Page 74 of Killian

I might not have great love for my family, but I do for those children. No matter what, they are innocent in all of this. They don’t deserve to pay for my mistake. I was sloppy. Arrogant. I never thought about how my actions could affect others. I felt secluded in Italy. Only person to worry about being myself.

Not anymore. Now I see the disaster that can come with the type of work I decided to pursue.

My feet lead me up to his gate. Without a phone, tablet, or laptop, I’m forced to press the buzzer. After a moment, the gates swing open.

Each step up to the door is like a knife wound on my body. The pressure on my chest increasing to the point that it is painful to breathe. Walking through the front door, I send a quick prayer up that I’m doing the right thing. That I’m not damning my soul for all eternity.

I don’t stop until I’m standing in the doorway to his room. He is at the window, his back to me. He’s still mad. I wish he weren’t. It wouldn’t make it any easier, but I don’t want his last thought of me to be bad.

Pulling the gun out of my waistband, I raise it, pointing it right at the back of his head. My hands are shaky, making me question if I could even hit him right now.

His hand jerks up to his lips, a glass of dark-colored liquid passing his lips.

Those lips. The ones that I will never feel again.

I must let out a noise because his head jerks my way. When he sees the gun, he freezes, his glass just off of his lips.

“Greer?” he questions, his eyes never showing concern or fear.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my finger on the trigger.

“What are you doing, baby?” he whispers back, slowly turning to face me.

A sob escapes me as my eyes threaten to close from the burning sensation of the falling tears.

“A ghrá,put the gun down. We can talk this through.”

I shake my head. “We can’t, Kill. We can’t talk it through. Don’t you see? We’re star-crossed lovers. Like Romeo and Juliet. Both of our stories ending in tragedy.”

“What are you talking about?” He keeps his voice low, almost hushed.

“I found the back door. I made it in.” I give him a watery smile. “I was so excited, but it turns out it was a trap. Your traitor gave me an option.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I either put a bullet in your head or they kill my entire family. If it was just Bash, I wouldn’t hesitate. I love you more than I love him. They didn’t though. They threatened the kids, Killian. Alessa, Marcello, and Francesca.”

He drops his glass to the floor, his eyes tightening. He holds his hands up as he takes a couple steps toward me.

“Oh,a ghrá.I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

“How am I supposed to choose? Either way, I lose. If I kill you, I lose my heart. The only man I have ever and will ever love. If I don’t? If I decide to be selfish and keep you, I lose them. How am I supposed to live with myself?”

I can’t see him anymore through the tears pouring down my face. I reach my left hand up, tugging on my hair. I can feel the stiffness in my body taking its toll. I feel like I’m a taut string pulled so tight that all it would take is one strum and I would snap in half.

I look back at Killian. What I see cracks my entire chest open. The gun in my hand starts to lower as I shake with uncontrollable sobs.

Acceptance. Pain. Understanding. Love.

All of those emotions flash in Killian’s eyes.

Killian rushes toward me, grabbing my hand to push the gun to the front of his forehead.

“It’s okay,a ghrá.It’s okay. You don’t need to make this decision. I’ll make it for you.” One of his hands falls to my cheeks, wiping away my tears. “I’ve lived a long life. I’m not a good man, and I know that. I don’t deserve to live over the children. You don’t have to make this decision because there is no decision to make. If the choice is them or me, then you better pull that trigger. I love you so much, Greer. Even if I only had you for a short time, it was worth every single second. I don’t even care that this was the inevitable end for us. Knowing what I know now? I would still seek you out. I would still meet you at that little café, begging you to give me a chance. Even a second of loving you is worth facing all nine circles of hell. I don’t want you to be sad for me. I know you’ll miss me, but I want you to move on. Find someone who will love you as much as I do. Find your forever, baby. You deserve it. I know it hurts now, but one day you’ll look back and remember our time together with fondness instead of the despair I see on your face now. When you do, know that I will love you with every inch of my soul for eternity. Go ahead, Greer, pull the trigger.”

I waver. I can see the easy acceptance of his fate in his eyes. I can see how he would do anything for me. He is hurting because I’m hurting. He has no fear for his own mortality. The only worry I see in his face is the worry for how this is affecting me. How he wants to make this as easy as possible for me.

“A ghrá,snap out of it. I know this hurts, but you have to do it. Pull the fucking trigger,” he demands.

It’s the conviction in his voice and the tears breaking free from his own eyes that give me the courage I need.

“I love you,” I sob out as I close my eyes.

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