Page 144 of Covenant

The realization hurts, but that’s okay.

Everything hurts these days. Wyatt didn’t just take my heart when he left. He took my ability to be happy.

And I’m perfectly fine with that. I fucked things up beyond my wildest dreams. Wyatt was right. I manipulated the situation.

And I broke both our hearts in the process.

Dalton sighs, but Cade’s grin just gets wider. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

Strong arms shove into me from the left. They hit me so suddenly that I lose my balance and tumble toward Cade. He catches me, swinging me over his shoulder in a firefighter lift. “Jesus, Matthias. You’re a heavy fucker. Good thing I lift so much.”

“Put me down,” I say dully. I wonder briefly why I’m not yelling, or kicking and punching anything I can reach.

I just don’t care enough. I think that’s what it is. Without Wyatt to center everything around, I’m lost. An empty bottle dancing in the waves. No letter. No intentions. Just discarded and lost.

Dalton goes ahead of us into the bathroom. Seconds later, I hear the shower come on. “I’m not getting naked in front of you two.”

“Like we wanna see it.” Cade shudders as he puts me down in the opening of the walk-in shower. “Now, are you going to be a good boy and shower, or do I need to make you?”

Of all of them, Cade is probably the only one who can. He might be all charm and smiles, but I know all too well a psychopath lurks behind the smoke and mirrors.

Still, I argue. I can’t help it. I don’t care, but I also don’t want to go to any fucking events. To smile. To shake hands. To make idle small talk.

To have anyone enquire where my husband is.

It’d been a mistake, taking him to the previous gala. At the time, I thought it was a good way to get him back into the circles he’d once been comfortable in, and to share a little of my world with him.

It never occurred to me that one day, I might have to explain his absence.

“I’m not going,” I repeat, glaring at Cade. Dalton is leaning against the doorjamb and smirking, but I can see the worry in his eyes. The worry all my siblings have had every time they’ve looked at me over the past few weeks.

“Fine,” Cade grins. “Have it your way.”

He shoves me directly in the chest and I fly backward into the spray, my back colliding with the wall and knocking the wind out of me. I open my mouth to yell at him, but water fills it and chokes my words.

Dalton is laughing so hard he’s doubled over in the doorway. “Really wish I’d taken a video of that.”

Cade is just eyeing me speculatively from the opening. “Now, can you do the rest? Or do I need to get in there and wash you? I don’t want to, but I will, Matthias. Don’t push me.”

I bare my teeth at him, preparing to fight. But then Wyatt’s face flashes through my mind as I remember how he fought me. The past tangles with the present, and my energy leaves me in a flash. “Fine. Whatever. Just get out so I can have some privacy.”

Cade looks to Dalton, who nods. There’s a certain hierarchy that we all observe, even without speaking it aloud. Cade might be more dangerous, but Dalton is cunning. He’s seen us all through enough shit that he earned our respect and loyalty years ago.

Even if he does like to piss us all off by stealing our shit and hitting on Wyatt.

Wyatt.

See, even when I’m thinking about something completely unrelated, my brain circles back to him. It’s not a surprise, really. My neural pathways are trained to focus on Wyatt at all times.

I’m not sure I can ever change that.

When they’ve disappeared and closed the door, I decide I may as well shower. Cade’s right. I do stink. I can’t even remember the last time I washed.

Not much of a point now.

I scrub myself clean until my skin is pink and raw. When I’m done, I shave too. Not because I’m planning on doing as my brothers have asked, but because there’s no fucking way I’m trusting Cade at my throat with a sharp blade.

I don’t think he’d ever hurt me, not intentionally anyway. But Cade has an unhealthy obsession with both sharp things and blood. It’s best to just keep both away from him at all times.

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