Page 3 of The Roommate Situation

“I don't know what you’re talking about,” Jackson says, as I stand just out of sight of the doorway, listening.

“Look, I know I messed up,” Zach says, his voice much gentler this time, and I find myself tearing up again. “I miss him. I need to see him. Please. Just tell him I’m here.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jackson repeats. “If I see him I’ll let him know you were here.” Then he’s shutting the door in Zach’s face and turning around as Zach begins to pound on it again.

“Damn it, Jackson, let me in. I know he’s here. He has to come home eventually. He can’t avoid me forever.”

It’s quiet after that and I’m pretty sure he’s gone, so I slink out from my hiding spot. “Thank you,” I tell Jackson.

“Of course. Come on, let’s eat breakfast. I need bacon and coffee.”

I give a smile because that sounds pretty great.

“How are you doing?” he asks me, as we eat and sip on our drinks.

“I don’t know,” I say. “Pretty shitty, I guess.”

“Makes sense. You know Luc and I are here for you. Whatever you need. You can stay here for as long as it takes you to find a place.”

I nod, and take another sip of my coffee before saying, “I just can’t help wondering if I pushed him to this. Maybe if I apologized, said I was sorry, maybe if I let him fuck me more often–”

“Oh, no,” Jackson says. “We’re not going there.” I meet his gaze and he continues. “You are not responsible for this, Rory. No matter what problems you guys were having, you didn’t make him cheat. Got it? I don’t care if you were only fucking once every six months, if he had a problem with it he couldhave talked to you. He could have said it wasn’t working for him because he needs to be with someone with a higher sex drive. He could have broken up with you. He didn’t need to cheat.”

I nod again, but I’m not convinced that’s true, and I hate it. I want to believe Jackson but I have all of the things Zach has been telling me for months running through my head right now, along with those texts from last night. I know I can’t go back to him, but I don’t know how to not be with him, either. I haven’t been single in a long time and he was my first.

As if reading my thoughts, Jackson says, “I know he was your first, and it’s always hard when it’s your first, Ror, but you deserve so much better than him. It hurts a lot right now, but you will be better off without him, and you’ll find a guy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.”

I swallow when I realize something. “Shit, I should get tested.” Tears fill my eyes yet again and I bury my face in my hands as my shoulders shake.

“You guys didn’t use condoms?” Jackson asks.

I flush. “I mean, the first few months we did, but not after that. He got really insistent about going bareback, about how much better it would be. I didn’t want to disappoint him.”

Jackson sighs. “Hon, that’s fine if that’s what you want, but you should never feel like you are being coerced into unprotected sex. God, what an asshole. I’m starting to think more and more that he was a complete douche.”

I start to sob again, so embarrassed by my own ignorance and stupidity, and inability to stand up for myself in a relationship where I should have felt completely safe doing so. I was just so scared of losing him, because I’d never had anyone pay attention to me the way he had, never had anyone desire me the way he had, that I let him say and do a lot of things I wasn’t comfortable with.

“Hey,” Jackson says, walking around the bar and sliding his arm over my shoulders. “You’re gonna be okay. I’ll go with you if you want me to. We can both get tested.”

“Are you having unprotected sex?” I ask with a slight laugh.

“No, but it doesn’t hurt to get tested now and again anyway.”

I know he’s just doing it to make me feel more at ease about the whole ordeal, but I nod anyway.

“Now, when would you like to go get your things?”

I sigh and wipe my eyes. “When he isn’t there.”

“Yes, that’s a given, hon. Lucy and I will be going with you. You’ll need help loading everything into your car.”

It’s not until I see Lucy later that afternoon that I get my phone back, and honestly I’m not even sure I want it. Not having it was kind of nice. I take it, but don’t bother turning it on before sliding it in my pocket.

We make our way to the apartment and I use my key to get in, Jackson and Lucy following behind me. I know Zach’s schedule well enough it wasn’t too hard to find a time when he would be gone so we could get my things and be out of here before he gets back.

Even though I know I’m doing the right thing, it still hurts to be packing up my life and leaving the place I’ve shared with Zach for the last several months, the place I thought we’d be in together for a lot longer.

I leave the furniture and just take my clothes, toiletries, books, and other essentials. A lot of the dishes and cookware are mine so I snag those, including the silverware. I take my food from the pantry and the fridge and gather my meds. Once everything has been piled into my car, I drive it back toJackson’s, where most of it will stay until I find another place to live.

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