Page 154 of Loving the Legend
“So, in summary, no saying homophobic shit on our team. Work on being a better ally,” Idris piped up in his veteran no-bullshit voice.
“Listen, love is love and all of that, but in my religion, being gay is a sin,” Ronen, our center, who is more of a benchwarmer, piped in.
“Ro, no one asked you to change your religion. But at the same time, don’t ask me to change my beliefs. I don’t believe that being gay is a sin. Therefore, we have to respect that we have different beliefs. For the record, you’re a professional athlete. Not saying offensive shit is expected of all of us,” Idris fired back.
“Word!” Tevin added.
“Like my mama used to say, if you don’t have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck up. I’m paraphrasing, obviously. She’d threaten to wash my mouth with soap if she heard me swearing,” Malik chimed in, grinning.
I took one thing away from that conversation. If I ever decided to come out, I’d start with Kaleb, Idris, Tev, and Malik.
During my first post-game press conference after Sid spoke out, a reporter asked me what I thought of his remarks. I wasn’t surprised by the question, but it was loaded. If I declared my support for him, I risked the media looking at our friendship in a different light. Even when we were out together at events, we always maintained distance. Still, all it takes is one heated glance between us captured on video for there to be speculation. No matter how careful we’ve been, in the back of my mind, there’s always the fear that we weren’t as careful as we thought. But if I didn’t declare my support for him and speak from the heart, then I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself. He’s standing up for what’s right, and so many of us will benefit from it.
I lifted my chin and leaned into the mic. “I’m deeply moved by Sid’s bravery and support his efforts. I’ve witnessed the ignorance that he mentioned, and it's messed up. I stand with the LGBTQIA community. Fighting for progress and equality is important to me. It’s up to every generation to fight for progress, so we’re handing the next generation a world better than we had. Sid's been doing that for years. I got his back and will do my part.”
As for the man himself, he’s demonstrated nerves of steel. He’s used the momentum to announce partnerships with non-profits focused on LGBTQIA suicide prevention. His first post-game conference after his suspension had over a million views in a couple of hours. As soon as my hotel door closed, I pulled up the clip. My heart ached to see him for the first time since our fight. He looked strong and serious—more serious than I’ve seen him up there. When asked his thoughts regarding the online backlash at his comments, he responded:
“Honestly, I couldn’t care less about the opinion of homophobes. I’ve heard it all my entire life. Bigots call gay people crazy, sinful, blah blah, which creates a stigma. I don’t believe any of that. It’s garbage. Gay people are people like everyone else. I’m not interested in taking on the mental and emotional labor of trying to change people’s beliefs. My time and energy are better used advocating within the league for protections that will help foster a safe space for all players. I understand that some people will have a problem with that. That’s honestly their problem. Burn my jerseys, and post your hateful comments online. I will still be here tomorrow, fighting to make this world more equitable. And when my career is over, I’ll still be here fighting bigotry.”
“Actually, your jerseys are sold out in most places and are being resold for 5x online. Why do you think that is?” the reporter replied.
Sid nodded. “Well, there are good people in the world who believe what I believe. They also want people who identify as LGBTQIA to be able to live their full and authentic lives. They’ve seen the rates of suicide, depression, and violence the community faces. Maybe they’re part of the community or know someone who is. The hate is loud online and can distort reality, but the world isn’t what we see on social media. There are communities in the real world with people who share my valuesand beliefs. We’re out there. I recently posted online resources for people looking to engage and find support.”
“Sid, over here, Ren fromSports Daily. Do you think the league has done enough to make it safe for LGBTQIA players? Do you think homophobic bullying is endemic in the league?”
“I think the league is trying to increase its efforts, but there’s always room for improvement, not just in basketball but all sports. There should be a baseline of decorum that’s enforced. As a professional player in any sport, if you make offensive comments, whether it be racist, sexist, or homophobic, you should be suspended and fined. And if you’re a repeat offender, you should face tougher penalties. People should be able to show up and do their jobs without encountering slurs of any kind. Some of us are parents and relatives of people who identify as LGBTQIA. Some of our fans are part of the community, and we wouldn’t have a league without fans. At the end of the day, people will be people, so we look to the league to enforce a healthy culture.”
