Page 22 of Elas

Patient files aren’t the only source of chaos. Flyers and pamphlets are scattered around, advertising different walk-in clinics and community events that happened years ago. Others are warnings about viruses, including one for a strain of flu that mutated until it’s contagious to their kind. Behind a shelf, I find another stack of flyers that had been distributed in the large cities, urging anyone with glowing skin to report to the nearest military medical facility.

That one was wild.

There’s simply no fixing what’s here, so I’ve started from scratch. I’ve disassembled the entire thing, and now I stand among mountains of paperwork and a room of empty shelves. “Well, you wanted to be helpful,” I mutter to myself as I plant my hands on my hips, “and you got your wish.”

“Talking to yourself?” An amused voice from behind me causes me to startle, but I shake my head with a rueful grin as I turn to face Xeni.

“Some thoughts are so chaotic they need to be purged from your brain in order for them to make sense.” I gesture around at the manila folders, stacked as tall as my shoulders, with only a small path to walk between them. “Case in point. How did I not realize everyone here is so disorganized?”

“We aren’t disorganized,” he argues, but I wave again at the mess and he laughs. “Okay, some of us are. We’re justbusy, and this got pushed to the wayside. But now we have our pet human to handle the busywork for us.”

I glare at his giant smirk, my eyes moving to the file clutched in his hand as he lifts it. “Don’t you…” He drops itonto the empty shelf with a chuckle. “…dare,” I finish weakly, snatching the file and plopping it onto the nearest pile. “If you’re going to be a nuisance, scamper off. You’re so terribly busy, after all.” He laughs again, and my stern expression falters as I chuckle along with him.

The afternoon passes in a dull blur as I develop a filing system. Alphabetical order for the open shelves, with high-ranking officers given the space in the cabinets with locks. The mindless task makes the hours pass quickly, and I find myself stuck in a memory of the day my ex-girlfriend, Maryna, broke things off between us.

“I don’t think this is working, August,”she’d said with a sad smile. “You aren’t invested in our relationship.” Until that very moment, everything had seemed fine to me. I hadn’t understood her logic.

Still don’t, if I’m being honest.

“How am I not invested? I make you happy, don’t I? We’ve been together for almost six months, and I thought I was a good boyfriend.”

“You are,”she’d stressed, which only confused me further.“You’re a great guy, August. Everyone knows that.”

“So what’s the problem, then?”

Her deep blue eyes had become pleading at that point, her brows drawing together in a way that made me feel even worse.“Sometimes… okay, most of the time… it’s like you’re making all the right moves, but it’s not for the right reasons. You do all those things that we expect from our partners… you’re sweet, and you always listen. You pay attention to what I like and never put yourself first.”

“Okay…”I stretched the word out as my mind spun.“I still don’t understand. What am I doing wrong?”

“It’s just…”Her throat had bobbed in a swallow, and I hated seeing her so uncomfortable. Hated knowing it was me that made her that way.“You do those things, but you don’t mean them. They’re what’s expected of you, but your heart isn’t in them.”

“Of course it is,”I’d argued, but she held up a hand, and like the accommodating, polite man I’ve always been, I stopped and nodded for her to continue.

“There’s no passion between us. Even when we have sex, it’s just going through the motions. Part of you is locked up tight inside that giant heart of yours, and I’m not the person you’re willing to give it to. I love you, August. Can you say the same about me?”My eyes had burned as I stared into hers, and that sad smile turned downright heartbreaking.“It’s okay, sweetie. We’ll always be friends, but we both deserve better than this.”

In my thirty-three years on this planet, I’ve had very few relationships. They all ended the same way—with them saying I wasn’t invested. Despite my confusion, I’m not cruel. I’d never try to force a relationship that felt one sided, regardless of how content I might be.

But I also don’t know how to be any different.

Generally speaking, I’m a happy guy. Content to share my time with someone whose company I enjoy, and I take pleasure in making them smile. But inevitably, there comes a time where they demand more from me.

More than I know how to give.

Passion and explosive physical attraction aren’t something I understand. They can’t be studied from a book or examined. I can’t teach myself how to love someone—not in the way they want to be loved.

Maybe I’m not capable of it, and that realization fills me with a sharp, heavy sadness.

“How’s it going, pretty boy?” Xeni asks from behind me, and I keep my back to him for a moment while I swallow past the knot in my throat. “Hey, do you have that file I dropped off earlier? It wasn’t supposed to get put away just yet.” I finally turn around, immediately noticing the nervous tension in his shoulders and the way his hand fists at his side.

My brows pinch, but he says nothing else. “What was the name?”

“Uh, it was two… Freyan and Alexander.” I nod, thumbing through the files I placed earlier until I spot it. There’s an unfamiliar word written in pencil across the front, but he snatches it from my grasp before I can attempt to decipher it.

“Thanks,” he blurts, a slight flush creeping up his neck before he smooths his face, regaining his usual air of relaxed confidence. He tucks the file under his arm and steps closer, brushing a stray hair from my forehead. “I knew I could count on you.”

Confused about the entire exchange, I frown as he takes another half-step closer and wraps his hand around my wrist. “Did you need something else?” I ask. A breathy laugh huffs from his lips as he smiles, but as he opens his mouth to speak, a low growl causes both of us to jump.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Elas demands as he storms into the file room, so big he seems to take up the entire space. I glance over Xeni’s shoulder and smile—the first genuine one I’ve had all day—but it quickly fades when I see the fury on Elas’s face.

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