Page 23 of Covenant

My vision grows less hazy with each prompted breath I pull in, and a few minutes later, I’m able to push away from him and stand on my own.

“I’m fine,” I say, my voice wavering slightly. I clear my throat and try again. “I’m fine.”

Matthias lets me go, eyeing me warily. His fingers slide from my shoulders to drop near his sides. I can’t look at him. I don’t want to fucking look.

Husband.

I can’t believe I’m married to him.

“We need to sign the paperwork,” he says quietly, and I close my eyes. Right, paperwork. That’s all this is. Just a marriage on paper, nothing more.

If I can focus on that, maybe I’ll be able to hold it together.

My eyelids peel open and I follow Matthias to a small desk, a pen placed in my hands. And then we sign it, sealing my fate. A camera clicks, startling me. I wonder how I look in this moment. Like a deer caught in headlights, knowing death is coming for him.

This isn’t death. It’s not the worst fate The Firm could’ve dealt me. I need to remember that.

The judge claps and my heart thunders in my ears as she announces that we can kiss.

I don’t want to fucking kiss him.

I don’t want it.

Matthias steps up to me, his hands finding mine. They’re cool, strong, so assured.

“Remember,” he begins, forcing my gaze up to his with that word. “I need to have a marriage where my husband is happy.”

But I’m not happy, I think as his hand moves up to my cheek, stroking gently. Those tingles are back, spreading down my neck to my chest once more, making my heart beat frantically.

I know I’m blushing as his hand wraps around the back of my head and he pulls me closer. So close that his lips brush against mine and I let out a small breathy moan. A moan of discontent, of anger. His lips push against mine, a little more insistent and then they’re gone. He pulls away and his hands fall from me.

I’m left standing there, my eyes still closed, unable to open them for fear of what this means. The reality of it.

Married. To Matthias.

But eventually I need to open them and face my reality.

I’m doing this for Jackson.

I repeat this to myself. A reminder that as soon as I step out of this small courtroom, I can head home and take him to rehab. It’ll be worth it. All of it will be worth it for this, to see my brother heal. For him to get better.

I can do a year of this.

I can do anything. I won’t fall apart.

Matthias moves toward me, his hand falling on my lower back, and I stiffen, not telling him off like I normally would because he’s right. We need to pretend we have a happy marriage. I need to fulfill my end of the bargain. So I don’t step away, I just let him guide me out of the room and into the lobby. People are milling about, all focused on themselves, not realizing that my life has completely changed.

No one cares about this. About me.

Not even my husband. I’m just a means to an end.

He’s the same to you.

I know that. I do. It doesn’t matter anyway. All that matters is Jackson and his recovery.

“I have to get Jackson to the rehab facility by two for orientation.”

Matthias nods and leads me out of the building. It’s raining again and I forgot my umbrella. When I left this morning, I didn’t tell Jackson where I was going. He knows about the marriage, but not that it was happening so soon. I didn’t want him to know or worry. I’ll tell him later. I want him to focus on himself. Not on me.

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