Page 61 of Love Letters to Christmas

My head shakes.

“More verbal reassurance, maybe? Or perhaps physical? Hugs? Probably hugs.”

My head shakes more violently as my face turns blistering red. “I’ll become complacent. And then when the test is over, I’ll be useless and annoying.”

“Unlikely.”

“Very, very likely. That’s what happens when you get secure. My parents were very secure. And all they did was take advantage of everyone.”

“Really?” Brian’s brows rise. “Your parents were secure? Are you sure about that?Securepeople don’t take advantage of others. Secure people know how to take care of themselves. They don’t put their eggs in other people’s baskets. If you want an example of someone who has an above average level of security, A-mail-ia…” His expression melts into a smile. “…you’re looking at one.”

My heart thuds again, but for a minorly different reason.

“We’ll begin tomorrow, since I have that meeting with Liam tonight.” The elevator doors open, and Brian steps out, heading toward the breakroom. “Prepare yourself.”

With nothing else I can say, I gulp.

My dearest Admirer,

I once wrestled with inadequacy. I’m afraid that’s a common side effect of having a little sister…however, do not despair, for I won the battle. It was a bit annoying for a while, like a tug-of-war against a tree, but it’s worth it to keep fighting. Nothing beats the moment you feel something that was once so immovable budge.

Allow me to reassure you: there are very few things one can do, or fail to do, that would result in the end of the world. Unless you are secretly in charge of the country’s nukes, the only thing anyone worth your energy is going to ask of you is that you do your best. Also, assuming you are in a place that wants the best for you, you will heal regardless of whether or not it feels like you are healing. Our environments nurture us. If you’ve found yourself out of a toxic one and into a safe one, you will grow.

It is inevitable.

To answer your questions, my favorite food is Thanksgiving dinner. My favorite color is a very specific shade of pink. My favorite flower is the peony. The closed bud—beautiful in its own right—reminds me of someone I cherish. When they bloom, it will likely be the most incredible sight in the world.

Let’s see now…why don’t we ask some tougher questions?

How do you know when you’re loved? What can people do to make you feel welcome?

Don’t mind my research. It’s my natural tendency.

Best boyfriend in training,

Your Brian

P.S. - The blue you selected is stunning. Have youconsidered adding your favorite flower’s petals or decorating it somehow? Someone I know does it, and they turn out stunning.

I do not know how many times I rereadboyfriend in training, but each time I might breathe less. It doesn’t make sense. We’ve exchanged only a few letters, and half of mine have been complaining about how I’m not the person I want to be yet.

What has compelled him to want to be my significant other?

Unless…

What if he’s messing with me?

What if heknowsit’s me and he thinks this is all a big joke?

He is trying to get his “secret admirer” to do their wax seals like I do them. He’d surely not compare two different women like that. Not my Brian.

My stomach tightens, and I lower the letter to look at the collection of wax and stationery organized pristinely on the desk before me. Maybe he recognized the paper I’ve used. I don’t think he’s been in here since helping me bring my boxes in, but…there’s a chance, isn’t there? Brian loves pretty mail things, and I have a decent number of pretty mail things.

Brian wouldn’t mess with me unless he thinks I’m messing with him, and growing up where every girl fell over themselves for him, he has to know I’m not messing with him.

Could that mean…is heactuallyinterested inme?

Or am I delusional and trying to create a scenario where that’s a possibility because I am desperate for it to be the truth?

---