Page 42 of Mayhem

As my thoughts swirl around in my head, I feel the pressure on my chest intensify. That overwhelming feeling of being out of control crushing down on me.

I set my glass down with shaky hands, heading back to my room. I grab my bag, pulling out the little case.

My dirty little secret. The only way I can feel control in my life.

Opening the case, I pull out my favorite razor blade. I look at it, feeling the familiar calm start to settle in as I run my finger over it.

I pull down my pants, revealing my upper thighs. Sitting down, I ignore the scars already littering the skin, finding a clean spot. Then I press the blade into the skin, watching as the skin gives way and a bead of blood sprouts in its place. As I slowly drag the blade across my skin, the pressure in my chest lessens.

I watch as the blood continues to pool, the sting of pain a welcome comfort. I let the pain become my focus as the rest of the world falls away. Once the pressure disappears, I pull the blade back, using the alcohol wipes I swipe from the nurse to clean it. Then I use one to clean the open wound, hisses at the burn.

I stare at the spot, feeling ashamed for harming myself, but also feeling that sense of control I crave. They can take my house, my mother, and my safe place, but they can’t take this from me.

The front door opening has me freezing.

I hear the footsteps coming down the hall, and I panic. I jump up, knocking my case to the ground. I pull up my pants quickly, shoving the alcohol pad under the blanket while I kick my case and razor blade under the bed. Seconds later, the door flings open.

My eyes widen as I take in Chase.

He’s in a pair of sweats and nothing else. My eyes greedily take in his body as I watch sweat drip down his body. He pulls his earbuds out.

“What were you doing?” He takes in the room.

My heart beats erratically. “I was flicking the bean. Thanks for the spank bank material. Damn, Chase, I didn’t know you were so ripped,” I lie.

He narrows his eyes. “What are you hiding?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re acting weird.”

“Fine. You caught me. I was snooping through your shit,” I say, licking my lips.

“Why? You won’t find anything.”

“I know that now.”

“You’re a peculiar one, aren’t you?”

“So I’ve been told. Did you know I once set a girl on fire with my mind?”

Stupid Willow,I tell myself.Why did you say that?

Humor fills his eyes. “You’re a witch, are you? Have you cast any other spells recently? Maybe a love spell?”

“Love spell?” I burst out laughing. “On who? You?”

He smiles. “No. Nate. He texted me thirty minutes ago and said I should come entertain you. Seems he’s taken a liking to you. That’s not normal, so I figured, you know, that you did something to him.”

“Oh yeah. I hear these plump lips are made for sucking cock.”

The humor flees as anger sets in his eyes. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m going to take a shower.”

I push past him, leaving him to stew in his own anger.

Once in the bathroom, I want to kick myself.

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