Page 94 of Covenant

Because this marriagewillend. And who the fuck knows how I’ll manage emotionally when it does.

Not a problem I thought I’d have when I’d stood at that altar with him. But things have changed.

Everything has changed.

And in trying to protect myself from getting hurt…I think I hurt Matthias.

Matthias stalks into the bathroom, not knowing the turmoil in my mind, and turns on the shower. I just stand there, knowing I have no right to join him, not after what I said to him, how those words hurt him. So I wait, taking my turn for the water when he’s done. I can’t stop looking at him as he dries off, his muscles tense and tight.

I rush to finish my shower before he’s dry—before he can leave me in here alone.

Why wouldn’t he? I’m the one who just told him that what’s happening between us doesn’t mean anything.

Because it doesn’t—right?

Fuck, I’m so confused.

He’s out of the door before I finish drying. I curse as I rush to follow him, hopping as I tug my boxers on.

Finally, I find him out in the enclosed porch, watching the rain come down, the palm trees whipping and leaning left and right in the distance. The thunder, thankfully, has escaped into the horizon and my anxiety over a loud storm dissipates. Now all that’s left is the stress of Matthias being mad at me.

I hate it. I shouldn’t, given our past, but I do.

“Are you going to avoid me the rest of the evening? The rest of our honeymoon?” My voice comes out angrier than I want it to be. I’m upset with myself for making him upset. I should have said it better, should have tried not to hurt him.

But I failed.

His hands slide into his pockets. “It’s not a honeymoon, though, is it?”

I grind my teeth as I watch him, moving to stand near him. Our arms brush and he inhales softly.

“I don’t want to be punished for speaking facts.”

“That’s all this is then? Facts?”

I swallow. The anger pulsing off him is unlike anything I’ve felt before.

“I said nothing but the truth and you’re mad about it. I should have been kinder, perhaps, but it doesn’t change what this is.” It can’t. I won’t let myself go there.

I trusted him once, and look how that ended.

“That’s the truth,” he murmurs and then turns to face me. “Fine. That’s all it needs to be then. Transactional. Unfeeling.”

Those words make something inside of me clench and roil.

“Matthias.”

“No. I get it.” He holds up his hands, and I want nothing more than to press my lips to the palms that are facing me. “You don’t need to explain. You wouldn’t want me to get anyideas.”

He turns and walks away, and fuck me, I follow himagain. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I stay away? Even when things ended badly between us, I was still drawn to him. I’d look him up online occasionally, tracking his movements in the media. Even then I was on his leash.

When Matthias steps into the bedroom, he strips off his clothes and underwear and kneels on the bed, his ass exposed to me. He doesn’t turn around, just does it all without looking at me.

“Might as well fuck then.” His voice is like ice. “At least something about this will feel good.”

I huff as I stare at him, offering himself up to me, his ass ripe and lush. Fuck, he’s proving a point. I hate it.

“Go on, Wyatt. Fuck me. Fuck me like it doesn’t mean anything.”

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