Page 145 of Loving the Legend
“Is he straight?”
“I haven’t heard otherwise.” He squints at me. “Why?”
“I thought that maybe, uh, he might be, actually, never mind.”
I decide to let it go. I don’t want to be a toxic partner who’s jealous of their spouse’s relationship with their friends. I’ve grown close to Idris, Kaleb, Tevin, and Malik, and Sid’s never questioned it.
“Our song! Is this a playlist?” I ask as the song changes. I recall a night earlier in our relationship when we sang the Frank Ocean lyrics to each other off-key.
He nods.
I pull my shirt and joggers off and crawl on top of him as he opens his arms and legs for me. Lying back against his chest, I settle into watching two hummingbirds flutter nearby.
“In the mood for sex?” I ask, intertwining my fingers with his.
“Maybe later. I have a headache…probably from the sun. I’m going to head in and take a nap,” he says, pulling his hand away.
“Need anything?” I ask, sitting up.
“I’m good. Thanks.” He offers a tight smile as he departs.
Watching him retreat, I'm not sure how much more of this distance I can take. How many more nights can I sleep next to him, our backs turned and not touching?
I think of Phil and his dying dog, and I remember Jaden once said that grief is part of being alive, and in some ways, we grieve all of the time. We turn on the news and feel grief, even if we don’t know the man or child gunned down. He warned that grief shouldn't feel like all there is to life.
But what about relationships?
I grieve what Sid and I once were.
What keeps me going are memories of happier times and the too-fleeting moments of our souls grazing through an unguarded smile or touch. I’m not sure that’s enough anymore.I sense the specter of a sickness settling into the bones of our relationship.
Maybe grief shouldn’t be all there is to life, but I learned early that life is littered with things that shouldn’t have happened but happened anyway.
Perhaps my losing Sid is no exception.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Iemerge from the locker room shower, feeling victorious after beating the Choppers. I scored twenty-three points. It’s not as much as last season, but a trend in the right direction. It’s our first game at home since we beat the Royals.
“What’s up?” I ask the guys huddled around Tevin’s phone. I towel off quickly and throw on briefs and a T-shirt.
“Yo, Sid lost it on Lucas. Check it out,” Tevin says, handing me the phone.
My Sid?I steady my hands and hit play on the video.
Sid’s backing down Lucas, who’s defending him. Lucas is playing his usual brand of infuriating defense, pushing in hard, hands flailing in Sid’s face while his mouth moves a mile a minute. I zero in on Sid—outside of a tight jaw, he seems chill. I let out a ragged breath. I need my body to chill the fuck out. My stomach flips like it's competing for an Olympic gold medal.
One second, they’re ballin’, and the next, they’re squaring up. Lucas pushes Sid, who absorbs the force like a brick wall. More words are exchanged, and then Sid turns away. Lucas is still fired up, mouthing off, despite Sid’s turned back. All of a sudden, Sid halts. His entire body goes rigid. That’s not good. My breath catches in my throat as Sid balls up his fist.
Oh no!
He spins and decks Lucas hard.
Lucas’s legs buckle from the force of the blow. Luckily, a teammate grabs him, breaking his fall. He looks stunned for a few seconds, but then he’s right back to hurl what I imagine are curse words at Sid, who’s now being held back by four teammates.
Whoa! Sid’s the most controlled person that I know. What the hell did Lucas say to cause him to go off? They’re both separated as the referees confer at the scorers' table. A flagrant 2 foul is called against Sid, immediately ejecting him from the game, which means he’ll most likely be fined. The first time in his career. What the hell has gotten into him? Lucas is one of the most annoying players in the league, but we let his childish tactics roll off our backs.
“Crazy. That’s not like him,” I mumble, handing the phone back to Tevin. I throw on my clothes and race out, calling Sid as soon as my car door closes, but it rings out.
