Page 120 of Falling in Love with A Tiny Bat

“I am quite aware of that, yes.”

“So you aren’t trying to hurt or trick me?”

He lets his head loll, and the curtain of his white hair catches the pale light. “You are making it very difficult to obtain your trust.”

“Answer me plainly.”

“No, Razah, I am not trying to hurt or trick you, but you should know that using the wordtrystrips your question of all meaning. Were I planning to hurt or trick you, it’s too simple to believe I am succeeding and confirm that anattemptis not being made.”

I arch a brow. “Go on, then, confirm you aren’t tricking me without sayingtry.”

“I cannot.”

“Why?”

“Because I believe that I am.”

“How?”

Dropping his arm and his shoulders, Castor paces to the fireplace. “Xios is an unseelie fae born of suicidal thoughts. I am an agent of death. Our friendship makes perfect sense. You, however, are a star. A being of fire placed in a galaxy with suchprecision you hang in the balance of the darkest matter without losing your light. You are no less than a creature that provides fullness to the lives around you in ways I cannot begin to comprehend. I want to be near you, but I also want to hide from your brilliance. I envy you. Despite your reservations and logical approach to allowing me into any corner of your world, your efforts to return my friendship are not lost on me. In knowing those efforts afford you nothing, I remember that I am a master of deception. I have raised up communities that adore me and grown weary of maintaining their fickle adulation so many times that now when anyonegood and kindpays me a moment of their time, I do wonder if I’m merely manipulating affections that I will eventually tire of yet again. I do not want to hurt you. I want to know this friendship is real. I want you to accept the parts of me I might be keeping from your sight in a subconscious effort to obtain your approval.” Plucking the crystal skull from the mantel, he runs his thumbs over the cut edges. Soft, he says, “It’s more complicated than it might seem.”

I watch him trace every part of the crystal before I drop my attention to the table before us. “How did you manage before Xios without Pollux and Cael?”

“For the most part, poorly.”

“It shows.”

He exhales a laugh and puts the skull back. “You are truly not grand at asking for a favor.”

“I wasn’t exactly raised to ask for help.”

He echoes, “It shows.” Returning to his sofa and sprawling across the cushions once more, he grasps his cup of tea and rests it beneath his nose. “What if I promise to give Xios the power to undo any tampering if I go too far when granted access to your emotions for your friend? Do you trusthim?”

“Xios is young, and I’m not in the habit of trusting that infants know what’s best for them. I want the power to protectmyself.”

“Don’t we all?” he murmurs, sipping the tea. “Were you fully fae, I could bond my powers to you…but that would also ask you to trust Xios with your humanity, wouldn’t it? And what if it’s all been an elaborate scheme? What if, all this time, Xios and I have been working together to allow him access to you?” He lifts a finger, twirling it in the air. “We can go on in circles, feeling our stomachs free fall in the downward spiral…or you can take a leap of faith. The choice is yours. I, for one, am not averse to the company your delay causes.”

I don’t know why I thought this would be simple.

I’m asking someone who kidnapped one of my friends for help, free of charge.

Of course there are strings and schemes involved.

Even assuming I can trust him because he didn’t have to tell me the parameters of what I was asking for might be another layer of his game.

Releasing a breath, I say, “You’ll only have access to my emotions where they concern Dani, right? Nothing else?AndI don’t mean that if I care about her, you can accessallof my care.”

“That’s right,” he murmurs.

So, worst case scenario, he cuts this relationship out of my chest, and Dani has to manage alone, right?

It occurs to me what statement he needs to make, so I say, “Promise you won’t change my feelings.”

He sighs. “I can’t. I can’t even promise I’ll not change them where Dani is concerned. Sweet girl, emotions arecomplex. By inviting me into contact with this relationship, there is a chance my presence alone will alter your emotions. The chance is quite high, even. Everything we do impacts our perception of reality, and that perception funnels through how we feel. I want to help you; you have to trust me. That is the extent of the simplicity inthis interaction. Everything else is complicated.”

My arms cross. “This sucks.”

“Emotions have been known to cause that reaction in people, yes.”

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