Page 105 of Falling in Love with A Tiny Bat

It’s the relationship I’m supposed to have with God—absolute trust.

But…even now…I still wrestle constantly with Him, going so far as to have some days where I doubt the foundation of His character.

After all, whatlovingGod wouldeverallow any of this to go on?

Looking into Alexios’s eyes right now…I wonder. Maybe it’s the sort of loving God that would plead for a chance to help, knowing forcing any of it would make it mean nothing.

Just because He’s not sitting on my bed right now and begging for the opportunity doesn’t mean tears aren’t glistening in His eyes every time one of His children is hurt.

I love people.

I love the breathless moments when someone does something, and I see the love of God reflected in their kindness and sincerity.

Maybe it’s the delusion of my fever, or maybe it’s proof something else inside me is healing, but I ask, “What would you do first, if I gave you everything, Xios?”

“I would grant you the sensation of safety,” he says. “I would console each aching piece of you, cradling them in my arms until you can rest. Then, while you rested, I’d work throughevery knot until your pain comes undone so I can devour it without damaging the precious parts of you. Once you’re light as a feather, I’d consume your humanity and watch you become a glimmering star in my hands. After that…I’m not sure. It would depend on you and what you might want from me. I could spend hours learning the new shapes of your fae form, tracing the points of your ears, marveling at your beauty, or I could spend days having a crisis over how someone so flawlessly perfect could really…truly…and completely…bemine.”

My weak, ill heart trips a little. “That…doesn’t sound awful.”

Flurries of hope ignite in his eyes. Desperate, he cups my cheek. “It wouldn’t be, angel. I’d take such good care of you. I would love every fragment with such…suchprecision. You would want for nothing.”

“Sounds like a life of slavery for you.”

“Blissful servitude. And…it’s not as though I would get nothing in return for my labors.”

There it is.

The catch.

Sipping my tea, I slump. “What would you get?”

“Your unfaltering adoration. The honor of owning your scintillating soul. The constant caress of your dear thoughts. The assurance of your love.”

“You shouldn’t have toownsomeone to have their love, Xios…”

“When you bless me with the permission to own you, it will be because you love me.”

The steam has almost allowed me to take a clear breath. “I dunno. Sounds unhealthy.”

His hope diminishes. “Well, what do you expect from an unseelie mate?”

Certainly not tea in bed, wet washcloths, and gentle revelations of unconditional love.

I lift a shoulder.

“If you don’t know, how am I supposed to become the picture of your deepest fantasies?”

“I don’t really have any fantasies,” I mumble into my drink.

“None?”

I catch his eye, let it go, and shrug again. “Sorry. Nothing tame really interests me. Everything else…is scary…or wrong. I think I’ve taught myself to want for nothing all on my own. I’ve spent so long taking care of myself, I’ve gotten really good at it.”

“You know…” he murmurs, “…mates exist to complete each other, but that’s not all. They also stand to test one another’s strengths and weaknesses. Because of Ash, I am forced to give up my dream of absolute possession. Perhaps I’m not the only one who must come to terms with relinquishing control.”

I arch a brow. “Or, perhaps,someonebetween us should give up completely on any level of possession, period? I keep my soul and the rest ofeverything. You learn to deal with it.”

He chuckles. “No, I’m sure that’s not right. At some point, I will need to devour your humanity. It only makes sense.”

---