Page 21 of Cross-Check

My heart is hammering in my chest. While I’m happy to know that he isn’t actually in love with her, I feel horrible. Here he is thinking that this is all new information when it’s really not, or most of it’s not. I should have told him that I was Clay’s sister. This is giving me anxiety, sitting here and pretending I have no clue what he is talking about.

“What is the truth then? You didn’t love her?”

He shrugs. “I will always love her. She is my best friend, even if things are a bit difficult between us right now. It doesn’t matter, though, because at the end of the day, she is still the girl who was there when the pimples showed up and the awkward limbs were growing. She’s the one who watched me crash and burn the first time I asked a girl out, only for that same girl to turn around and ask me out a year later. She stayed by my side through it all. My only regret is that somewhere along the way I stopped being there for her. I can’t change that, and I hate myself for it. To answer your question, though, I thought I was in love with her, so seeing her with that guy felt like it was killing me, but when I took a step back and evaluated everything, I realized I wasn’t in love with her. I was in love with the idea of her. Of having someone I trusted without a doubt that I know would never want me for my money or the clout they would get by being with me.”

The way he is talking is as if he went through therapy or something. Maybe he did. The man sitting in front of me is not the same man who Grace and Peyton complained about last year. He’s not the same immature guy who acted like Grace was a toy he didn’t want anyone else to play with. He has grown. He can see what he did was wrong and has remorse for how he treated her. I only wish he would tell her that.

“You should tell your best friend the conclusion you’ve come to,” I tell him.

He shakes his head. “I’m not there yet. I know I need to talk to her at some point. Our parents are best friends. I still get a queasy feeling when I see her with him. I don’t think it’s because I want to be with her, but until I can come to terms with their relationship and not want to gouge my eyes out every time I see them, I don’t think I can talk to her.”

I nod. I get it. Sometimes you know you need to do something but can’t bring yourself to do it.

That’s how I ended up here. Instead of telling my mom and Clay I wasn’t sure I wanted to go to college, I just came here and hoped for the best.

I can’t fault Kellan for that.

“Anyway. Now that I’ve been a total downer, tell me more about you.”

I allow him to steer the subject away from his past.

“My volunteer work is going great. In fact, Martha, the lead mediator, said that I’m her top requested volunteer. I guess the kids love me and the parents like that I give them distance while also maintaining the boundaries I am required to have. She says I have a real talent for working with families in a crisis.”

“That’s amazing, beautiful. I had no doubt that you would be a rock star. Look at what you’ve done with me. You have me spilling my guts, and it’s only the first date.”

“Oh come on, hotshot. You haven’t told me your deepest, darkest secrets yet. I still have some work to do.” I wink at him, making him laugh.

As the rest of dinner flies by with banter and flirting, I can’t help but look at Kellan for the man he is today. He isn’t the same kid who made dumb mistakes. He went through some trauma and pain and came out the other side stronger and wiser than he was before.

Looking at him now, I only see one thing.

Potential.

* * *

Dinner was rocky at first, but ended up being a blast.

I was so nervous to take Cora to that place. The internet said it was a good date spot, but when we went inside, I felt so out of place. It didn’t feel like a place college kids should be allowed. Yet they led us to the table, and we ate a phenomenal meal while we chatted about everything and nothing at the same time.

I won’t lie. It was hard talking about Grace with Cora. I was worried it might scare her away.

Instead, I could see how her face softened as I spoke. It’s like for the first time, someone actually sees me for who I really am. Not the guy they want me to be or the asshole who fucked shit up in the past.

She saw the Kellan who was right in front of her. The one desperate to make this date work because she has me catching feelings quicker than the common cold.

After I pay for our meal, I lead her back out to my truck. The drive to her place is a quick one, but I park a little further away so I can walk her to the door.

I’m not ready for the night to end.

She must not be either, because she takes my hand, setting a slower than normal walking pace. I match her, ready to waste the entire night with her if that’s what it takes.

“You never told me about your family,” I say, needing to hear her voice once more.

“Same old story. Raised by a single mom, and I have an older brother. His aspirations overshadowed everything else in our family. I’ve never resented him for it, though. I’m proud of him. Everyone makes comments like they should pity me because my brother received more attention, but I don’t want that. I don’t need pity because there is enough room for both of us to have attention. I had a good life. My mother never favored one of us over the other. She showered me with what she could while also giving him what he needed to build a future for himself. She sacrificed so much so that we could have good lives.”

“She sounds like an amazing woman,” I tell her, pulling her to a stop by a tree several steps from the door to her dorm.

“She is. The best. Even now, she is working her ass off in case one of us needs something. She doesn’t have to support us anymore, but I know she sends my brother weekly deposits of money as she does the same for me. Honestly, I’m grateful for how I grew up. I never missed not having a father. I had a mother who did enough to fill both spots in my heart. She taught me the importance of perseverance and hope. She and my brother showed me why it is important to be a good person and treat others with respect. They shaped me into who I am today. How can I be mad about that when I’m pretty damn happy with the person I am?” She looks up at me, her eyes shining with passion.

---