Page 44 of Falling in Love with A Tiny Bat

Drawing my attention off the sight of Zahra cuddling Ash, I gaze out the window at the medieval town beyond. “Well, my apologies. Text me a list of anyone I should warn you about, and I’ll see what I can do where it concerns providing you with adequate time to mentally prepare.”

“Why are you acting weird?” she asks.

My eyes close. Truly. Isn’t that the question? I smile and lie down, rolling over to put my back to my soulmate. “Ash is a poor companion for conversation. I’ve found myself adrift in my thoughts for hours, which have left me forlorn and jealous.”

“Jealous?” she echoes.

“Of Castor getting to play with you outside. Of Ash who you seek out immediately once your company is gone.” Releasing a sigh, I bemoan. “Woe is me. I suffer beneath the weight of neglect. No one to play with. No one to hug.”

Zahra’s dry tone bears no pity. “Boohoo. Why don’t you go home and ask Papa Pollux to play with you and give you a hug?”

My superfluous nerves pinch, just like every other time she’s called Pollux that. Glaring over my shoulder, I say, “You didn’t answer my question. The roleplaying. Did you have fun?”

Her attention drifts off me, out the window, back to Ash. “I wish I knew what Castor wanted. It feels dangerous to admit anything without knowing whether or not I’m letting my guard down when I really shouldn’t. Do you know what he’s after, or are you in the dark just like the rest of us?”

I hum and rest my head against my arm, staring at the wall. “He’s after revenge.” How, exactly, he’s going about achieving it, who knows? I’m sincerely not concerned. After all, I’m an outlier in the emotional combat betwixt Pollux, Castor, and Cael. What they do hardly concerns me. My only goal in all this is standing behind me, upset, confused, tormented with worry.

“He really thinks you’re his friend.”

I bristle and roll over, sitting up. “What makes you phrase that so strangely?”

“You’re in this Villain Protection Program helping Alana, who is aligned with Cael. Meda’s your sister, and her father is Pollux. It doesn’t make sense that you’d actually be helping Castor get revenge against them.” Her purple eyes narrow, so different from their usual, sharp green. “Right?”

I watch her for several moments, taste the unbearable flickers of duress thickening in the air around her. They’re a tease that I could take in an effort to fill the aching hole in my gut, if I so dared. I already know she wouldn’t give them to me if I asked, but that is the wicked advantage of being a yamachichi.

I am not actually compelled toaskanyone for anything.

That I do anyway is a courtesy.

In all honesty, I can take whatever I want from anyone, so long as I have a scrap of leeway. Which otherwise means,so long as I am stronger than they are.

Holding myself back from wrestling away whatever I want is a mere side effect of my origination being in someone as kind as Alana. Either that or it’s a paltry trait of having had Pollux involved in the early moments of my existence. His kindness isalso very much a disease.

Leaning forward, I murmur, “Helpingis a strong word to use in either situation, snowflake. Friends aren’t obligated to help each other with anything. I am a neutral party in a game I did not start and likely will not end. I value my relationships across the chess board, and I am willing to intercede on the behalf of those I care about in an effort to create the path of least pain. IamCastor’s friend. Presently, I am the most important person in his world. I crave that kind of relationship. So while, no, I will nothelphim hurt anyone directly, there are a grand many things I will do if that secures my position at his side.”

“It hurt Pila when you took a sapling from the dryads.” Spite laces Zahra’s tone.

My eyes roll as I let a twisted smile curl my lips. “Please. She overreacted.”

“She was an expecting mother,” Zahra snaps. “Youscaredher.”

“Yet she survived, and her baby survived.”

“You’re being insensitive. Losing that sapling was like miscarrying.” Tears well in her eyes. “Do you even understand that? Do you even understand how terrifying it is to—towantso desperately to be a mother and have something happen where you fear you may not be able to be one for either years or…or ever?”

Ash whimpers, writhing in his bundle, and Zahra freezes, shifting her attention to rocking him. A teardrop falls onto his skin, rolling down the gray flesh, and she swears, swallowing hard as she wipes it off. “I’m sorry, baby. Mommy’s being loud. It’s okay…”

“I in no way threatened Pila’s chances, Zahra. I promise you that. I knew what I was doing, and I’m not going to agonize over having done nothing more than scare her.” I stand, spread my hands. “Are you going to lash out at me about the events thathave allowed you to be a mother as well? Are you going penalize me for my actions because you’re conflicted about what’s right and what’s wrong?” I let a cool smile stretch my lips. “Does my peace and confidence offend you while you’re struggling to find it for yourself? I trust my judgment. And if I change my mind someday about what I’ve done, I will make amends as they are due. For now, if you believe I deserve to be punished, know I shall suffer eternally with the knowledge that in granting you—my precious soulmate—your heart’s desire, I have made myself obsolete.” Lowering my hands and letting my smile erode, I murmur, “I shall live knowing that even if you come to love me someday, I will never have been everything to you—not even for a moment.”

“Isn’t wanting so much a little greedy?” she hisses.

“Yes. But I do not know how to be full, and I fear anything less will not be enough.”

She says nothing for many moments, eyeing me with a distant sort of concern that leaves me feeling as raw as her emotions appear to me. In the quiet, I fear I’ve portrayed myself in darker lights than she may ever forgive me for.

I can tell—by her actions and her emotions—that being a mother is important to her. If she perceives that I caused the kind of suffering and fear she could never forgive, I will never be able to come back from it.

Her gaze drops to Ash as he settles again, and she frees a tight breath. “I had fun.”

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