Since Sid’s initial comments, the league made a public statement that they are committed to ensuring everyone feels safe. The players union reached out to Sid to understand his ideas for improvement and devise a list of recommendations to present to the NBA Board of Governors, the management body overseeing the league’s operations. The union will also run a survey to collect feedback from other players since there’s strength in numbers. I told our team’s GM that I was happy to meet with the union to lend my support. I also tapped my teammates.
Then, a reporter asked him, “Much has been written about your rivalry and friendship with Ty Washington. Ratings skyrocket whenever your teams face off. You received support across the league, but what did it mean for you to receive his support in particular?”
Sid’s face remained neutral when he replied, “I’m honored by his words and support. He’s a consummate professional. He may be ferocious on the court, but off, he’s one of the kindest and most honest guys you’d ever meet. I consider myself lucky to know him and call him a friend.”
My shoulders slumped. His words are nice, tidy even, but his tone couldn’t have been flatter. I spent way too many hours that night overthinking his response. I mean, I know the score with us, and maybe he was trying to protect me by putting up a canned response. But a part of me wished he gave something—anything—to give me a sense of where we stand.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Today’s session with Jaden left me wrung out. I’m at home spread out across the couch like fresh roadkill. My stomach is stuffed to the hilt after crushing a Big Mek burger and strawberry milkshake. Jaden said I should reward myself for all of the hard work. Something about balancing painful emotions with more uplifting ones helps with processing grief. I was instructed to choose a reward I wouldn’t usually allow myself. I immediately thought of the burger Tev had told me about and placed an order for delivery as soon as I got home. It was hands down the best burger I’ve ever had. Nothing’s better than Adam’s cooking, but the burger definitely makes the top five.
We spent most of today’s therapy session revisiting the events leading up to my parent’s deaths. Jaden explained that revisiting helps me process their deaths emotionally so that I can feel connected with them more healthily. It’s also supposed to help dull the intense feelings that come up. As I retold the story in painstaking detail, Jaden stopped me periodically to assess the intensity of emotions I felt on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the most intense or painful. The first time we did the exercise, it was tens all of the way. I rewarded myself after thatsession by skipping my usual late-night practice and watching an action movie.
Today, the intensity level dropped to an eight and a half, which is progress, I guess. Jaden kept reminding me that facing painful experiences gives us a chance to process them. When I asked him what that meant, he said that in my case, it gives me the opportunity to face and accept what happened, however unwanted, so that I can find a way to live with it.
Sometimes, it’s too much to wrap my head around, but I refuse to quit. I need to do this for myself. I need to do this if I have any chance of a future with Sid. Some days, I leave the weight of my sessions with Jaden to give myself a break and be able to focus on practice and on the court. It’s the only way I can keep going back week after week.
I pause the movie that I’m watching when my phone vibrates. Flipping it over, I see it's Kaleb calling, and I send it to voicemail. Then it vibrates again. This time, it’s Idris calling. That’s odd. We text more than we talk on the phone. I let it go to voicemail. A minute later, I get a text from Tevin with a link. My pulse immediately kicks up. This can’t be good.
I click on the link, and an article pops up.
“To Be A Gay Player in The NBA” by Arnaz Cade.
Oh shit!
I jolt upright and expand the page to read the full article.
“Over the last few weeks, there’s been a lot of talk about what it’s like to be a gay basketball player in the NBA. Specifically, whether or not it’s safe to be out in the league. There are some people even questioning whether gay people belong in the league at all. As if being gay in any way correlates with a person’s ability to play basketball. Ability is really the only thing that should matter. Do you have the talent, discipline, and hunger to compete at a high level? Can you learn from your failures and use them to strengthen yourgame? Can you put aside your ego and show up for your team night after night, season after season? Can you show respect to your teammates, coaches, and fans, even the ones with different beliefs and backgrounds?
As I reflect on my journey as a basketball player, I’m proud of my career so far. I’ve played 571 games, and I’ve tallied 13,892 career points. I’ve torn my ACL, sprained my ankle twice, and healed from several contusions and a shoulder injury. I’ve put everything into my career while hiding an important part of my identity.
