Page 135 of Covenant

The silence from my brother didn’t last long though. Now that we’re in the hotel room, he’s pestering me.

“So, why did we leave?” he asks as I stare out the hotel window, my eyes trying to pinpoint where Matthias’s house is in the distance. I can’t see it. I don’t even know where it is.

I miss him. I’m also beyond fucking pissed at him. I’m angry he put us in this position without my knowledge. Furious he wasn’t prepared to fight for us.

But still, I miss him.

This is worse than the first time. It’s so much worse. I feel like I’m coming undone. I don’t think I’ll be able to sew myself up this time. I think I may end up in pieces.

It’s worse because I know what it’s like to love him up close. He introduced me to a new world, one where he was at the center.

Now I don’t want to return to the world I once knew.

If it was just me, I think I’d hole up in this hotel room forever. Just sit and stare in the direction of his house and refuse to move on.

But it’s not just me. I have Jackson to care for.

My mind moves away from Matthias and on to planning. There’s so much we need to do. We need to get a place, get new furniture, and get Jackson a nurse to keep up with his physical therapy.

“Hey, seriously. What’s up? Why did we leave? I wanna know,” Jackson says again.

I blink away the tears and turn toward him. “It’s complicated.”

“I’m not a kid. Tell me.”

I sigh. He’s right. He’s so much more mature than I give him credit for. “I learned the truth.”

Jackson makes a face like I’ve lost my mind. “Yeah, and that’s good, right? Now you can move forward?”

I shake my head, swallowing. “Sometimes the truth isn’t good.”

He stares at me. “Okay then. Tell me what happened.”

But I can’t. I won’t betray Matthias that way, despite everything he’s done to keep me in the dark, I won’t share his secrets. I’m furious at him, but still oddly protective. How can I love and hate someone all at the same time? “All you need to know is he tricked me. It’s all I can say.”

Jackson arches an eyebrow at me. “So, we left because of that? A trick?”

No, it’s because I want it to be real. But he set me up from the start. How can I trust anything he’s told me? Anything we did together?

Especially after he told me to leave. Clearly, what we have isn’t worth fighting for.

At least, not for Matthias.

I can’t tell Jackson any of that. “It’s complicated.”

He huffs. “So, everything that he’s done for me—for you—it’s all forgotten because of a trick? Got it.”

I can tell Jackson is annoyed, but he doesn’t understand. He has no idea what’s happened between Matthias and me. It’s not that simple. It’s not.

Right?

I wish I fucking knew. I’m so exhausted I feel like I could sleep for a year.

But I’m too scared to do that. I know what will be waiting for me in my dreams—who will be haunting them.

I stiffen my spine. I can’t go to pieces. I have to stay strong for Jackson. I have to pull myself together, even if it’s a lie. “Seriously. Enough with the attitude. I know…I know you just got settled, and we’re going to have to move again, but we’ll make it work. Like we always have.”

Jackson huffs in annoyance and turns around, pulling up his phone. “Yeah, all right. Whatever you say, bro.”

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