Page 36 of Forget Me Not

Cal stared without blinking. “Somuch to unpack there,” he said first. “We will discuss the connotations of ‘capable of’ at a later date.” That was snippy. Actually, it was all snippy. “Fairies do what brings them happiness. You’re mine. My happiness. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t be keeping you.”

Ray was notkept.

Cal scoffed as though he had interpreted Ray’s thoughts from his colors. “I know it’s not ‘took one sniff and was ready to propose,’ but it’s serious, Raymond. It’s as serious as we get. The monogamy question is up to the people involved. But do you really think… do you really think… the possible best person in the entire world foryou—a werewolf and also just Ray Branigan who gives all of himself whether he should or not—would really not be down for your single-minded devotion? That I wouldn’t be overjoyed, over the full goddamned moon, to have it? And do you truly, truly believe that I wouldn’t be the same if I was perfect for you? Drink your coffee.”

Startled, Ray took a sip. Cal’s words floated through his mind, clouds full of lightning that left Ray electrified.

Cal let Ray sit with that for one heartbeat, then two, then continued airily. “I wouldn’t be bothered much if you slept with someone else. That’s true—although I would like to watch, if possible. Join in. But if you allowed someone else near that solid, steady heart of yours without at least running it by me first?” He dropped his unaffected posturing to level a fierce look at Ray, like the creature he had briefly become in that alley. “I would not look on it kindly. That is mine to keep and I have done my very best by you. You aren’t allowed to forget me.”

Ray had a feeling his mouth was open.

A ripple went through Cal. He took a breath. “Always a pleasure to stun you into silence, Ray.”

Ray shut his mouth, then, speechless, opened it just to drink more of his cooled coffee while he stared at the half-fairy before him. He set the cup down, dinging it clumsily against the counter’s edge. He had not been claimed by a fairy. That’s not what Cal meant. And yet. “But I’m…”

“But you arewhat?” Cal gave Ray a funny look, then abruptly shook his head. “I’m essentially a stranger demanding that of you. Never mind. Sorry. I shouldn’t forget that you don’t know me.”

Ray growled, which shut Cal up and made Ray’s ears go hot with even more embarrassment. But Cal stared up at him, waiting, so Ray looked away as he explained, “I’m not the best example of a were.” That’s what he’d meant to say. “If that’s what you were looking for.”

“What?” Cal asked faintly. “Wh—I mean…what?”

Ray turned to pour more coffee into the mug to warm what was left. He drank it black because he worked too much, he didn’t like overly sugary coffee, and milk always went bad in his refrigerator. He had to drink a ton of caffeine for it to affect him in any measurable way, and then he spent too much time going to the bathroom. But coffee was something to do with his hands. A ritual. A routine shared by nearly everyone he worked with. The humans he worked with.

“Are there other wolves in town I spend time with?” Ray asked, not idly, but knowing the answer since he hadn’t detected any traces in the house or on his clothes. “I’ve lived among humans my entire life. And my pack…what should be my pack… say things about me. They don’t trust me.”

“Oh.” Cal was quiet. “You mean the other cops. That… there’s a history there. And recent events as well. And me.” Cal went to the fridge, pulled out a carton of something labeledFall Spice Oat Milk Creamer, and splashed some into Ray’s mug. Ray raised his head. “We don’t have any milk and you won’t drink my coffee.” Cal regarded him steadily. “I created a rift, you see, Ray. Well, no, I didn’tcreateit. It was already there. I mean, God, when we met—the first time, that is—you were so locked down and angry, and yet you still did your best to be good. You were growls and snarls and all their words and phrases for people like me…and like you. But when it was just you and Penn, or when you were with someone who had been hurt, then you were a very different Ray. It took me a few times to realize what I was seeing. I don’t think you were even aware of doing it. Not consciously. Ah. What am I saying to you? Not going intothatnow, either. Do you need something else to eat?”

It wasn’t that Ray didn’t. It was that he didn’t care to eat. His head hurt. His stomach was roiling.

“And I allowed it?”

“No.” The air stirred as Cal came closer. “No. You—look. You came out here from a town where you were the only were except for your mom and your sister, to a city where you are, most of the time, still the only were. I don’t know that you consciously thought any of that. From what I’ve read on weres, which is more fiction than nonfiction, instinct guides you more than you might realize. So you looked for family, for pack. It’s what you sought out when you came here. You wanted to protect, and maybe you wanted to belong too, I don’t know. But they’re what you found. The PD, I mean. And you’reyou, so you threw yourself into it like an underpaid elf working at a big box store who thinks that all the sacrifice, all the hours and stress, all the repression, would make corporate humans respect them more. It never does. They might give the elf the keys and the busiest shifts, but they will never make them manager.”

Cal paused there, his attention drifting as it often seemed to. “Though, honestly, then you’d have tobea manager. Still underpaid but now enforcing heartless corporate policies. Not much better really. The illusion of being one of them while turning you against the others like you.”

Ray had a sudden vision of Callalily,thisCallalily, brilliant and distracted, talking this way on the stand when called to testify in court. He swallowed. Cal tapped the mug again. Ray picked it up and took a drink. It was…spiced. Like nutmeg and cinnamon. He didn’t know if he liked it but he had another sip to give himself a moment.

“Is that what you think I am?” Ray couldn’t even deny it. “A sell out? Or a fool?”

“Ray.” Cal shook his head. “I told you…”

“We don’t talk about this.” Ray remembered. He gripped the mug too tightly and concentrated on not shattering it to pieces. “I wouldn’t do that. Not with my—not with you. What they said in the hospital, about you, they’d said it before. They said it easily, with practice. I allowed that. I still allow that.”

“So it’s bad if they shit-talk me, but not if they shit-talk you?” Cal’s wings buzzed with a burst of energy before he heaved a breath. He looked sad. Ray had made him look that way. “You can’t fight them all. Not even you, Ray. Though you have tried. They don’t say those things where they think you can hear.”

That had always been the case, if only because most of them were too scared to say it to him directly. It didn’t mean what Cal thought it did.

“I can’t tell what you’re thinking,” Cal said cautiously after a while, leaving Ray to assume his colors were upsetting.

“I’ve been everything I was supposed to be,” Ray whispered to himself, then looked down into Cal’s worried face. “They wouldn’t do it if they respected me. They wouldn’t do it if they respected you.”

Cal twitched, then fluttered closer again to stretch up and run his thumb across Ray’s cheek. Ray tensed. Cal only continued to do it, and spoke as lightly as a feather.

“No, they wouldn’t. But I’m half-fairy. I’m used to it. And it’s not as if I haven’t given them plenty of reasons to think I’m ridiculous. I did a lot of over the top things to get you—” He stopped to watch Ray more carefully and then began again, slower. “Things that involved lollipops and popsicles and getting your colors to go bright and hot. I can see you now, wondering why I would chase you.” He smoothed one of Ray’s eyebrows. “I used to wonder that, too. Not because you aren’t worth it. But why I had to chase you at all. Because you wanted me so much, and I couldn’t figure out why you hesitated.Of course, you were hesitant. Turns out, I was your—I was yours.” He changed his word choice with only a small hesitation. “And you didn’t think it was possible. Me being part fairy and all.”

Ray reached up to capture Cal’s wrist. “I’ve never heard of a wolf and a fairy together. Not for long.”

He got a guileless stare in return. “You don’t leave the city much, Ray.”

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