Page 30 of Ronan

“Fuck that, Ronan. Really?”

“What would you have me do, Elas? He already views me as a monster, and I refuse to prove him right by being one.” Quieter, I say, “He asked if I’d be willing to walk away from this life and leave with him.”

“And you said give me a day to pack my bags?”

I scoff at the simplistic way Elas views the world. It’s always been that way for him, his existence black and white while I live in the gray. “I told him the same thing that he told me… that I don’t know. My whole life, everything I’ve ever known, is the military. If I walked away from it, what does that mean? Was my life wasted? Was it all for fucking nothing?” I meet his eyes, his dark ones filled with a profound understanding. “Without the military, every atrocious thing we’ve ever done suddenly belongs to me. Iownit. There’s no one else to carry the burden of that guilt.”

“We were following orders.”

“Orders we knew were wrong.” He doesn’t argue with me, just takes a deep breath as I drag my hands over my face, shaking my head. “What good would I be doing out in the wastelands, roaming the world?”

“You’d be protecting your mate.”

“Stop using that word like it gives me some iron-clad, indisputable claim to him. He is aperson, one who makes his own choices, and trust me, that infuriatingly stubborn man will do whatever he wants to do, regardless. What happens when he decides he doesn’t want a mate? That he doesn’t want to be paired with a monster for eternity and is better off without me?” I slam my bottle on the table, my fingers squeezing around the glass until they ache. “What then, Elas?”

He stares at me for a stretch before leaning into the cushions and draping his ankle over his knee, a smile spreading across his mouth. “Are you feeling insecure, Ronan?”

“Oh, fuck all the way off.” My arms cross over my chest as I sit back, twisting my head to stare at the wall instead of his stupid face.

“He asked you to go with him.”

“No, he didn’t. The question was whether I’d bewillingto go with him. It wasn’t an invitation, it was a test.”

“Which you failed miserably, from the sound of it.”

Refusing to answer, my mind drifts again to the hidden house, and I wonder how long it took him to leave. How many minutes went by before he decided it wasn’t worth the risk of waiting? Did he think twice before grabbing the pack and running? Was I ever even an option, or was it nothing more than a strategy to get out of that prison?

And why does that thought hurt so much?

“Did you find August?”

He recognizes the change of subject for what it is, and for a moment, I think he’s going to push the matter. Whatever he sees in my face gives him pause, and he purseshis lips before he sighs. His hand seesaws in front of him. “Sort of. Several rebels died in the escape attempt, and the survivors magically found a newfound gratefulness to be alive. They were more willing to cooperate once they were locked in their new cells.”

“Imagine that,” I mutter, and he snorts a laugh.

“There’s an August listed on the register of names they started. If he’s a medic, I might be able to get him into a work program. The base always needs extra hands in the hospital, assuming Cameron’s correct about him having an agreeable attitude. If we’re being honest, though, I’m not positive I trust your snarky man to make that assessment.”

“Don’t blame you for that,” I mutter, wondering if Cameron will even be around to hear the news when we get it.

“What happened when you got back to base?”

“Commander Bravis ripped me a new asshole.” My ears still ring from the lecture. The commander loves to hear himself talk on a good day, and loves to chew someone out even more. “Spent an hour screaming that I was careless to leave base, then another one yelling about not following protocol. He finally calmed down once I showed him Bruce’s body and convinced him he was the ringleader.”

“He believed your claim that he’d slipped past the walls?”

I shrug. “A few of the chattier prisoners mentioned his name as the one who was unlocking the cells, so the story lined up. Did anyone give you grief about our visits to the cells over the past week?”

“Nah,” he says with a careless wave of his hand. “The guards at the door were always different, and like Isaid before, we have every right to be there. Now, I’ve given you time, so stop avoiding the question.”

“Question?” I ask, glancing at his smug grin.

“Don’t play dumb, it’s beneath you. What are you going to do about Cameron? Take him those supplies in a few days, and then… what? Throw the Fates a big middle finger? Say goodbye and watch your mate…” He catches himself as my glare sharpens. “… yourmanwalk away from you, back into the wastelands?”

“What else can I do, Elas?” I snap, hands flying into the air in front of me. “Leave behind everything I’ve ever known for a human who doesn’t even want me around?”

He stares at me, chewing on his lip with his foot bouncing underneath him. “I think if the Fates gave me a mate, I’d guard that shit with my life. It’s a gift, Ronan.”

“It’s only been a week since you were calling it a curse!”

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