Page 55 of Bang Buddies With Benefits
Alba released my hand to snag the box of tissue hidden beneath colorful crocheted squares of yarn. As if having tissue out without a decorative cover was embarrassing, when to me, it seemed like it drew attention to needing one of the two-ply sheets.
She took one and tipped the box to me, and then we both dabbed our eyes. “And now you love someone else, yes?”
They both blinked at me, and did they want an actual answer? It was one I’d been trying my damnedest to avoid. Thinking about Zac. How he made me feel. His face at the hospital. The panic that’d overtaken me as I’d watched him struggle for air, and how I’d thought it would hurt less if I broke it off, as if that would prevent further damage or risk to my heart.
But today in court, when the judge gave his decision, Zac was the first person I’d wanted to call up. And it hurt worse that I couldn’t dial his number or hear his voice. I’d left a piece of my heart behind in that hospital, and now it just pumped and bled misery, until my entire body was flooded with it.
“Yes,” I said with a loud sniff. I snagged another tissue and blew my nose. While I was still determined to make partner, even that idea had lost some of its luster. Deep down, the desire to reach that goal remained, but without Zac around to celebrate it, it would feel like less of a win.
“Mateo didn’t give his life that night only for you to stop living yours. Loving someone else doesn’t mean you loved him any less.”
It was similar to what Penny and Ellie had told me time and time again. Undoubtedly, they’d remind me of that fact when I relayed this story. But I assumed as friends, they were just obligated to tell me that.
Since Mateo’s parents had lost him as well, I’d never expected them to tell me the same thing. The fact that they did…? I lunged, pulling Alba into a hug, and this time I was doing the gesturing, insisting Miguel join in, and he did.
They both held me so tightly, helping secure all the broken pieces floating within me together so they could slowly knit and heal.
I thanked them, promised it wouldn’t be so long between visits, and then they requested I “bring this boy to meet us sometime.”
Then I had to explain that I wasn’t sure that’d be possible, since I’d wrecked things, and that meant he and I weren’t together anymore.
“Well, you can change that, I’m sure,” Alba said, and while I appreciated her enthusiasm, she’s always had so much more faith than I did.
She also hadn’t seen his face in the hospital.
Hadn’t heard him say we should’ve stuck to our sex-only arrangement or heard how disappointed he’d sounded that at one point in time, I’d wanted to get married.
Yeah, Julia was mad at him, but I’d been there with her in the waiting room, and she obviously cared about him, too. With me out of the way, I couldn’t help but wonder if they’d rekindle their romance during the events leading up to their brothers’ wedding.
It was a lot to ponder on, not that I had time right now to do any reflecting and plotting on how I’d even go about getting him back. Tonight, was the big yacht party for the law firm, and I was going to have to explain that I’d lied about being engaged and follow that up with a speech about how I still deserved to make partner anyway.
In other words, my work was already cut out for me.
And if that went as poorly as I thought it was going to go…
I just wasn’t sure how much rejection I could take in one night.
25
Zac
“Where’s Catalina?” Julia asked the instant I stepped inside the dance studio. After everything, I’d hoped that my brother would break the news. Sort of ironic how I’d asked that exact same question a week ago in the ER, right before everything had fallen apart.
Just the mention of her name lanced me right through the heart, the pain enough I winced and then quickly tried to cover my reaction.
In other words, eight days wasn’t long enough to even begin to heal. If anything, each time I thought of her or pictured her face, it hurt more instead of less, and how unfair was that? “Not here.”
Julia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’s why I asked where she is. Look, I’m not saying she doesn’t know the waltz. After meeting her, I’m sure she does. And I know last week was a rough one, and that there are other things to focus on besides the wedding planning. But that doesn’t mean practice isn’t important and—”
“You were right. Is that what you want to hear? Catalina and I weren’t dating. I made it up. Not because I was scared; more to avoid drama. And speaking of not embarrassing myself, I think it’s best if I sit out the waltz.”
I flopped into a chair; my mood so low that I’d have to scrape it off the floor before I attempted to dance. And I didn’t have the energy, not for that, not for work, not for anything.
Noah strode over and grimaced at me, so I looked as pathetic as I felt. Fucking perfect. “He’s, uh…nursing a broken heart.”
I bit back a response about how nice it was for him to show up now to explain, when he could’ve saved me the trouble by doing sobeforeI arrived. But his happy day was a week away, and as unhappy as I was, I didn’t want to put a damper on his joy. “The jig is up. I already told Julia that Catalina and I weren’t actually dating. Now you don’t have to pretend anymore.”
“Does that mean you’re the only one who gets to pretend?”
