Page 153 of Loving the Legend
“…to interrupt. I heard yelling and wanted to check that you’re both good.”
His concerned gaze pings between us as I reach the bottom of the landing.
“Thanks. We’re good,” Sid says, quickly wiping his eyes.
Jett scans the room and he nods.
“Oh, sir, I was going to hit the wine shop on my way home. What’s the name of the wine you gifted me last year?”
This is a coded question that Jett taught us in the event there’s ever a home invasion, and we need to signal for help.
“Sancerre,” Sid confirms, which is code for we’re okay.
“Yes, that’s the one,” he replies before he glances between us and then leaves.
I gaze at Sid’s back and will myself to brush past him. Every step feels impossible. Hand on the doorknob, I pause. “I’ll be in Topanga.”
I can’t turn around to face him. If I do, I’ll never make it past the threshold.
“Don’t leave, Ty.” His voice is hauntingly sad.
I didn’t think leaving would hurt this much, but I need space to fix this.
He’s right. I need to start ridding us of my ghosts.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
It’s been three weeks since the night of our fight. I tossed and turned for nights after, replaying everything we said to each other. What messed me up the most was Sid’s assumption that I would be angry at him for speaking out. Well, that and his claim that Arnaz is the only one who has his back. It’s clear I haven’t done the best job of showing him how important he is to me. I regret threatening to step out. It was stupid, and even more, it was an empty threat. I miss him and our home, but being back in my house in Topanga feels right for now. I need space to think so that I can fix this. One thing I realized pretty quickly after I left is that I can’t fix everything alone. I need help. So, I returned to therapy with Jaden for two sessions a week. In some sessions, we focus on my separation from Sid. Others focus on my grief. When I revealed to Jaden that Sid was my partner, I was relieved that he didn’t make a big deal out of it.
Sid’s comments at the press conference are all anyone talks about in the league. Most of the public celebrated his speaking out. There was a backlash from online personalities and ignorant fans who claimed he was trying to corrupt the league by advocating for gay players. Sid’s sexuality has alsobeen questioned on a few gossip sites, piquing my anxiety. Within the league, the response has been mixed. While a good number of players vocalized their support for his efforts, Sid was approached sporadically by players who told him to his face that they don’t think gay people belong in the league. Of course, the players wouldn’t ever admit to being homophobic in public. Sid fired back that he didn’t think homophobic fucks belonged in the league either, so it’s a good thing players aren’t in charge of draft selections. This was reported to me by Lily, who calls every day to check in. Without being asked, she updates me on how he’s doing. And I’m pretty sure she shares updates with him about me. I’ll never admit it, but I look forward to her calls every night. After convincing her that I wasn’t spiraling into depression, she admitted that Sid's been in rough shape since our fight. He regrets things that he said and worries that he lost me. I hate to think of him hurting. It's all made me double down on my work with Jaden.
I overheard some teammates discussing Sid’s comments in the locker room. Vlad, a recent transfer from Milwaukee, wondered about Sid’s motives and if he was just pretending to be an ally for publicity. He also didn’t get why gay people needed to come out.
I unclenched my jaw to respond, but Kaleb beat me to it.
“Yo, you can’t be serious with that question. Has anyone ever assumed that you’re gay when they met you for the first time?”
Vlad shook his head. “So what?”
“Alright then. People assume you’re straight. You never have to clarify. That’s a privilege you have if you’re a straight dude. Gay people don’t have that. They constantly have to clarify when people, like, misidentify them. That’s part of what coming out is. People will assume you have a wife when maybe you have a husband. Coming out shouldn’t be a big deal, but mofos are still homophobic.”
His response stunned me. Later that night, when I thought about the entire exchange, it hit me that I’ve never heard homophobic banter from him.
“Fine, but I don’t need to know if someone likes it up the ass,” Vlad replied.
“Bro, what the fuck? That’s homophobic.”
Vlad scoffed. “How?”
Oh, I don't know, fuck face, maybe because you're reducing an emotional, erotic, and romantic identity to a singular sexual act?
“How?" Kaleb squints at Vlad. "Because it's bullshit. That's like me saying I don't want to know if you're straight because it means you eat pussy. Also, not every gay person fucks with anal, and stop fronting like straight people don’t do that shit too.”
Yes, Kaleb!
I pulled my jaw off of the floor to jump into the conversation. “Also, Sid’s not doing this for attention. That’s got to be one of the dumbest fucking things I’ve ever heard. I know that this matters to him. Next, you’re going to say that you don’t want a gay teammate checking you out in a locker room. It’s certifiably ignorant to think that just ’cause someone’s gay, it means that they want you just because you’re a man. Human attraction is complex. ”
“Exactly," Kaleb says, patting my shoulder. Then he smiled at me in a way that left me wondering if he knew about me or me and Sid. How could he, though?
