Page 34 of Ronan

“No,” I murmur, leaning into the sparking heat of his skin on mine. “No, it’s not just you.” He’s so close, I wouldn’t even have to move to kiss him. Just a simple pucker of my lips, and I could quench a fraction of this thirst. My every muscle wants to give in to this maddening attraction between us, but I hesitate as I stare into his eyes, pupils almost fully eclipsing his irises. Forcing the last of my brain cells to function, I throw out my final life preserver, hoping I don’t drown. “You never answered my question. Would you leave with me?”

Lip worrying between his teeth, he stares, tracing the lines of my face before finding my eyes again. His gazefeels like a deliberate assessment, like he’s determining if I’m worth the risk, and the disappointment that splinters through me hurts more than it should. Indecision is written all over his face, bringing me crashing back down to earth.

All those visions of a future where I could be happy dissolve in a matter of quiet moments as I realize how much I’d wanted him to come with me.

Tochooseme.

My feet thud as I jump off the counter, dodging around him and busying myself by digging through the sacks. I try to ignore the ache in my chest as I toss the contents everywhere, making a mess in my agitation. It’s no surprise he’s stronger than me, able to resist this feeling that draws us together.

Or maybe he doesn’t feel it at all, and this was fate’s grand idea of a joke. Plant the seed in my mind that I could actually have a life worth living, then rip it from the ground before it ever has the chance to grow.

He doesn’t want me, and I was an idiot to stay.

“What are you doing?” He keeps his distance, staring at me as though I’m a wild animal.

“Figuring out what I can carry with me when I leave tomorrow.” I don’t keep the contempt out of my voice as I slam a blanket onto the ground, irritated when there’s no satisfying thud to accent my temper.

“Cameron.” His frustration is obvious as he grabs my arm and forces me to face him.

“No!” I shout, shoving at his shoulders, and I know he’s letting me win as he takes a step backward. Even in my anger, I can’t overpower him. “You don’t get to fucking mess with my emotions like this, Ronan. You don’t get to do that!”

He shakes his head, confused. “I told you I would bring supplies—”

“Supplies, yes, but not…” I stutter for a second, gesturing towards my pitiful reading nook. “Not books and things that make me believe you actually paid attention. You don’t get to waltz in here and tell me you missed me… claim that you can’t stop thinking about me when you haveeveryintention of walking away again. It isn’t fairto pretend like you care, Ronan. Not when I actually do.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he sneers, shaking his head as he steps closer. “Of course I care. You’re my mate.”

“Fuck being your mate!” I shout, and he reels back like I’ve slapped him. “Fuck the mark, fuck the godsdamned Fates! If that’s the only reason you’re doing this, take your attention elsewhere. Give it to someone else… shove it up your own ass for all I care!”

His mouth drops open, his eyes darting between mine. “I don’t understand why you’re upset.”

“Of course you don’t,” I mutter, fuming. “Let me spell it out for you in ways that your simple little monster brain can comprehend. If this wasevergoing to work between us, you need to care about me for more than some stupid mark on my arm. I need to be achoice, Ronan, and not just an obligation.”

“Have I not shown I’m trying?” He grabs my wrists, tugging me forward until our bodies knock together. “This is as foreign to me as it is to you, Cameron, but I’m trying. I just needtimeto figure this out.”

“How much time, huh? A few more days? A week? A fuckingmonth?”

“I don’t know,” he says, gritting his teeth.

“That seems to be your motto, doesn’t it? You want to keep me here, holed up in this claustrophobic house while you continue to live your life the way you always have.” I rip away from the magnetic pull of his body, and he doesn’t chase as I back up a few steps. “Nothing’s changed for you, has it? An extra pit stop on your patrol every few days, a half hour of time spent making sure I’mwell-fed.” I grab a bag of grains and chuck it at him in my anger, a spiteful smile crossing my face when it thunks into his chest and falls to the ground. “Well, don’t worry, I won’t interrupt your routine any more than I already have.”

“Cameron, wait.” He reaches for me as I storm towards the door, but I rip my hand away, glaring at him.

“Do not follow me,” I hiss, pushing his shoulders one last time for good measure. “I never asked for any of this, and I won’t be fuckingkept. You can’t just lock me in a tower and expect me to be here when you have time to come check on me. Everyone leaves—everyone—and I will not sit here waiting for you to leave, too.”

“I would never leave you,” he utters, and gods, how I want to believe it.

But I don’t. I can’t afford to.

Blindly reaching behind me, I search for the knob and fling the door open, flooding the room with sunlight and illuminating the stupidly handsome planes of his face. Pouring contempt into my voice, I sneer as I say, “I never asked for a mate, and I don’t want you, Ronan.”

Pain tears through my chest as hurt flashes across his face, and he stops, not trying to hide his emotions as he reaches for me, but I’m gone. I march through the door, wanting to get as far away from him as I can while my heart is still intact.

Chapter 12

Ronan

Unfamiliar emotions tear through my body until I’m reeling, shredding me apart from the inside out. There’s anger, of course, burning bright and furious, but underneath it lies a confusing, unidentifiable tangle I don’t recognize.

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