrified to stand up for ourselves. By fighting to create a safe space using your voice and platform, you inspired me to speak my truth. It means a lot knowing that I’ll still have you as a friend after this is published. Thank you for your allyship and advocacy.
To those of my teammates who I’ve witnessed stand by Sid over the last few weeks, thank you! Your support has inadvertently helped me with my decision to come out.
I made the personal decision to come out based on my needs. I’ve seen the media question people’s sexuality over the last few weeks. I urge them to STOP! Sexual identity is private. People are not required to come out. It is a complex personal decision that comes down to a myriad of factors, including self-identity, sense of safety, and personal needs.
Respect that.
Lastly, I have never been more committed to playing basketball and supporting my teammates. I hope to continue playing basketball for many years.
Go Royals!”
Wow.I re-read the essay again, stunned.
Arnaz is gay.
Arnaz is gay, and he just came out.
And Sid’s actions directly inspired him.
Whoa.
My thumb hovers over Sid’s number in my phone. I’m dying to know what he thinks. Wait—what if he knew all this time? Did he lie to me when I asked him if Arnaz was straight? Does he really not know that Arnaz has a thing for him?
My phone vibrates again. This time, it’s Malik calling. I toss the phone across the table and bury my head in my hands. Fuck, I'm exhausted. I turn off the lights and head to the shower. I stand under the hot water for a few minutes, lost in thought. Arnaz coming out feels enormous, but a part of me wishes it didn’t. I wish I lived during a time when it wasn’t such a bigdeal. After crawling into bed, I pull up Arnaz’s essay and re-read it. The essay has over 5,000 comments. I take a deep breath and read through the top-liked ones. Most are positive, congratulating Arnaz on living his truth. Some are from religious folks saying that they will pray for his soul to be saved. There are blatantly hateful ones that make my stomach turn. I click out of the essay and see the missed calls from earlier. I hit Kaleb back. He picks up on the third ring.
“Yo!”
“Wassup,” I reply.
“Yo, you saw Arnaz’s post?”
“Yup, wow, eh?” I huff out a breath.
“Right? Wowzers! I’m happy for him.”
I hear a kid crying in the background.
“Your house always sounds like a playground.”
“Yeah, it’s a f-u-c-k-i-n-g zoo.” He sighs. “Why do you think I’m the first to turn in when we’re on the road? Peace!”
I chuckle. “Still spelling out swear words when the kids are around?”
“Yeah, I’m too cheap to put money in a swear jar.”
“I’m not sure that’s how that works. Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you. You meant all that stuff you said to Vlad the other day, you know, as an ally?”
“Yep, every bit of it. Why? Someone giving you shit?” he asks, sounding like he’s ready to go to war for me.
