Page 49 of Ronan

Shame makes my eyelids squeeze closed as I force a rough swallow. “I was angry,” I whisper, avoiding his eyes at the memory and the regret that kicks me in the stomach every time I relive it.

“And I washurt,” he says, and my eyes open, flying back to his. “As much as you’d like to think it otherwise, I am not invincible, Cameron. You might as well have driven a blade through my heart with what those words did to me.”

A heavy, suffocating guilt settles on my chest, the weight of my regret making it hard to even breathe. My lip quivers and his gaze drops to it, the hold in my hair loosening as his eyes soften. “But I’mhere, aren’t I? I’m here with you, trying to respect your wishes while fighting for any scrap of affection you’re willing to offer me. Sitting like a dog at your feet, just waiting for a crumb to feed this addiction I have to you. So yes, Cameron. You have to be a pretty fucking stupid human to not realize how much I want you.”

“You can’t call me names while you say sweet things,” I argue, trying to hide the potent rush of relief that pours through my system. The corners of his lips pull back in the tiniest hint of a smile. “It’s a rule, I’m almost positive.”

“Unfortunately, it seems the situation calls for it.” Tentatively, he wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer until my head lies on his chest, his fingers raking against my scalp. “Is this going to become a routine?”

“What do you mean?” I mumble into his shirt, simultaneously loving and hating how it soothes me when I want to stay mad. Slowly, my body relaxes into his and the clutches on my anger loosen until it starts to fade. His hands stroke up and down my spine, and ever so hesitantly, I rest my hand on his chest. A peaceful silence is broken only by the gentle tempo of his breathing and the rhythmic pulse of his heart beating beneath my ear.

“I don’t know your story yet, Cameron,” he finally whispers as he eases us down to the bed. We lay side-by-side, arms tight around me as I snuggle into his warmth. “Don’t know what the world has done to you. And I can only hope that one day, you’ll trust me enough to share the parts of you that have been hurt so deeply. If I need to start my days and end my nights by telling you that you are wanted, I will set a routine so strict you could tell time by it. There won’t be a day that passes without me reminding you.”

His fingers tighten in my hair, the touch less irritated and more intimate this time. He tilts me up to face him, hesitating as he leans closer. “In those moments you feel insecure, I hope you remember that nothing will change my mind. The mark could disappear off my skin, the Fates could all go to hell, and I would still want you.”

He leans in, hovering just a hairbreadth away from my lips as his breath blows across them. “But Cameron?” he asks, pulling back as I chase his mouth.

My eyes swing up to his, so very close. “Yeah?”

“Wake me up like that again and I will gag you before we sleep.”

My argument is cut short as he rushes forward and captures my mouth, silencing me as the words fade to a quiet whine. Calm and in control, his lips move against mine, taking his time as something fundamental inside me cracks wide open. The defenses around my guarded heart weaken, a few more bricks in my walls crumbling as I melt into his arms. A needy sound builds in the back of my throat, and he pulls away to meet my gaze, lips glistening and eyes hooded.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

His nose rubs against the bridge of mine as he whispers back, “I know you are. My intention was never to hurt you, and I’m sorry I did.”

“I want to be better.”

“You don’t need to be better, mo’sziv. I don’t want you to change… I just want you.”

“But I’m broken.” My cracked words are so quiet, they’re barely more than a breath.

His fingernails drag against my scalp and make me shiver as he presses another gentle kiss to my lips. “Then I’ll hold you together until you’re not.”

A whimper leaves my throat as I fight back tears, my chest tight with the sweet agony of his words. “Please?” He nods, knowing what I need as he comes in for more, this kiss more forceful. His hands flex against me as our lips move together, tilting my head and taking control by putting me where he wants me. Gentle teeth nip at my bottom lip, and he tugs my lips apart as his tongue pushes into my mouth, sliding against mine as a whine slips loose.

Ronan smiles against our kiss as unfiltered, undeniably needy sounds escape me. “I like you this way,” he whispers, peppering my face with feather-light pecks. “If this is how I get you to be agreeable, I can work with that.”

“If you’re looking for me to be agreeable, you’ll end up disappointed.” He laughs again, his breath blowing across my lips.

“You’ll never be a disappointment to me, Cameron. An irritation, sure, and always a pain in my ass, but never a disappointment.” He kisses me, slow and gentle, running his fingers over my scalp and down my spine, until my eyes droop and my limbs get heavy. “Sleep now,” he whispers,tucking me against him and kissing the top of my head. “No pillows will attack you in the dark—I’ll make sure of it.”

A smile spreads over my lips as I nuzzle in. “Such a mighty protector,” I tease, feeling safer than I ever have as I drift back into a peaceful sleep.

Chapter 16

Ronan

Fourteen hours of sleep later, I’m lying wide awake, my body buzzing and restless to move. The first rays of sun paint the room in a faint orange glow as I roll over, using the dawning light to stare at Cameron. Sound asleep, his face is pushed into the pillow, glasses askew and lips parted.

A paradox, if I ever saw one—a complete enigma. I’m torn between the violent desire to choke some sense into him and the irresistible impulse to map his body with my tongue.

I’ve never met a creature that’s simultaneously so endearing and frustrating.

Asleep, his face is relaxed, his breathing even, with a serenity that contrasts with his usual tense demeanor. He’s only given me fragments of his story; glimpses into a puzzle that’s far from complete. Something in his past haunts him, and it makes me wonder what ghosts cloud his mind.

The irrational insecurity… the blinding fear that I’ll let him down, too.

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