Page 52 of Partnering with the Artist

Who needs emotions in a relationship?

Maelin

“Do we like each other?” Zakery asks the second he’s closed the studio door behind us. I’ve barely been able to decide where I want to sit for this conversation.

I turn to find him with his hand locked in his hair, his eyes lowered, and his brows puckered.

“That is to say, Imightlike you. The fun story Viktor told us earlier leaves me to question the validity of that assumption, but I think it’s possible. I don’t know for how long I’ll like you if I do, so don’t feel any obligation to return the potential. It’s just…” He looks at me. “Do we like each other? Is there a way for us to find out? Or, I suppose, assuming you like me, are you willing to explore those feelings even if my feelings for you either dry up eventually or never fully exist? If you think you might like me a great deal more than all the reasons you shouldn’t, I’m certain I can at least learn to treat you correctly consistently. I love my brothers even when I don’t always like them. They rarely elicit any manner of emotional response in me, but I keep loving them anyway. I could keep loving you anyway, too. If you wanted me to. Would that…be okay?”

I stare at him, speechless.

“Did you…zone out on me?” he asks, gently. “Do I need to repeat myself?”

My head shakes. “I…” It’s been anight. The entire dinner, my neckblazed, and I swore everyone could see the place Zakery had kissed me like it was a brand on my pale, pale skin. Now he’snothing short of confessing to me. And I don’t know what to do with any of it.

For as long as I want, he is offering toloveme?

All I can come up with is: “Aren’t things moving a little fast?” I’m still getting over a breakup, aren’t I? I could be one of those people who takesyearsto get over someone.

Never mind that I don’t think I am.

Never mind that the only emotions I feel toward Harry now are a sense of hurt and irritation. I hate myself for my stupidity more than I can bring myself to hate him. I am angry, and I did love him, but if he apologized to me now and offered any logical explanation to back his behavior, I wouldn’t want him back.

It’s too late.

Too many instances of other problems in our relationship are clear to me now.

We weren’t good for each other.

I am over Harry.

If a near perfect stranger can treat me with more honesty, kindness, and respect in a matter of weeks than that man gave me in our entire seven years of knowing one another, I think it is more than safe to sayI am over him.

“Fast…” Zakery murmurs, dropping his gaze as he nods. “Probably, yes. I’m uncertain what I feel for you. All I know is that I’d like to experiment more with being near you, romantically…” He lifts his hand, stares at his open palm. “I’d…like you to be closer to me, too.” His fingers close. “And if we could talk, all night even, about anything, everything, I’d like that, very much.”

I’d also like that very much. Too much, probably. All I can think to say is: “Are we still planning to go to the Creator’s Ball together? I…think I’m over Harry, so there’s no real point for me to show off, but you’re still invited…so…it’s not exactly avoidable for you.”

“I’m not over Harry,” he says. “I want to watch him snap so I can have security drag him away, kicking and screaming like an infant. That will, personally, make me feel better.”

Oh.

Um.

Okay.

“I won’t argue with that. If you need closure.” I still don’t think we understand what that word means, but it’s fine.

“I do. Thank you.” The touch of a smile lifts his lips. But it vanishes just as quickly as it came. “I’m sorry I’m like this. I wish, even if it took longer to confirm, I could offer you more certainty where my emotions are concerned. But I just can’t.”

Emotions.

Emotions are useless to me.

I much prefer transparency. While emotions are fickle and flimsy, honesty and responsibility are a foundation I can get behind.

I’m not a child anymore. I’m not a crushing teen with stars in her eyes. I might still be young, but I’m old enough to know that stability means more than romance and flutters. I want to be with someone who never makes me guess or question. I want the peace found in a mutual agreement rooted upon the definition of love that Zakery holds.

Whether he feels it or not, so long as he acts with its definition in mind, I don’t think I care.

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