Page 57 of Bang Buddies With Benefits
Over the next twenty minutes, I divulged way too many mushy details, not just to my brother and his groom-to-be, but to someone I used to date. Things I never thought I’d tell anyone, which made me feel like one of my customers. While oversharing and doling out advice—behind the comfort of the bar—was part of the biz, at least they had the benefit of a strong cocktail or five.
It also hit me that I’d told myself not to make the same mistakes with Catalina as I’d made with Julia and then I’d… avoided expressing my real feelings instead of putting my whole self out there, so yeah, I’d failed at that, too.
At the end of it all, Noah and all four Carringtons helped me formulate a plan. I never thought I’d be so glad for so many people who knew my flaws and worst traits as well as my good ones—honestly, at this point, I considered it a win, they thought I had any.
My plan involved a suit, a speech, and keeping a promise I’d almost forgotten I’d made.
I also got a hall pass from my ex to miss waltzing lessons today—and today only. With the commitment of two-a-day practices over the next week, as though we were preparing for an upcoming football game.
As I was heading out of the dance studio, motorcycle helmet in hand, I paused next to Julia. “Is this what you meant about not getting closure? This gaping emptiness that consumes you day and night?”
A hint of susceptibility she rarely showed flickered, and then she nodded. “To some extent, yes. I think more than anything, I was afraid of putting myself out there again, and how much time it would take to start over. As if I needed to race to reach the same milestones my mother and grandmother keep pressuring me to do at the same pace they did. I was so focused on the finish line that I… well, now the idea of settling for less than anyone’s whole self… it scares me that I came so close to doing that.”
She lifted her chin, the confident woman who’d had all those etiquette lessons in front of me once again. “I hadn’t moved on that day I came to the bar, but now I have, and don’t you dare pity me. I’m actually figuring out some things about myself along the way that I never would’ve learned with you.”
“Fair enough.” I almost left it at that, but our lives were going to be connected in one way or another, and I owed her more. “Still. It’s a shitty feeling, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t as honest as I should’ve been, and that I didn’t let you say your peace.”
“I appreciate that. Now get out of here. You’ve only got so many words in that brain of yours, and you’re going to need them all to win over Catalina.”
26
Catalina
While I could’ve brought Penny and Ellie to the company party, I decided there was no reason to put two Band-Aids over a bullet hole. Two very amazing Band-Aids who I loved at that, but they wouldn’t stop the bleeding. I also needed to prove to myself as much as the partners that I was worthy of the position I wanted all on my own.
There was no reason I should have to prove that to them by having anyone at my side, much less some guy.
Not that Zac was just some guy. And yeah, I wanted him in my life with an aching sort of longing that filled me bottom to top. I’d resolved to summon my courage and ask him if he might be willing to give me another chance. But again, even if he refused, that wouldn’t make me less qualified to become a legal partner at the firm.
I snagged a glass off one of the trays the waiters were carrying as they were circling around the deck of the docked yacht, not even caring what it was.
Until, I went to take a drink and discovered I did care about the cocktail when it ended up being one filled to the brim with tomato sauce, chopped onions, spices, and cilantro leaves, as well as chunks of shrimp swimming in it.
Well, swimming would imply they were alive, and they didn’t have their shells or tails, so…If Zac were here, I’d have to warn him. Then I’d need to call out the catering company and ask about all the other ingredients they used.
For a nonsensical moment or two, I entertained the idea of banning all shellfish in the thirty-mile radius of him and his bar.
But then I’d have to dive underwater and serve summons to the lobsters and shrimp in Mission Bay, and I wasn’t so sure that was how I should spend my limited time.
Since I’d resolved to take a break from crying during the four or five hours at the party, I also refused to let free the tears clogging my throat.
I swallowed them back, along with a gulp of ocean air.
Growing up, I’d never dreamed of hanging out on such a lavish yacht—a word that took the help of spell-check every damn time I’d typed it into an email. I always wanted to put a “U” in the middle of it.
Things I could say to Zac if he were here.
Oh my God, my brain hated me. The point was, despite working my ass off to get to where I was in my career, I often felt more like a fish out of water than the also deshelled-and- detailed shrimp hanging over the rim of the cocktail glass.
My nose crinkled as I snagged one of the naked sea critters and dipped the end in the sauce, as if I’d done it dozens of times before. In reality, I’d watched the person next to me do it, since I’d assumed I should’ve picked up a fork or napkin along with the glass.
It wasn’t bad, but I preferred my seafood breaded and deep fried, like calamari or shrimp with breading as thick as the meat.
“They’re Mexican.”
I turned to see Rodger, who pointed at my glass with excitement.
“The shrimp?” I asked, twisting the rim of the glass between my fingers.
