Page 49 of One of Them Girls

He slings his arm around my shoulders. “That’s because we are.”

Tears continue to flow down my face as I remember that day.

“Ryan said this would mark this as our place forever, but forever is subjective, isn’t it? You can say that class is taking forever, and it means one thing while also saying you want to live forever, which is another. This is our mark here, but when does forever end? Will this tree still be here after they clear this land in the next couple of months? Will this one tree be the lucky ones that make it, or will it just be another lost memory for a couple of kids that don’t matter to the universe?” I say as I run my hand over our names carved into the tree trunk.

“I can’t answer that. I can’t predict the future, but I can tell you this. When Ryan said this would mark your place forever, he wasn’t talking about anything tangible like a tree. He was talking about the memory you were cementing in your mind and heart. He was talking about the feeling you had when he carved your names into that tree. Those feelings will outlast even the most destructive mind diseases. That’s what will be left when forever finally comes.”

“You sound so sure.” I sigh, turning back toward him.

“Because I am. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he loved you. He wouldn’t want you holding onto all this grief, letting it overwhelm you.”

“And he wouldn’t want me falling into bed with his best friend either, huh?” I quip, making us both laugh.

“No, probably not. Or maybe he would. You know him better than me. One thing I know is he would want you to give yourself a break. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

A lightness fills me at his words. I don’t know if he even realizes what he said.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

He doesn’t know what happened. He has no idea the amount of guilt I harbor, but with that one statement, I feel a small portion leave me.

“You’re right. He wouldn’t want me to be so hard on myself.”

He would want me to forgive myself.

Xavier pulls me into him and starts walking back toward the car. “Come on, why don’t you stay with me tonight? We can go back to the dorm, order some food and watch a movie or two. How does that sound?”

“That sounds perfect,” I tell him as I bury myself into his side, holding him tight.

“Let’s go for now. We can always come back.”

I smile weakly up at Xavier. “I hope they don’t cut down this tree. As much as it hurts me now, I know I’ll want to look at it again one day.”

“I hope so too.”

* * *

Xavier

I stare blankly at the TV as Cassi sleeps next to me, face buried in my chest, legs intertwined with mine. I knew she had some sort of past with Jared, I just didn’t know how much.

“I was clinging to him because he was one of the last pieces of him I had left. When he passed, Jared and I got close because we were both lost.”

Can I compete with the past?

You couldn’t when it came to Tinsley, the devil on my shoulder says.

But Cassi is different, the angel reminds me.

I can’t help but think about the devastation that covered her face tonight when she was talking about Ryan. What’s it like to be that close to someone, only to lose them? Can I really blame her for trying to hold on to Jared?

Cassi nuzzles her face into my chest. Looking down, I can’t help but think about how beautiful she is as I brush a piece of hair off of her face. My phone buzzing catches my attention and I slowly grab it, hoping not to wake her up.

Jack: You guys good?

Me: Yeah, we’re good. You need a ride?

Jack: Nah, I’m going home with someone tonight. Just wanted to check and make sure Ace was good. If she wants, she can take my bed tonight.

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